Why do short relationships hurt so much?

So, I met this girl at the beginning of october last year and we went on weekly dates untill the end of the year when I asked her 2 days before new year to be exclusive. She said yes, but we kept taking it slowly and I was happy with the way things were going. We were together for about a month and a half and then she hit me with "I'm not over my ex" thing. I wished her all the best and went completely NC from that moment on.

Today I went with my friends to the city where she is originally from and I have seen her holding a hand of a guy and something in me crushed. I just feel really sad about all of it. I cant pinpoint to whether I feel sad that she is with somebody else and there will be no way of us getting back together or I feel sad because it's so hard for me to find somebody that I click with so much.

Why do these short relationships hurt as much as those long term?

I think mostly because people don't manage their expectations very well. You move too quickly, falling in love before you even know the person, and then when it doesn't work out, you feel disappointed and your ego hurts.

It's more your ego gets alittle crushed and thoughts of possiblities are destroyed that hurts, than actual hurt about the person.

So, I met this girl at the beginning of october last year and we went on weekly dates untill the end of the year when I asked her 2 days before new year to be exclusive. She said yes, but we kept taking it slowly and I was happy with the way things were going. We were together for about a month and a half and then she hit me with "I'm not over my ex" thing. I wished her all the best and went completely NC from that moment on.

Today I went with my friends to the city where she is originally from and I have seen her holding a hand of a guy and something in me crushed. I just feel really sad about all of it. I cant pinpoint to whether I feel sad that she is with somebody else and there will be no way of us getting back together or I feel sad because it's so hard for me to find somebody that I click with so much.

 

Why do these short relationships hurt as much as those long term?

Either rebounding or void filling

If you date out of need rather than as a goal or to compliment your life, its gonna be rough waters.

Many many many people date in this matter, including her (rebounding) so it works for some, some dont like feeling like this so they work on themselves so they go out into the dating world with their armor ready to go. Rejection sucks no matter what, for some its a brief sting for others it wipes them out.

Its really up to you which route you choose to take.

ETA so I took a quick peek

Things get easier as the time passes on, you get contacted by your ex once or twice again but you just brush it off and don't respond. You are stronger now, and feel better. But you are still not over her, some days you still think of her and miss her.

Then you meet somebody that you like and they treat you so much better than your ex. Your ex slowly fades away in your mind. You probably still remember her fondly,but you feel about her just like you feel about that "good" friend you had in HS that you just split ways from and never heard of him after finishing the school.

Now you have some other worries in your life, some other battles to win and your ex doesn't take so much of your memory and energy as she used to.

Looks like you were rebounding. In fact, I dont think I could describe a more text book example of a rebound.

Now that I read it I remember reading that post. I stopped responding to 'happy updates' people post on the heartbreak threads. Mainly because I dont want to sound like a b*tch but the truth is most if not all of them are rebounds. If your road to recovery story includes meeting someone else, you view successfully moving on as finding a replacement and it isnt.

I believe that in general we are hurt because we put too much hope in them. Often ignoring very obvious red flags.

I just started recently dating after being single for a while (4 years) focusing on myself and my kids. I had dated before and I thought, this time, I had a thicker skin. However, I was again disappointed.

What I'm trying to say is that if you feel hurt after ending a short so called relationship, then you must look at your behavior, expectations and the vibe you're pitting out there. Take a deep look in to yourself firts and work on your issues.

They hurt because you've created a fantasy and filled in the blanks of the new relationship where something was missing. Also because if the feelings in the new relationship are very intense, it hurts more. You're missing the fantasy of the relationship and the future you thought you'd have with her more than her real self. Also the feeling of rejection, specially due to another person, has a way of amplifying everything.

Years ago I was with a man for 3 months and it was all very intense and he told me at the time that he had broken up with his ex because he didn't feel it anymore. One day out of the blue he sends me a text breaking up and saying that be couldn't stop thinking about his ex and wasn't over her and some days after I realise he had gotten back together with her. I was just a rebound and despite it only have been 2 or 3 months of relationship, I felt devastated when I got that text. In time when I began thinking rationally again, I realised that I didn't have that much feelings for him and it was more the idea of being in a relationship and my fantasies that I was missing and also the hurt of feeling rejected and not him as he was.

You will find other people with whom you'll connect. In the scarcity mentality of feeling rejected and left behind, we put people on pedestal and think we'll never connect with someone again. That's often not true, but you have to open yourself to it and not compare future women with this woman.

Sorry this happened. That sort of thing always stings. Intensity and investment can make it hurt

I went with my friends to the city where she is originally from and I have seen her holding a hand of a guy and something in me crushed. I just feel really sad about all of it. I cant pinpoint to whether I feel sad that she is with somebody else and there will be no way of us getting back together or I feel sad because it's so hard for me to find somebody that I click with so much.

It’s more about intensity, investment and the feeling things ended prematurely than time.

If you're really upset over a 6 week involvement, it's about a fantasy you created to make yourself feel better more than the actual person. Disappointments happen. Move forward and try again.

It hurts because 3 months was long enough for you to fall in love.

It hurts because 3 months was long enough for you to fall in love.

This^^^^

It's so true.

I think they hurt more because it seems like one person (the dumper) cuts it off before it ever even started.

Or it started but they cut it off during the initial period of excitement, when emotions are at a peek and you had yet to experience the day to day where things can become routine and mundane.

So many things never said, never experienced, dreams crushed.

Yeah that hurts, and is also very confusing because rarely do you get a reason that makes any sense.

The dumper may not even know the reason him/herself.

Which only adds to the hurt.