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Uncomfortable (sex related) interaction with coworker?


rchubn

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Hello,

 

 

Something interesting happened at work last week. I share a small office with 5 other employees, because we have different shifts we're rarely there at the same time. Well last week I was asked to run a small errand (stupid mindless decision) I forgot to knock on the office door before walking in. Instead, I knocked as I was entering and walked into a situation where (although I didn't see any body parts) I'm fairly certain that I walked into a coworker masturbating/watching porn in the office based on the noises coming from his cellphone.

 

I'm aware that it's natural and it's just masturbation but this has made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I get this weird sick feeling when I'm in a staff meeting with this coworker. It makes me jittery and uneasy and I feel like it's hindered my work because I'm no longer comfortable in the environment.

 

I'm not sure what I should do? I almost want to tell another coworker what happened to have someone understanding my odd behavior and discomfort?

 

What should I do? I don't want to tell someone and have them not believe me and risk losing my job.

 

I also dont want to sound childish as if I'm gossiping about coworkers.

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The noises you heard could have been a silly meme that your coworker happened to open in a message when you walked in.

You are making assumptions only and I don’t think you should jeopardise another’s position with hearsay.

 

If you report or discuss this with any other colleague , then you are putting your position in jeopardy.

 

I can’t see how it can affect your work except that you will be more respectful of privacy of others.

Knock and await an invite to enter. Simple solution.

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The noises you heard could have been a silly meme that your coworker happened to open in a message when you walked in.

You are making assumptions only and I don’t think you should jeopardise another’s position with hearsay.

 

If you report or discuss this with any other colleague , then you are putting your position in jeopardy.

 

I can’t see how it can affect your work except that you will be more respectful of privacy of others.

Knock and await an invite to enter. Simple solution.

I didn't walk into his apartment, I walked into a place of work. I might of posted this to get some advice but I'm not stupid, he has no business doing that in a work setting and honestly the fact that he couldn't even wait until he's at home really furthers the idea that he's some kind of pervert that gets off on this kind of thing.

 

Me walking in during a phone call? Yes. Rude. Me walking in on a grown man watching porn and possibly masturbating in a educational institution aka a place of work where there are students roaming around? No. Not rude.

 

His actions are disgusting and I've already established that, I created this thread to get advice about how I should go about resolving this situation.

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Update on the situation: A supervisor sent an email about sending office time "appropriately" and time management/using personal devices while on the clock. This is extremely unusual. I didn't report the person or talk to any coworkers about it so I can only assume that someone else caught him doing this and filed a formal report.

 

Thanks for the advice... ...And the scrutiny about walking into an office without knocking? Yes, it's not the most polite thing for me to do but worst case scenario I assumed he'd be on the phone. Not masturbating in an office that he shares with 4+ people.

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Update on the situation: A supervisor sent an email about sending office time "appropriately" and time management/using personal devices while on the clock. This is extremely unusual. I didn't report the person or talk to any coworkers about it so I can only assume that someone else caught him doing this and filed a formal report.

Could just be coincidence. These days it's very common in companies where management/supervisors send that kind of email about time management and using personal devices, because, simply put, almost everyone sits at their desks playing on their phones, texting their boyfriends/girlfriends, checking their facebook etc etc .... all in company time. It's so common that it even reaches the news, lol. Just sayin'

 

As to what you should do: I don't think it's a good idea to discuss this with anyone else in the office. You have no concrete proof and without that, there is not much anyone can do about it (imo). All you have is what you thought you saw/heard.

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I didn't walk into his apartment, I walked into a place of work. I might of posted this to get some advice but I'm not stupid, he has no business doing that in a work setting and honestly the fact that he couldn't even wait until he's at home really furthers the idea that he's some kind of pervert that gets off on this kind of thing.

 

Me walking in during a phone call? Yes. Rude. Me walking in on a grown man watching porn and possibly masturbating in a educational institution aka a place of work where there are students roaming around? No. Not rude.

 

His actions are disgusting and I've already established that, I created this thread to get advice about how I should go about resolving this situation.

 

I’m not condoning his behaviour by any means,

I was just pointing out that based on an assumption and lack of evidence that the only solution for your personal issue is to knock and wait.

 

Without any evidence , you had nothing to report to a supervisor.

That was all.

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Update on the situation: A supervisor sent an email about sending office time "appropriately" and time management/using personal devices while on the clock. This is extremely unusual. I didn't report the person or talk to any coworkers about it so I can only assume that someone else caught him doing this and filed a formal report.

 

Thanks for the advice... ...And the scrutiny about walking into an office without knocking? Yes, it's not the most polite thing for me to do but worst case scenario I assumed he'd be on the phone. Not masturbating in an office that he shares with 4+ people.

 

It’s a common issue employers have of using office time for personal use.

