“I like the idea of us trying something together, but I’m afraid of the result”?

This is what the girl I ghosted five years ago said, amongst other things, when I got in touch with her.

Could this mean she still might have feelings for me?

Why did you get in touch with her after that long? Have you recently broken up with someone? That statement means 'no, not interested'. Leave her be and rather than backtrack through the black book, seek out new fresh dating opportunities.

Why did you get in touch with her after that long? Have you recently broken up with someone? That statement means 'no, not interested'. Leave her be and rather than backtrack through the black book, seek out new fresh dating opportunities.

No I haven’t. I still have feelings for her.

For her to have sent such a long reply, if she’s not interested, it was really loaded. She could have just said she didn’t want to hear from me or even not have replied at all.

If she is smart, she will not. I would not give a chance to someone if they ghosted me. Terrible, cowardly and rude! I do not know what is wrong with people like you!

No I haven’t. I still have feelings for her.

 

For her to have sent such a long reply, if she’s not interested, it was really loaded. She could have just said she didn’t want to hear from me or even not have replied at all.

But if you had feelings for her 5 years ago, then why did you ghost her? And how do you still have feelings for her after 5 years of not talking to her? Why did you wait 5 years to talk to someone you ghosted? Makes no sense.

I think this means she's not interested in pursuing something with you. And she's smart, because "ghost me once, shame on you... ghost me twice shame on me".

No I haven’t. I still have feelings for her.

 

For her to have sent such a long reply, if she’s not interested, it was really loaded. She could have just said she didn’t want to hear from me or even not have replied at all.

What long reply? What else did she say?

The sentence you quoted here doesn't lend much hope for you, to be honest.

Sounds like you two have a history where she knows you're bad news. If she's smart, she'll listen to her gut and not try to have a relationship with someone who ghosted her.

You said you "still" have feelings for her. Which would suggest you had feelings for her when you chose to dump her.

And by ghosting which is the absolute worst and most uncaring way to dump someone.

I realize our questions may make you uncomfortable but no one's judging.

Intimacy, relationship fears are very real, talking things out on an anonymous forum like this can be very helpful.

And may shed a different light on why some people ghost.

Running away from people you care about never resolves anything, the feelings remain there lingering, festering until months or years later you feel this almost uncontrollable urge to deal with them and want the person back.

Not realizing the same fears and reasons why you ghosted are still there!

It sounds like she's worried you'll ghost her again. If she's smart, she won't give you the opportunity. It rarely works out better the second time than it did the first. Why did you ghost her in the first place? What makes you think the same issue that caused you to want to leave the first time will be any different now? Five years is a long time to still like her and build up a fantasy of her in your head. It would be nice if she gives you another chance, but don't walk into this thinking she's going to be what you've been imagining for this long. Let everything evolve. You're starting over. If the same issue pops up that prompted you to break up the first time, this time tell her instead of ghosting. That's just cruel.

If she is smart, she will not. I would not give a chance to someone if they ghosted me. Terrible, cowardly and rude! I do not know what is wrong with people like you!

I don’t know what was wrong with me either. I didn’t ghost her because I didn’t like her anymore, I just got really frustrated because I didn’t think she liked me back - even though it was obvious she did. I had a lot of doubts. I was impatient, inconsiderate and just a moron. I didn’t consider her feelings when I ghosted her.

You said you "still" have feelings for her. Which would suggest you had feelings for her when you chose to dump her.

 

And by ghosting which is the absolute worst and most uncaring way to dump someone.

 

I realize our questions may make you uncomfortable but no one's judging.

 

Intimacy, relationship fears are very real, talking things out on an anonymous forum like this can be very helpful.

 

And may shed a different light on why some people ghost.

 

Running away from people you care about never resolves anything, the feelings remain there lingering, festering until months or years later you feel this almost uncontrollable urge to deal with them and want the person back.

 

Not realizing the same fears and reasons why you ghosted are still there!

The main reason I ghosted her was out of frustration. I didn’t think she liked me back. I had known her for 4 years and I had gradually fallen for her. I never told her this.

I’m ashamed of what I did, not least what I put her through. It was so cruel.

We saw eachother from afar last summer. Part of me wanted to see her, part of me didn’t, and that’s down to the shame too. I know she liked me back then.

What long reply? What else did she say?

 

The sentence you quoted here doesn't lend much hope for you, to be honest.

My first text was me asking if we could meet up because I really want to see her.

Her long reply included what I put in the title, and then how all the hurt and pain had come back, that she’s had big issues in her other relationships, that shes still affected now and has never felt the same. There were other things too but it’s personal.

It's about fear imo, and like many folks who struggle with such fears, you're not even aware of it.

All you know is you're uncomfortable/frustrated/confused and want out.

So you start finding fault with her, making it her fault, like in your case convincing yourself she wasn't into you, even though you know she was!

Has this been a pattern in all your relationships? Finding fault and ghosting? Or just this girl?

Also, if you ghosted her because you didn't think she was into you back then, why after five long years, would you think she's into you now, and reach out?

