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Thread: Have I Ruined the Marriage?

  1. #41
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    Youíre right. I am terrified of his response. If I call it will be all about his opinion and heíll shout over mine.

  2. #42
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Astrogirl
    Youíre right. I am terrified of his response. If I call it will be all about his opinion and heíll shout over mine.
    Have a mini time out. Don't call him. Let him approach you. If he calls you to continuously verbally abuse you, shorten the conversations. Shorten them until he understands that his manner of communication is not going anywhere. It does not make you less of a wife. Shortening the conversations does not mean that you think of him any less or that he has any less of a say in a matter. He will eventually understand that delivery matters.

  3. #43
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    I just wish he would call. Iíve accused him of being emotionless on a number of occasions

  4. #44
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Let him be. Different people need different levels of autonomy and independence. People do have to feel free to come to you. At the end of the day if he's not what you signed up for in terms of a partner or what you think constitutes a marriage or a marriage partner, it really is your decision to pull the plug. Issues beyond a certain limit will start to look goofy on you if you aren't willing to change your own situation.

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  6. #45
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    Yes, I am staying out of his way. I believe silence is the only way until Iíve figured out and cleared my head

  7. #46
    Originally Posted by Astrogirl
    When we first got together if we bickered he wanted it sorted straight away there and then. Plus, he always buys nice things. Not expensive but things that mean something with thought. However, heís leaving it longer to sort out and many a time heís been at fault. Sometimes I could say something nice and heís taken it out of context and blew up and Iíve been like: what the heck? However, this time I take full responsibility for my mood and I am truly sorry. However, a friend just made a good point to me by stating if he calls and I donít at least attempt to speak to him and explain his absence only served to hurt me in fear of him blowing up then Iím willing to allow him to control things by keeping my mouth shut and scared of voicing my opinion to keep him by my side. Itís true. Often when he shouts I do keep quiet out of fear of an argument. But this time my mood did contribute to the falling out.

    Many good replies by the way so thank you
    What? Allowing him to take control? That's not how a marriage works, plus that's abusive. It has to be equal, open and honest. There is barely any of this happening in your marriage so i don't know how you expect to keep it afloat. It's doomed.

  8. #47
    Originally Posted by Astrogirl
    Youíre right. I am terrified of his response. If I call it will be all about his opinion and heíll shout over mine.
    I'm honestly wondering why you even with this guy. Your family don't like him. Your daughter hates him, and he treats you like crap. He is abusive and isn't even in the same country. You're clearly not happy so what's the point? I know you'll say 'because i love him' but how can you love someone so horrible?

  9. #48
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to go to a doctor and therapist to discuss your stress and anxiety. You state that you start all the fights because you are angry and "take it out on the closest ones". Does he send you money/support you? Is that why you stay married? Is it a visa marriage? Is the child his or from a previous relationship?
    Originally Posted by Astrogirl
    Youíre right. I am terrified of his response. If I call it will be all about his opinion and heíll shout over mine.

  10. 04-17-2019, 10:26 AM

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