 

To assume someone else reported this co worker is just that. An assumption.

 

It could have been that the supervisor witnessed someone playing games on their device.

Who knows?

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You have no idea whether or not he was jerking it. That you'd allow your mind to not only default to but dwell on it is baffling to me. I'm sure he could at the very least find his way to a door lock if he were. Don't assume the worst of people. And focus on your job.

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Since you have no evidence nor are sure of what was happening, I'd refrain from commenting this to a co-worker or reporting it without proof, or it could backfire on you. If he had harrassed you or something then yes, you should report him, but this is not the case and you have no evidence or certainty that he was masturbating or watching porn. I'd continue my work life as normally for now.

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I didn't walk into his apartment, I walked into a place of work. I might of posted this to get some advice but I'm not stupid, he has no business doing that in a work setting and honestly the fact that he couldn't even wait until he's at home really furthers the idea that he's some kind of pervert that gets off on this kind of thing.

 

Me walking in during a phone call? Yes. Rude. Me walking in on a grown man watching porn and possibly masturbating in a educational institution aka a place of work where there are students roaming around? No. Not rude.

 

His actions are disgusting and I've already established that, I created this thread to get advice about how I should go about resolving this situation.

 

You assuming that he was masturbating and calling him disgusting? Yes, rude.

You are assuming everything and it sounds like you actually know nothing about him, what did he ever do to you to deserve that?

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Don't tell anyone else in the office. It will spread like wild fire and he will know it was you. Yes it's a natural thing men do. Get over it. He hasn't done anything particularly wrong (accept maybe doing it in the office). You're overreacting and as j.man said, you don't even know for sure that was what he was actually doing. You just jumped to conclusions. From now on, learn to knock and wait for permission to enter instead of just barging in. And definitely do not go gossiping.

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Hmmm... I disagree with the others.

 

If you feel uncomfortable at work as a result, go ahead and contact HR. You don’t have to “report” it per se - but you can ask for a meeting and have an informal/off-the-record chat. Just tell them everything that you said here - that you aren’t 100% sure, that you don’t want anyone to get in trouble as a result, but that you feel somewhat uncomfortable and you just wanted to talk about it.

 

If that is indeed what you saw, it’s entirely possible that someone else witnessed something similar. HR could already know stuff and hearing it from multiple sources could help.

 

But absolutely don’t talk to a coworker. Talking to a coworker is gossip (because they have no power in the situation, they are in the same place as you). Talking to HR is simply voicing your concerns.

 

... but I do agree that once voiced (if that’s what you feel you have to do) - simply knock.

 

Don’t worry, they don’t fire people over a he-said, she-said situation if it only happens once. If they start to see a trend, though - it may go there.

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I didn't walk into his apartment, I walked into a place of work. I might of posted this to get some advice but I'm not stupid, he has no business doing that in a work setting and honestly the fact that he couldn't even wait until he's at home really furthers the idea that he's some kind of pervert that gets off on this kind of thing.

 

Me walking in during a phone call? Yes. Rude. Me walking in on a grown man watching porn and possibly masturbating in a educational institution aka a place of work where there are students roaming around? No. Not rude.

 

His actions are disgusting and I've already established that, I created this thread to get advice about how I should go about resolving this situation.

 

You don't even know for certain that was what he was doing so you don't really have any right to judge.

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Is there a reason you want to try to get him fired and try to spin this into a sexual harassment case? For example already using hyperbola such as "he makes me uncomfortable at meetings", etc. What direct proof do you have?

 

Sure you could run to HR and tell them you didn't see anything or witness anything and he didn't make any direct sexual innuendo toward you but you "thought you heard porn-like sounds coming from his phone", but are you sure that with absolutely no proof of anything they will resolve your discomfort? If you want to get him fired why don't you wait until there is some sort of incident that you can at least prove or document?

I didn't see any body parts. I'm fairly certain that I walked into a coworker masturbating/watching porn in the office based on the noises coming from his cellphone.
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If you're able to read I posted an update where I mentioned there was a mass email about using personal devices while on the clock. If I did walk into what I think I walked into, the fact that he was caught by a coworker AND the fact that he recieved an vague email should be enough to stop this from happening again (if it happened at all)

 

Because there was an email sent, I won't be taking any actions or discussing this to any coworkers because I feel like it's gossip. I mentioned this in the original post. I don't get any "high" from gossiping about this with coworkers.

 

No one is trying to get him fired and I'm allowed to feel uncomfortable if something makes me uncomfortable. You can't tell me that I have no right to feel what I feel. It's a feeling and this situation made me uncomfortable. End of story.

 

For those justifying masturbating/watching porn at work, I really hope you're saying this just to be harsh on random people online and you don't actually feel like this behavior is appropriate in the workplace. I definitely will knock beforehand for now on but cmon... Let's not be stupid for shock value. I don't want anyone fired.

