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Thread: What should I do? Long term relationship, cannot see a future

  1. #11
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by gerry101
    Am I just feeling this because we are apart (we have been apart before for substantial lengths of time, without me having these feelings)!
    - Bingo. You've discovered the reason most long distance relationships don't work out. With too much time apart, people fall out of love (you may not be totally out of love yet, but your love level is low, and you are starting to see her flaws and get grumpy. Just keep in mind none of us are perfect).

  2. #12
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    If you are feeling disconnected from this relationship you need to seat down with her and talk about it. Timing seems not to be in your favor for now, because of previous commitments, but you have been happily together for 4+ years. If you are having doubts, see how you feel after you get back from your trip.

    She will not change who she is, nor her family and friends. You need to consider how important this is for you and if you see yourself living with her forever.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    If you're not feeling it anymore then you need to tell as soon as possible. Be honest. Don't go to the wedding and don't go on the trip. Don't let her get more and more attached. It won't be fair.
    I disagree. Only you can decide whether you want to be together anymore, and if not, when you want to leave. I'd enjoy the trip and see how you feel afterward.

    Nobody else is living our love lives FOR us, so nobody else gets a vote.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not really interested in why you think you should break up. If you aren't getting a good vibe, you aren't getting a good vibe, period. Only you can decide that and I have faith in your misgivings for continuing a relationship. Obviously you've already calculated how awkward it would be to back out of a planned trip but if you feel that she's a downer in any way or you aren't comfortable around her, you shouldn't go on that trip and yes, I'd break up as soon as possible.

    I agree with Ray. The most humane thing you can do is call a spade a spade, keep your head on straight after the break up and the questions that ensue and carry on with your life. If that trip is giving you a headache and you feel uncomfortable, don't go. Life's too short for nonsense.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you marry her, you marry her family. Think about your future. Her family will not go away and you will have to force yourself to keep the peace with them should your lives intertwine through marriage. Or, you can be like millions of people and never interact with them; just send your partner to her family and you get a break from your would be in-laws. Or, keep your contact with your partner's family to the bare minimum at best. That's what boundaries are.

    Opposites don't always attract. She's an introvert while you're an extrovert, she takes everything seriously whereas you don't. These are problems will indeed affect your relationship especially during marriage. These are lifestyle differences which will never mesh. It's better to have similar personality traits in order to be compatible and have a smoother relationship.

    Ok, so meet her at her best friend's wedding in two weeks.

    Your insecurities are real. You have more time to mull over what's important to both of you, what your differences are and how it's a source of arguments either now or in the future. Don't break up over the phone. Do it in person. Give her courtesy and respect.

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