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Thread: Have I Ruined the Marriage?

  1. #1
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    Have I Ruined the Marriage?

    I married a wonderful man who offered lots of emotional support. Recently, I suffered a trauma that has led to anxiety. I know I have taken it out on my closest but it has led to bickering with husband. A couple of days ago we argued over something silly resulting in my husband telling me he is sick of my attitude and told me to go away, using rude words. He has not spoken since and I am very worried I have ruined things. I answered I was going to see a solicitor, which I havenít done. Before this argument he called screaming and shouting at me, though I remained calm. The curse words followed in a text. We currently live in different countries so I canít really visit him easily. I know advice may be to contact him but weíre both stubborn and I do feel he has neglected me when I need him most. Not the first time and Iíve told him this before. Although I donít want to lose him I do feel hurt he has left me when I need him to be there and I donít know how to respond if he does contact me. He will start the conversation by shouting and claiming he is totally in the right. I feel lost as if I try to stand up for myself heíll go MIA again, as he has before. He support is not like he used to be. Please help as Iíve not stopped crying. Thank you.

  2. #2
    What trauma have you suffered? How have you been taking it out on him? Do you have children? Why do you need him there? There is very little to almost no information provided so it's difficult to provide advice here.

  3. #3
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    I was in an accident. With my anxiety I have become weepy and snappy.

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    We donít have children together.

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  6. #5
    It feels like you are still withholding information, like you don't want to admit some things. Have you had therapy following your accident? I'm guessing you did not. By what i can gather, your behavior became uncontrollable and too much for him to take, so my honest answer would be yes, the marriage is over.

  7. #6
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    I have several questions to try to get a clearer picture of your marriage:

    Why do you live in different countries and when was the last time you spent time together in person?

    How often were you communicating prior to this fight? You said you were often weepy and snappy - was that because of the accident you suffered, or because he's been pulling away from you?

    What do you mean when you say he has gone MIA before? When, why, and for how long?

  8. #7
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    We are recently married so not yet applied for Visa.
    We saw each other a few months ago but communicate via via every day for hours. For the most part we get along extremely well, and people have commented just how much we belong together, and we also say it too.

    I feel the mood swings could be due to both: the accident with a lot of flashbacks, and my husband pulling away, although this may be the lesser reason.

    Heís gone two or three days before due to his own bad moods and always phoned and apologised.

    This was a while ago.

    Apart from the odd blip, we not experienced really bad problems.

  9. #8
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    Have you had therapy for the trauma and anxiety?

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    Unfortunately not. I feel like I am getting better, but have the odd occasional blip. It wasnít too bad I just got weepy and asked why he hadnít said goodnight before he switched the camera off and he totally lost his cool and started screaming and swearing at me.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Astrogirl
    Unfortunately not. I feel like I am getting better, but have the odd occasional blip. It wasnít too bad I just got weepy and asked why he hadnít said goodnight before he switched the camera off and he totally lost his cool and started screaming and swearing at me.
    I feel like there is more to this and you are dulling down your side of things to not make you look as bad. I don't believe he screamed at you just for asking that question. There is allot you are not disclosing here for some reason and you appear to be painting him as a total villain. My guess is that you totally flipped out at him about not saying goodnight. You really should have sought therapy following your accident because it doesn't sound like you are getting better to me.

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