 

Thanks for the responses...

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You don't even know for certain that was what he was doing so you don't really have any right to judge.
I think at some point people need to consider how certain situations will be viewed by others.

 

If someone walked in on me in the office doing yoga, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm not doing my work.

 

If someone walked in the office and I had Hulu pulled up, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm watching TV while being on the clock.

 

So in this situation... where someone walks in on someone else listening to porn, it's fair for someone to assume that they possibly walked in on someone elses inappropriate behavior at work.

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Ok then focus on catching him breaking a rule about personal phone use. Does that include on breaks or for emergencies? Was that memo before or after you caught him using his personal phone during work hours?

I mentioned there was a mass email about using personal devices while on the clock.
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I think at some point people need to consider how certain situations will be viewed by others.

 

If someone walked in on me in the office doing yoga, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm not doing my work.

 

If someone walked in the office and I had Hulu pulled up, it would be fair for someone to assume that I'm watching TV while being on the clock.

 

So in this situation... where someone walks in on someone else listening to porn, it's fair for someone to assume that they possibly walked in on someone elses inappropriate behavior at work.

 

But you have no proof of what he was doing or what he was watching. You don't even have any proof that the mass email was anything to do with him at all. Obviously someone was seen on their phone or using a work computer to check personal emails or whatever. That mass email happens at my work often because we are not allowed to use personal devises or work devises for personal use. Everything you have said is simply speculation, nothing more. You appear to get rather bitter and snappy when everyone else points this out to you.

 

Also, i never said it was acceptable to do things like that at work, hence what i wrote in brackets.

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For those justifying masturbating/watching porn at work, I really hope you're saying this just to be harsh on random people online and you don't actually feel like this behavior is appropriate in the workplace. I definitely will knock beforehand for now on but cmon... Let's not be stupid for shock value. I don't want anyone fired.

 

Thanks for the responses...

 

I think it's absolutely wrong watching porn and masturbating at work, specially in a public office and I think most people here agree that it's wrong. The issue is that you don't have any direct evidence or 100% sure that was that he was doing. I'm curious, how did he react when you entered the room? Has he been treating you differently than usual?

 

I think it's one thing if you complain to the bosses or HR that you caught a co-worker using his phone to do non related work stuff during the work time (like that e-mail mentions) but not complain to the HR that he was masturbating at work because you're not sure if it was that he was doing. And I'm saying this not as a way of excusing masturbation at work (if that was what was happening), but to avoid you getting into trouble or making serious false accusations you're not sure nor can prove.

 

As to the discomfort you feel, there's not much you can do. I'd say avoid him besides work matters if you feel so uncomfortable around him and try to move on. If you feel so bad and traumatised I suggest therapy or changing jobs for your own mental health good.

 

( Just as a personal experience, I never use my phone at work (I literally have no time even if I wanted as I don't stop for a minute while working), but I'm in a whatsapp group with friends that sometimes send very inappropriate videos (comedic, not porn itself). Were I to open those videos at work or in a public setting in general and someone looked at my phone or listened to the videos, they'd probably think I was watching porn or something like that in public. However, I have the common sense and discretion of never opening those videos or group conversations in public. I think he should have too, because it's careless to watch inappropriate videos, comedic or not in public settings and with sound. But still, you haven't seen enough to be 100% sure he was getting off with porn at work )

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I'm aware that it's natural and it's just masturbation

 

Not natural at work, obviously, so glad to hear that someone else likely reported the incident. There's something sick about someone who's willing to risk their job and reputation to do this on the job, so I'd be on high alert regarding this coworker--he's got a screw loose.

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What exactly did you see, OP?

 

You heard noises coming from his phone. We get that. Perhaps he was indeed watching porn.

 

But you went on to say you are sure he was masturbating, which is not the same as simply watching. That's the part you haven't been able to clarify. So, what was this man actually doing? Did he have his hand in his pants? Did he jump and try to zip up when you entered? Was he embarrassed to see you walk in? Did he try to rearrange himself and cover his crotch? Or?

 

The details of what you actually witnessed are scant, so it would be helpful if you'd paint a more detailed picture if you would like posters to see where you're coming from.

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I know it’s been said, but you really need to be in the habit of knocking.

 

I worked with a woman who was breastfeeding so she’d shut her door to pump. She got walked in on, and that was uncomfortable for everyone. She shouldn’t have to put up a sign that says “pumping!” - people should instead have enough respect to knock.

 

That being said. Masturbating is not pumping. I’m aware of that.

 

But you don’t know what he did, for sure, so don’t report it. That’ll make you look bad.

 

Why would reporting this make you more comfortable?

 

How would you report it? I think I saw? I think I heard?

 

YOU will lose credibility here. Unless you can say something definitive, it’s a losing battle.

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