Will he come back?

I broke w my ex of almost 3yrs because apparently he didnt wanna commit. I honestly think he is gg through something like grass is greener. Anyway, we have 3 months of NC bcs i could put up w his indecisiveness bcs he was giving me hot and cold behaviours.

2 weeks ago he texted me, if i was over him? And he misses me. I am confused.

Eversince he has been doing "check up" msgs on me to see how i am doing. I just gave very short answers and ended the convo.

What does it all mean? Will he come back?

When did you break up?

It sounds like he may want to come back, but the question is do you want him back? Remember you broke up with him for a reason. He wouldn't commit, he was indecisive, he blew hot and cold. Is that what you want to go back to?

Firstly, sorry you're experiencing this confusion. I want to say, and don't take this as me being harsh as it isn't meant to come off that way, but you're asking a rhetorical question. No body here can possibly answer that question (will he come back?) no matter how much information you give. Even he likely doesn't know if he will ever return to the relationship. Sending check up messages could be him giving you bread crumbs because being in contact may help him move on easier whilst still testing the waters to keep you there as an option (even if that's not a conscious agenda on his part). It could be because he's doubting his decision. It could be because he genuinely cares about you as a person and is just checking up on you.

No one can tell you the answer to that question, except for him (and even then I wouldn't bank on a clear answer). You'll just have to wait it out (if you want to get back together) or don't wait it out (if you don't want to get back together). You cannot begin to know what's going on inside his head, only your own, so just decide what you want and work from that. If you want to get back together with him then ask him straight out if that's what he wants. If he doesn't, then take steps towards moving on. If he isn't sure, then tell him to only contact you again if/when he knows he does (if he decides in the end that he doesn't want to, then tell him he can stay gone). If you don't want to get back together then tell him that and go 'no contact'.

If he didn't want to commit, what would be any different even if he does come back?

Why do you think it's the ol' Grass is Greener - did he meet someone else?

Your first sentence: move forwards. That is enough.

If a man doesn't want to commit to you, it's enough to move forwards and not look back. You need no other reason and should have no other questions. He should have no other reason to contact you and you have no reason to respond or even read his messages.

What do you mean by commit? Exclusive dating? Living together? Marriage? Kids? How old s is he? You need to be more decisive and not get sucked back in. He may come back, but he is not going to commit. It will simply become an on/off sexually based relationship, because he knows you'll take him back and that you used the breakup as a maneuver to try to get him to commit....Which of course he doesn't have to because all you want is to get him back.

I broke w my ex of almost 3yrs because apparently he didnt wanna commit. 2 weeks ago he texted me, if i was over him? What does it all mean? Will he come back?

You never break up as a bargaining chip, you start the clock on the end of your relationship.

You broke a level of trust you will never get back

He won’t commit breaking up with is not gonna magically change that, especially if you make it obvious you did it solely to get a reaction. And don’t you dare say you meant the breakup cause you stood by him after the breakup like a lonely puppy.

Disengage

If he didn't want to commit, what would be any different even if he does come back?

 

Why do you think it's the ol' Grass is Greener - did he meet someone else?

I agree!

It does not matter if he misses you, if he does not want a commitment.

Are you saying he would not commit to a relationship during the three years? Did he cheat?

Back in college, I was friends with a woman who was dating her bf for a few years, can't remember how many but a few, like three.

He would not commit (my friend wanted marriage) so she broke up with him.

She went complete no contact, moving on with her life.

A couple of months later, he showed up at her house with a proposal and ring; they got married a year later.

Same thing happened with Jerry Seinfeld and his wife, Jessica - they had only been dating around nine months.

Often times, we don't know what we have till it's gone.

A cliche but very often true.

To add to my previous post, just read some of the threads on this forum from guys who believed they fell out of love with their gf's, or who weren't sure how they felt or what they wanted, and broke up with them (or she broke up with him), there is actually one running now. I believe he was the one to break up with her, wasn't sure if he loved her anymore

A few days (yes, days!) after they broke up, he began missing her like crazy, realizing just how truly in love with her he really was!

He started a thread asking what he should do to get her back and to trust him again, there are literally tons of threads like this on this and other forums!!

Not sure why people deny this happens, but often times it takes someone leaving for the other person to realize how important she/he was/is to them and how much they love them and do want to commit to them.

I agree with Katrina and I think what works best is if he does want to try again you have to talk about what that means - what's his timeline like for getting engaged and married? If he doesn't have that in mind I'd say don't bother.

Many years ago my then boyfriend ended things -we were in our 20s -very suddenly because he said he couldn't see marrying me, etc. 5 days later he came back and waited at my parents' house for me to come home, for hours. He was uncharacteristically sentimental, emotional, talking marriage. 24 hours later he changed his mind again . He changed his mind again a few months later and a few months after that we did get back together and he actually did end up proposing about 8 months after that. I declined -by then I realized that he was too hot and cold -that somehow I'd feel "alone" if I married him although I couldn't pinpoint why. We broke up that day.

Almost 10 years later I found out why he in particular was hot/cold/emotionally distant. It was because he was struggling with his feelings of being gay (no clue or signs of this at all the whole time I knew him or from our mutual friends) - and after we broke up, a few years later, he met the love of his life and they've been together 20 years and are married. NO I do not think your boyfriend is gay (!!) but I do think that while it might be worth one more chance if he's now very serious about committing I would not be a fan of the back and forth because then it's something else (and I've been on his side of the doubts where I didn't know my own heart/mind so I can relate to that too).

Good luck!

I wish the OP would come back and answer some questions

Back in college, I was friends with a woman who was dating her bf for a few years, can't remember how many but a few, like three.

 

He would not commit (my friend wanted marriage) so she broke up with him.

 

She went complete no contact, moving on with her life.

 

A couple of months later, he showed up at her house with a proposal and ring; they got married a year later.

 

Same thing happened with Jerry Seinfeld and his wife, Jessica - they had only been dating around nine months.

 

Often times, we don't know what we have till it's gone.

 

A cliche but very often true.

To add to my previous post, just read some of the threads on this forum from guys who believed they fell out of love with their gf's, or who weren't sure how they felt or what they wanted, and broke up with them (or she broke up with him), there is actually one running now. I believe he was the one to break up with her, wasn't sure if he loved her anymore

 

A few days (yes, days!) after they broke up, he began missing her like crazy, realizing just how truly in love with her he really was!

 

He started a thread asking what he should do to get her back and to trust him again, there are literally tons of threads like this on this and other forums!!

 

Not sure why people deny this happens, but often times it takes someone leaving for the other person to realize how important she/he was/is to them and how much they love them and do want to commit to them.

Not sure why 'people' don't read posts....

The OPer didnt him alone. She stayed in contact with him after the break up until she finally followed through with the breakup because he still wasnt committing...

Statistically speaking using breaking up as a bargaining chip is not a worthy risk, because unless you go NC immediately, a person with an ounce of intelligence is going to recognize the games and you will lose all credibility. There are plenty of posts about people breaking up and not understanding why they aren't being chased by the person they broke up with.

It is quite possible he will commit, given the information I read, I think its more likely possible she started the ball rolling on a wonderful hot/cold chase and chaser relationship and the second he gets his toy back (which is often these dudes MO who write their 'Ive seen the light' posts) he wont want it anymore.

Hes not even coming to her as a man and attempting reconciliation, hes throwing bread crumbs in the form of lazy texts, making sure his toy is still on the hook.

I broke w my ex of almost 3yrs because apparently he didnt wanna commit. I honestly think he is gg through something like grass is greener. Anyway, we have 3 months of NC bcs i could put up w his indecisiveness bcs he was giving me hot and cold behaviours.

 

2 weeks ago he texted me, if i was over him? And he misses me. I am confused.

 

Eversince he has been doing "check up" msgs on me to see how i am doing. I just gave very short answers and ended the convo.

 

What does it all mean? Will he come back?

It all means that he's wondering if you're up to being with him in a non commitment again and he's testing the waters. Will he come back? Sure if you're open to non commitment again.

If he wanted you in the way you want him, he'd be clear about it.