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Thread: How do I move on without closure?

  1. #11
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    I'm sorry that this happened.

    I would ask, how many more break ups can you take? For me, two would be my limit. You can't count on this guy. Be thankful that you did not marry. He is not a keeper.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    I hear you, actions speak louder than words. I guess I'm just struggling to comes to terms with that as what we had up until he bailed was just so perfect. I've never been happier and never felt to secure in my future so it's a hard one to swallow after having it all ripped from under me.
    Was it, though?

    He bailed early on too, and was asking you to marry him after just 4 months. There were signs this wasn't as rosy as you're telling yourself.

    I know it's hard to concede now, but this man is not marriage material. Being "spooked" like this would make a marriage just about impossible, with him likely to be the type to back out days before the wedding or walking out on you soon after. It is going to hurt for a while; however, he has probably just saved you from a painful marriage that wouldn't have lasted.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. He does not want to get married and you do. It's that simple. You are incompatible and it has surfaced before. Collecting your belongings and breaking up is the closure.
    Originally Posted by Toriana
    he had been "safe and single" for so long.
    He told me he panicked on the phone and would do better putting his thoughts in writing so I asked him to do so as I couldn't understand why out of nowhere he was doing this.
    I've had to move in with my elderly grandfather, I don't drive and I have no way of easily tracking my fiance down to get my answers or to help him if that's what he needs.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    ...very early in my relationship with my fiance he broke up with me seemingly out of nowhere ... he told me he had gotten spooked as he had been "safe and single" for so long.
    He gave you your closure from the gate, you just didn't take it. He's just confirming for you what he showed you from the start: he's not someone who can be trusted to be a partner, much less a husband. So you've dodged a bullet--a bit late, but there's no time like the present to move your focus forward toward building the kind of bright future that will give you the backbone to never tolerate a flake.

    Head high, and create your own closure. You will thank yourself later, because this guy has already showed you everything you need to know about him. So the question becomes, will you heed that warning and make the right choice for yourself to move forward?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Was it, though?

    He bailed early on too, and was asking you to marry him after just 4 months. There were signs this wasn't as rosy as you're telling yourself.

    I know it's hard to concede now, but this man is not marriage material. Being "spooked" like this would make a marriage just about impossible, with him likely to be the type to back out days before the wedding or walking out on you soon after. It is going to hurt for a while; however, he has probably just saved you from a painful marriage that wouldn't have lasted.
    This!

    I thought I responded but I must not have pressed submit. I was gonna ask, did you find his asking you to marry him after 4 months as a red flag or did it make you happy. He love bombed you and instead of running away you latched on.

  7. #16
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    It took me aback and I did say that it's something we should be talking about once we've established ourselves (moving in etc). He asked me again 6 months on from then and to me I saw it as this is something he still wants after living with me and now I do too so let's do it.
    I struggle with confidence and my last relationship lasted 7 years and we essentially were nothing more than friends so it was new to me feeling loved like that and I could agree I latched onto it. To me I saw it as "this is how love is meant to be".
    I evidently don't see "red flags" but I've not had any prior experience with them other than drinking or drugs. People are complex and I always look for the good obviously to my detriment.

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