Do you think or hope she miraculously developed feelings for you within that five year period?

Can you clarify, because on one hand you say you ghosted because you didn't think she was into you, but on the other hand you acknowledge she was into you!

Very confusing and I think there is something deeper within you going on.

Worth exploring otherwise it becomes a pattern whenever you begin to develop strong feelings for a woman.

But if you had feelings for her 5 years ago, then why did you ghost her? And how do you still have feelings for her after 5 years of not talking to her? Why did you wait 5 years to talk to someone you ghosted? Makes no sense.

 

I think this means she's not interested in pursuing something with you. And she's smart, because "ghost me once, shame on you... ghost me twice shame on me".

Because I was a jumped up moron. I was frustrated, impatient, and in full doubt of whether she liked me or not.

Don’t ask me why I still have feelings for her, j don’t know. They don’t just switch off. We were “together” for 4 years, and what we had really marked me.

It took me five years because I was in other relationships. The first year or even two was about “moving on” and then I was with other women. I couldn’t give them 100%. I often found myself thinking about the girl in question and I just had to finish them. I’ve been in denial for long about my feelings.

Maybe one day I can forgive myself for what I did and stop living in regret.

It's about fear imo, and like many folks who struggle with such fears, you're not even aware of it.

 

All you know is you're uncomfortable/frustrated/confused and want out.

 

So you start finding fault with her, making it her fault, like in your case convincing yourself she wasn't into you, even though you know she was!

 

Has this been a pattern in all your relationships? Finding fault and ghosting? Or just this girl?

Just her. Ghosting her had absolutely nothing to do with her, can I make that any more clearer. It was completely selfish. My frustrations came to such a point that I thought ghosting her would help me move on.

Too little too late, just move on.

Also, if you ghosted her because you didn't think she was into you back then, why after five long years, would you think she's into you now, and reach out?

 

Do you think or hope she miraculously developed feelings for you within that five year period?

 

Can you clarify, because on one hand you say you ghosted because you didn't think she was into you, but on the other hand you acknowledge she was into you!

 

Very confusing and I think there is something deeper within you going on.

 

Worth exploring otherwise it becomes a pattern whenever you begin to develop strong feelings for a woman.

It’s down to me still having feelings for her. I was trying to see whether she still might have feelings for me.

I know I ed it up big time with her five years ago.

I’ve grown up considerably since then.

It’s down to me still having feelings for her. I was trying to see whether she still might have feelings for me.

 

I know I ed it up big time with her five years ago.

 

I’ve grown up considerably since then.

Ok fair enough, and apologies for getting so psycho-analytical on you!

I hope it all works out for you but if not, lesson learned?

Don't do hurtful things like ghost, always comes back to bite you in the ass eventually.

I'm sorry and good luck no matter what happens.

 

I’ve grown up considerably since then.

And that will be great for the next girl that comes into your life. 5 years ago is a long time, people change...she's not that girl you knew, she's grown up and moved on...just like you should do now.

I don't believe you still have feelings for her. If you did you wouldn't have treated her like crap by ghosting her. Really crap thing to do to someone. My guess is that you're not getting enough female attention at the moment and decided to contact her to see if you was still up for it with you. Leave her alone. You don't deserve her.

My first text was me asking if we could meet up because I really want to see her.

 

Her long reply included what I put in the title, and then how all the hurt and pain had come back, that she’s had big issues in her other relationships, that shes still affected now and has never felt the same. There were other things too but it’s personal.

I don't see any hope for a reconciliation there, OP.

Some things just can't be undone and she's letting you know she doesn't see you as a relationship candidate. But, now you know. It's time to move on.

Because I was a jumped up moron. I was frustrated, impatient, and in full doubt of whether she liked me or not.

 

Don’t ask me why I still have feelings for her, j don’t know. They don’t just switch off. We were “together” for 4 years, and what we had really marked me.

 

It took me five years because I was in other relationships. The first year or even two was about “moving on” and then I was with other women. I couldn’t give them 100%. I often found myself thinking about the girl in question and I just had to finish them. I’ve been in denial for long about my feelings.

 

Maybe one day I can forgive myself for what I did and stop living in regret.

You were in a relationship with this girl for 4 years and then you ghosted her instead of breaking up face to face and directly? That's awful.

Or were you just friends and you felt like you had unrequited feelings? Because if that was the case then going no contact to move on was a good decision from you.

She's not interested in trying again with you, so here you have the answer and closure you need to move on.

Did you recently break up? Unfortunately unless you get to the root of 'not giving 100%' in either of these or other relationships you will take whoever your with for granted and fantasize about the one who got away. Even if this ex wanted you back, in a short time all the difficulties would return and your mind will wander back to whoever you last dumped or ghosted. It may be best to reflect and consider why the grass is always greener.

I was with other women. I couldn’t give them 100%. I often found myself thinking about the girl in question and I just had to finish them.

You ghosted her at the end of a 4 year relationship? Holy crap. Leave this poor girl alone. I'm sure you destroyed her. Don't bring those feeling back. She'd never fully trust you again, even if she got back with you.