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Thread: What would you do?

  1. #1
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    What would you do?

    Ok, Iíll try to give you the short version. Have been married 12 years, during which time my husband has had quite a History of dishonesty. So about a month ago he was working away and I woke up at midnight and for some reason, donít ask me why I felt I needed to have a loon at his emails on the computer.
    So I found some emails from a salesperson at the electrical wholesaler (female) where my husband gets his supplies for his business from. A lot of them are quite flirty (mostly on her part) but there were a couple that really raised red flags for me.
    First one was on that went like this:
    Her: ok Iím running out of ideas, what do you want tomorrow?
    Husband: All of you, or a day off
    Her: hahaha Iíll see what I can do with all of me
    Husband: awesome!

    Second email was her saying ďI have a question. How does a convo about wanting to borrow a mates place for the afternoon to boink (have sex) with someone who ainít the wifey go? Hahaha
    So eventually i confronted my husband and he told me that she had sent him a pic of herself in a bikini and he had sent her one back of a cartoon penis. And when I asked him about the second email about borrowing someoneís house he said he had no idea why he sent that and that they had never discussed having sex and heíd never replied to that email.
    I canít imagine that this is the whole story. He also said that she had been complaining about not getting sex from her husband and heíd told her he was in the same boat.
    I truly feel there is much more to this story, I canít believe that everything that happened between them is what I discovered myself in the emails. When I looked through he phone before I confronted him, all the messages from her had been deleted.
    Heís admitted he messed up big time but I really donít think heís telling me the truth when he says this is all there is to the story. Like how does one photo lead to the second email 6-8 weeks later? Iím also devastated that he asked this woman for a pic of ďall of herĒ.
    What would everyone else think/do?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would call a lawyer. He is emotionally cheating and either has physically or will .

  3. #3
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    You said he has a "history of dishonesty". So this set of events isn't the only thing that's happened?

    Me? I'd bounce. Yeah, I know, it's 12 years of your life (plus the time you dated), but do you want to be here in another 12 years, posting the same question, 12 years older?

    This is Who. He. Is. You either learn to live with his indiscretions, or you live alone. I'd rather live alone.

    I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rough. I'm trying to give you my honest opinion.

  4. #4
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree with the others. There is MUCH more to the story than he is telling you. When cheaters get caught, they always try to minimize their sins and say it was nothing. The fact that he was discussing your sex life with this woman is outrageous.

    He's not going to stop.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I know what my ethics and boundaries are. I like a man who shares what mine are. If my husband crossed boundaries like this, I'd think he wasn't worthy of me. For some people, a last ditch effort to save the marriage with couples counseling is something they could try. For others, it'd be too hard to forgive and trust would be too hard to ever achieve.

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    Thankyou ladies. I have actually left but had this worry that I was making more of this than I should. as heartbroken as I am, I know I could forgive this but never forget or put myself in the position where he could betray me again. He is of course devastated and completely sorry what what happened which really doesnít make me feel good at all. But I need to think about myself. He wasnít thinking about my feelings or what this would do to our family when he was carrying on with this woman.

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He is sorry he got caught.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    He is sorry he got caught.
    Exactly.

    He's sorry because he can no longer have his cake and eat it too. He can no longer play his disgusting games, by sneaking around. Sending and receiving pics will no longer be fun for him, since the fun is the secrecy.

    He's "sorry, not sorry".

  10. #9
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    Oh yes of course heís sorry he got caught. Because now he needs to accept the consequences of what he did and what he allowed to happen. Still donít like seeing another human suffer emotionally though.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Ugh! I am some random stranger on the internet -I don't know you or him -but when I read those email fragments, my own heart dropped into my stomach. What a thing to find. I am so sorry it had to happen this way.

    imo what it comes down to is this: He's sorry, but is he transparent and fully holding himself accountable? That would be the only way I would even consider feeling any sympathy for him. Just ugh!

    Of course you feel badly for him because you're a good person. But good for you for being strong and standing up for yourself. You are not overreacting at all! If you're ever concerned about that, simply come back here and post and we'll reassure you. :) Take care of yourself.

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