Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: I hate my brothers ex and I feel depressed about his break up,am I normal?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,106
    Gender
    Female
    Their relationship may have looked perfect on the outside, it may not have been on the inside. Things were probably eroding little by little over time. People can out grow each other, wanting different things, wanting to take life in a different direction. So stop pointing the finger at her. It was probably both their fault, maybe from not listening or not communicating properly. It happens. Relationships end, it's a natural progression of life. Now it's perfectly normal to feel heartbreak. Losing a relaitonship is like losing a loved one. You all are going through the grieving process. Look up the 5 or 7 stages of grieving. It takes time but in about a month, everyone should be feeling much better. Week by week the waves of pain start to dissipate. It's all about healing...it's good for everyone to experience it, because it teaches you how to cope. Just be supportive to your brother, be his light, be positive.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,943
    Gender
    Female
    It is better that she ended it before marriage vs divorced later. I have family members who had broken engagements, got their act together and then found someone else at the right time.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Melbourne,Australia
    Posts
    206
    Gender
    Female
    I have been thinking about it and I don't hate her I'm just dissapointed because I know how much my brother loves her, she was already part of the family a long time ago. I wouldn't speak badly of her as my brother doesn't want that and it's not helpful to him or anyone.

    It might be weird for some people but my family isn't very big so when something like this happens it really hurts as we are all very close.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,005
    Originally Posted by chocolate_86
    I have been thinking about it and I don't hate her I'm just dissapointed because I know how much my brother loves her, she was already part of the family a long time ago. I wouldn't speak badly of her as my brother doesn't want that and it's not helpful to him or anyone.

    It might be weird for some people but my family isn't very big so when something like this happens it really hurts as we are all very close.
    Yes, I think many of us can relate. I am also very close to my brothers and it hasn't been pleasant when they've suffered heartbreaks over the years. Some of their exes were like family, and the same was true when I went through my own breakups and had to extricate myself from my exes' families too. It's hard. Nobody here faults you for that.

    The point many of us are trying to make is that you are allowing your own emotions to become tangled up in his, which is not healthy (to the extent you described here) While I don't doubt you feel a lot of empathy for your brother, it would be worth reflecting inwards to try to determine what's going on within you that has you this shaken up.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Melbourne,Australia
    Posts
    206
    Gender
    Female
    Feel guilty for me being happy and him not being happy. Feel sad for my parents going through this with him.

    Feel guilty for having my engagement party coming up and expecting everyone to be happy. More than anything just guilt.

    It's not about anything except that, as I am happy with my fiancee who is very supportive
    of my family and i.

  7. #16
    Originally Posted by chocolate_86
    Feel guilty for me being happy and him not being happy. Feel sad for my parents going through this with him.

    Feel guilty for having my engagement party coming up and expecting everyone to be happy. More than anything just guilt.

    It's not about anything except that, as I am happy with my fiancee who is very supportive
    of my family and i.
    If your brother knew you felt all this guilt he would tell you to stop being so utterly ridiculous. No one should ever have to feel guilty for being happy. It will get better for him in time so don't cause issues in your own life because of this.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,180
    Gender
    Female
    It's natural to feel upset for your brother, but also for yourself because you loved her. However, all relationships being voluntary, nobody needs anyone else's permission in order to exit any relationship that isn't working for them. Since nobody else is living our love lives FOR us, nobody else gets a vote. Breakups don't make anyone a villain, they're an unfortunate part of life.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,005
    Originally Posted by chocolate_86
    It's not about anything except that, as I am happy with my fiancee who is very supportive
    of my family and i.
    What I mean is that perhaps this is your biggest fear too - your fiance suddenly deciding he wants out and leaving you. I don't mean he's done anything to suggest he wants out, to be very clear. But sometimes our sense of security is deeply shaken when we see some of our worst fears actually play out with those we love. "If it can happen to them, can it happen to me?"-type thinking. We wind up reacting to the fear of the same thing happening to us.

    Allow me to illustrate with an example: My own best friend seemed to almost take it personally when I found out that a long-term ex of mine had been unfaithful (years ago now) We were all shocked, as he really didn't seem capable of it, but we were wrong. She was particularly upset and later explained to me that a lot of her projected anger stemmed from the fear that if a guy who seemed to be as great and upstanding as my ex could cheat, she worried maybe her own man could do the same. She has always pinned both of them as great men, and was disturbed to learn that such a guy could secretly behave so poorly.

    Something to think about.

  10. 04-17-2019, 05:49 AM

  11. #19
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Melbourne,Australia
    Posts
    206
    Gender
    Female
    Thanks guys, I am much better now, at the time I posted this I was very upset. I'm still upset but can see the blessing in disguise.

    It seems that she did the right thing she didn't love him anymore and he's not the first person to have experienced this. Millions of people go through this everyday. Doesn't change that I know how happy he was and is devastated. That hurts the family but we will help him, it'll all be ok eventually.

    When one of us hurts we all hurt and it sucks but it's a part of life.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •