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Thread: Uncomfortable (sex related) interaction with coworker?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I'm not going to try to LOOK for evidence to get him in trouble
    Great!

    but if I walk into a similar situation with more evidence, he will be reported to HR.
    he has a free pass now but if I see it again with more evidence, I'll be reporting
    Wait a second...

    that doesn't mean that Ill be looking for reasons to report him or purposely trying to catch him in the act.
    You are though, according to your above quotes. All coming from the same post. And previous posts where you assume he was doing something that he may or may not have been doing.

    The facts here are:

    There is no question that it is not appropriate to view porn or masturbate at work... where there IS question is whether or not this individual was doing as you claim. You have no hard evidence except your "feeling" that something wasn't right, some noises you heard (but didn't see) and a vague email sent with rather perfect timing to your organization.

    This leads me to ask why you jumped to this assumption with this individual instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt? Has he done other things in the past to pi$$ you off that would lead you to assume these things about him?

  2. #42
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    I still don't see where the guy was actually touching himself when you walked in, OP. Nothing you have posted indicates that.

    While I agree that watching porn at work is inappropriate, if that's in fact what he was doing, I think you are reaching to say you are sure he was pleasuring himself. Based on what you have described here, you never once saw his hands anywhere near his nether-regions and he was not exposing himself.

    I would strongly advise you to refrain from making accusations you have no basis for.

  3. #43
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    I did make an accusation and I admitted about being wrong about it. I said I had no proof beyond what happened. I didn't see anything. Therefore, I'm not making any formal report.

    I feel like I'm more upset about the porn noises and the overall jitters while trying to get his phone disabled and I'm upset about the 30 seconds where I'm asking him about work before noticing that his device is playing inappropriate content. That was uncomfortable for me and took me a back. And I'm also slightly annoyed that I suddenly felt uncomfortable in the office we were all meant to share. Did I think he'd do something perverted to me? Absolutely not. He seems like a nice guy.

    I guess I was frustrated over the fact that we're crunching to meet a deadline and I walk in and this is how time is being spent. However, I didn't report him about how he spent his work time and the mass email that was sent was most likely coincidence.

    So yes:

    - frustration over not being comfortable using the office when I needed it.

    - irritated that everyone else is pulling their weight/trying to get a hold of this guy for days and this guy is clearly watching porn in the office.

    All valid frustrations... I was wrong to assume he was masturbating but I'm allowed to be uncomfortable and annoyed at how a team member is spending their time.

    (Keep in mind the errand I was assigned was something supposed to be done by him. No one could get in contact with him. Come to find out he's in the office doing whatever. So I guess it's fair to say I walked into the situation annoyed and then overreacted when I heard pornagraphic content coming from his phone and watching him act like a deer in the headlights. It's just not a good look... another reason I assumed no one was in the office, no one could contact the office via the office phone)

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    For some reason I find it incredibly admirable that someone could get horny at work. That's some serious talent.

    I can tell from your previous posts already, rchubn, that you're very irritated with the situation and offended so I'm not going to drive you up the wall by saying that your thoughts are not valid. I'm not certain myself how I would have handled it but I don't think I would be as irked as you. At the end of the day it is a workplace and while a communal place, it's also not a personal space as in it's not your house, your apartment, your car or your couch he was on. I'd suggest you remain professional and don't let your emotions get the better of you. It's up to management how they handle it and not your place nor your burden to get so wrapped up in it.

    I read that you feel uncomfortable around this person in meetings and when you see him around. We aren't going to always get along with everyone at work, at play (in our professional or personal lives). It's time to be a bit more realistic. If you don't make any direct contact with this person, there's no reason not to be cordial or at least tolerate the other person's presence/employment. If you are the manager handling this and not sure what to do, go to your director or next superior up and request advice on the matter. Speak in hypotheticals and don't disclose anything. Be cautious with your words as how you are perceived will be directly related to your ability to interpret events(real or hypothetical). I'd caution you to be cautious of your language and in the way you deliver any issues or concerns in the workplace as anything you say can or may backfire on you and your overall professionalism.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    I feel like I'm more upset about the porn noises and the overall jitters while trying to get his phone disabled and I'm upset about the 30 seconds where I'm asking him about work before noticing that his device is playing inappropriate content. That was uncomfortable for me and took me a back. And I'm also slightly annoyed that I suddenly felt uncomfortable in the office we were all meant to share. Did I think he'd do something perverted to me? Absolutely not. He seems like a nice guy.
    Well, exactly. He wasn't intentionally trying to do anything to you.

    Look, he got caught in an awkward moment. You did too. No, it's not a wise way to spend work time, if he was actually watching porn. Now he knows better.

    But, I also think you got carried away. When you first posted this, you were very upset that you'd caught this guy masturbating. Now, you concede that you actually have no evidence of that and that your real frustration stems from people (including him) not pulling their weight at work.

    Learn to separate your emotions from the facts before assigning blame. Identify the real sources of your anger and don't misrepresent people. If you're angry about one particular issue (people not contributing), stick to that. If you're uncomfortable with him watching porn, don't exaggerate that into a story about catching him masturbating. Even reading the way you express your position here on this thread, you tend to get hostile and use offensive language yourself. Your very use of the word "retarded" would have earned you an official warning in my workplace, for example. Next time, take a deep breath. Step back. Had you actually gone to HR with your accusation of masturbation, this man would be in a world of trouble - and for what?

    I am curious is porn is a particularly sensitive subject for you. You appear to be very triggered, and I am wondering if there is more to it.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why are you out for blood? At the workplace and here? Therapy would help you tremendously to sort out this intense displaced anger at your previous bf for having pics of his ex and him having sex on his computer and breaking up with you. It seems you simply hate this guy and want him punished for something you never saw and something you are assuming.

    First of all "he was jittery" and "the room felt heavy" and "he was taking the battery out of his phone" are not indicators or any sort of evidence of this outrageous accusation. No one has to remove a phone battery to turn it off. Who gave him a "free pass"? You? You for not running to HR with completely fictitious story and accusing him of "making you uncomfortable" and "watching porn and masturbating"? And hoping to destroy his career and job based on "the room felt heavy"?

    Getting a handle on the anger you still have toward your last bf and the "perverted" things he was "hiding" on his computer and supposedly using the pics of him and his ex to masturbate to.
    Originally Posted by rchubn
    if I walk into a similar situation with more evidence, he will be reported to HR. (If that's what he was doing) He got just got a free pass to correct his behavior. Keep in mind I have no idea if he's ever been reported for this in the past but as far as this situation goes, he has a free pass now but if I see it again with more evidence, I'll be reporting and that doesn't mean that Ill be looking for reasons to report him or purposely trying to catch him in the act.

  8. #47
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You just heard it? What exactly did you hear?
    Originally Posted by rchubn
    I heard pornagraphic content coming from his phone

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