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Thread: First Contact in Ten Years

  1. #21
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forumalias
    Wow. This is forcing me to reconsider my part in all this..

    I was a real jerk...
    Then why was her letter "apologetic?"
    The note is friendly and apologetic
    What exactly did the letter say?

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's literally impossible to know what her motivations are.

    I find it difficult to believe, after 8 and a half years, she emailed you to get closure. And now wants to escalate to phone?

    Possible but not likely imo.

    She could be lonely, in a dry spell, has some regrets; her email was a "feeler" email.

    I mean after all this time it would be crazy for her to just pour out her feels and announce she wants to try again.

    Hence the feeler email.

    You responded, which on some level tells her you still care. Now she wants to talk on phone.

    If you have no interest in pursuing this, you need to nip this in the bud asap.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Then why was her letter "apologetic?"


    What exactly did the letter say?
    I was clingy and pushy back then. I am extremely introverted and I just did not know how to handle a relationship with a woman I thought far beyond my reach. I basically threw a tantrum and broke up with her in order to escape even the chance of judgment and rejection. Then I N.C.ed her hard.

    She wants to understand what happened, I guess. I don't want to copy and paste, but she is not happy with how things ended and wants to talk on the phone.

    The more I post the more I realize that maybe in her mind I dumped her abruptly and she is the one still seeking closure. I'm reeling at the prospect that I might have been the offending party all these years.

    I sent a letter of apology for being so needy and reactive back then. She may call me if she wishes. No hard feelings.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    So are you saying YOU wrote a letter first and now after all this time she is responding to it?

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's literally impossible to know what her motivations are.

    I find it difficult to believe, after 8 and a half years, she emailed you to get closure. And now wants to escalate to phone?

    Possible but not likely imo.

    She could be lonely, in a dry spell, has some regrets; her email was a "feeler" email.

    I mean after all this time it would be crazy for her to just pour out her feels and announce she wants to try again.

    Hence the feeler email.

    You responded, which on some level tells her you still care. Now she wants to talk on phone.

    If you have no interest in pursuing this, you need to nip this in the bud asap.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    So are you saying YOU wrote a letter first and now after all this time she is responding to it?
    No. She emailed first after eight years. I ended it and N.C.ed her. But I always gave her credit for the dumping because she seemed to be losing interest anyway. But now I realize I might actually have really been the unreasonable dumper. Which is why she is still looking to talk after almost nine years of me not attempting to contact her.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forumalias
    No. She emailed first after eight years.
    So this letter you sent her was in response to her email mentioned in your opening post?
    I sent a letter of apology for being so needy and reactive back then. She may call me if she wishes. No hard feelings.
    Sorry for being confused on the time-line of the letters.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's literally impossible to know what her motivations are.

    I find it difficult to believe, after 8 and a half years, she emailed you to get closure. And now wants to escalate to phone?

    Possible but not likely imo.

    She could be lonely, in a dry spell, has some regrets; her email was a "feeler" email.

    I mean after all this time it would be crazy for her to just pour out her feels and announce she wants to try again.

    Hence the feeler email.

    You responded, which on some level tells her you still care. Now she wants to talk on phone.

    If you have no interest in pursuing this, you need to nip this in the bud asap.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    So this letter you sent her was in response to her email mentioned in your opening post?


    Sorry for being confused on the time-line of the letters.
    Yes, I just sent that today.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forumalias
    Yes, I just sent that today.
    So then you chose (B) from the choices mentioned in your opening post.
    a) just pretend I never saw the email; or b) write something nice but without any attempt at keeping a conversation going.
    So, you've made a decision on what to do about her email.

    Let us know how she responds to your apology and what her intention is in contacting you in the first place. Nothing else to do or say to you now but wait.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forumalias
    By the way, I have NOT responded.
    You also have not answered my questions from page one.

    Hard for me to give my 2 cents until you do....

    Carus*

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's literally impossible to know what her motivations are.

    I find it difficult to believe, after 8 and a half years, she emailed you to get closure. And now wants to escalate to phone?

    Possible but not likely imo.

    She could be lonely, in a dry spell, has some regrets; her email was a "feeler" email.

    I mean after all this time it would be crazy for her to just pour out her feels and announce she wants to try again.

    Hence the feeler email.

    You responded, which on some level tells her you still care. Now she wants to talk on phone.

    If you have no interest in pursuing this, you need to nip this in the bud asap.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    So then you chose (B) from the choices mentioned in your opening post.


    So, you've made a decision on what to do about her email.

    Let us know how she responds to your apology and what her intention is in contacting you in the first place. Nothing else to do or say to you now but wait.
    She got back to me. I'm 98% sure she is trying to get back with me. She is trying to arrange a phone call to catch up. She keeps mentioning how well I used to treat her and how she can't forget it. She has been meaning to call for two years.

    So her relationship (maybe the same guy she met after me) has been crap for a while and now it's over and maybe he's already with someone and she is not. So she is definitely romanticizing the path not taken. At least I think so.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's literally impossible to know what her motivations are.

    I find it difficult to believe, after 8 and a half years, she emailed you to get closure. And now wants to escalate to phone?

    Possible but not likely imo.

    She could be lonely, in a dry spell, has some regrets; her email was a "feeler" email.

    I mean after all this time it would be crazy for her to just pour out her feels and announce she wants to try again.

    Hence the feeler email.

    You responded, which on some level tells her you still care. Now she wants to talk on phone.

    If you have no interest in pursuing this, you need to nip this in the bud asap.
    Originally Posted by Carus
    I agree with LHGirl^^

    But 2 questions which came to mind for me were:

    A) Are you in a relationship currently?
    and
    B) Would you want to get back together with her?

    You could always just catchup over coffee with no expectations.....

    The other thought I had was "10 years! Holy sh*t!".....lol

    Carus*
    No and I am not sure. I used to think of her as the one that got away, but now I'm over that sort of thinking.

    And we are half a continent apart. So it is not realistic.

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