My friend wants to be friends with benefits??

Hi! I'm in college and I'm friends with a guy from my year, and I can say that I like him more than a friend and I would love to date him, BUT. He doesn't do relationships. At all. Since I have met him, he hasn't been in a serious relationship once. He has had a number of one-night stands that he someone talks about and probably more that I don't know about. A few days ago he kissed me when we were hanging out. My brain didn't really catch up with my thoughts and I answered. Felt amazing, but now I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be another one-night stand! And I don't want to lose his friendship as well! What can I do? Please help me, I'm going crazy

Why dont you try asking him if he'd like to have something more? Honesty is sometimes good.

Which do you prefer? Do you want to be his friend or his lover? If only a friend, then there's no problem. If you feel that he's getting sexual with you, just tell him you want to remain friends. If you want more with him, then explain that you don't want to be a one night stand.

College is the time when you meet the most single guys your age, than any other time in your life. You're pouring your time and emotional energy into a guy who isn't a good risk for your heart, and doesn't want you want. If you peel yourself away from Mr. Nowhere man, you will see that there are other cute, fun, sexy guys all around you.

Think about if you met one of those guys, and then told him you were going to hang out with Nowhere man and he asks, "Have you two ever been a thing?" If you're honest with yourself, you've kissed the guy and have had a crush on him, would it really be appropriate to hang out with him when you'd have to hide that info or tell the new guy who might walk away when he finds this out?

Male/female close friendships are common in college, but when people graduate and get careers and get significant others, those friendships often fade away, so don't think this "friendship" will last forever anyway.

If it's a bf you want, look for someone who is a safer risk for your heart and someone whose dating style and dating goals match yours. What you want matters. Don't settle. Good luck.

Hi! I'm in college and I'm friends with a guy from my year, and I can say that I like him more than a friend and I would love to date him, BUT. He doesn't do relationships. At all. Since I have met him, he hasn't been in a serious relationship once. He has had a number of one-night stands that he someone talks about and probably more that I don't know about. A few days ago he kissed me when we were hanging out. My brain didn't really catch up with my thoughts and I answered. Felt amazing, but now I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be another one-night stand! And I don't want to lose his friendship as well! What can I do? Please help me, I'm going crazy

Oh, honey. You're serious, he's not and he sounds like a boor. Stay away from him if you don't have the energy and if he really is a friend, speak your mind next time and tell him you're looking for a more serious partner. Be clear about what you're looking for if he pulls the same stunt again. Don't bring up his one night stands and keep it classy. Use key words like "serious", "not interested in games", "interested in dating" and explain that you move slowly. If he ever does casually mention a girl here and there that he's been with you may tell him you find his one night stand reports childish and not your cup of tea. Never agree to anything he suggests unless you think it's good for yourself(use your gut instincts always). Ask him what he likes and what he does in his free time, what he intends to do past college. Make your decisions based on the knowledge you know of him.

You'd like a relationship, he'd like to get laid. Do you want to be a friend or a friend with benefits? You need to be honest with him about what you want. If he cant provide that, then you remain friends, if possible, and move down the road to a guy looking for a girlfriend.

It doesn't say in your post anywhere that he wants a fwb thing. How do you know that's what he wants?

Don't compromise what you want and get into a "sex-only" arrangement if you really like this guy and would like to date him. Allowing him to have sex with you without commitment won't "make" him want you for his girlfriend.

Also, if he's into casual sex he could get an STD from one of his one night stands and pass it along to you.

It doesn't say in your post anywhere that he wants a fwb thing. How do you know that's what he wants?

I agree. You’re putring the cart before the horse and assuming when you could easily just speak to him and have strong boundaries. If he wants to have sex and nothing else turn him down, it won’t affecg the friendship if it’s an actual friendship but if you accept sex thinking it will win his heart or weak boundaries it will change things, or he could have kissed you because he’s interested in dating you we don’t know but he does.

I don't want to be another one-night stand!

You are already smitten with your 'friend' so why you would even contemplate going to bed and bonding even further with someone who has history of non committal sex is incomprehensible, really.

He's been grooming you this whole time. He realizes that you have him up high on the infatuation platform and he's just waiting for you to be the one that suggests getting bizzy. That way it was your idea, not his and he can be the player he is conscience free.

He's in college, he's a player and chances are extremely high that he'll just forget you too when the next chick who he is 'friends' with starts idolizing him.

You know his history . Do you want to settle for being his fwb?

Since you know this guy doesn't do relationships and he's into one-night stands, you know his track record. He's seeing whether or not you'll be just another notch on his belt. Don't be his cheap one-stand. A kiss means nothing if he'll treat you like a tramp. He'll just use you and discard you like yesterday's trash.

Tell him the truth about your wanting just a friendship with him and that's it. If he's receptive to your idea of maintaining just friendship between you two, then swell and if not then then go your separate ways. It's time to say, "Adios."

One lazy afternoon day a turtle was swimming happily along a lake. As the turtle was nearing land he heard a scorpion hail it from the muddy shore. A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked the turtle if he would carry him on his back across the lake. The turtle thought it was the craziest thing he ever heard, “Why would I carry you on my back?” he boomed, ‘You’ll sting me while I’m swimming and I’ll drown.”

“My dear turtle friend,” laughed the scorpion, “if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you and drown as well. Now where is the logic in that?”

The turtle pondered this for a moment, and eventually saw the logic in the scorpion’s statement. “You’re right!” said the turtle with a smile. “Hop on!” So the scorpion climbed aboard and the turtle paddled his big fins in the water. Halfway across the lake the scorpion gave the turtle a big sting, and he started to drown. As they both sank into the water the turtle turned to the scorpion with a tear in his eye. “My dear scorpion friend, why did you sting me? Now we are both going to drown…” the turtle was gasping for air. “Where is the… logic in that?”

“It has nothing to do with logic” the scorpion sadly replied, “it’s just my nature.”

- Guess what will happen when you play with a player? He's told you he does not want a relationship. You brain is saying "stop", but your heart is saying, "go, go go!". Only fools rush in. Your brain is right. Your heart is a liar.

You get what you accept. You can not change people, you can only make choices that are appropriate and acceptable to you. Stop hanging out with him and start investing your time and energy into meeting guys who "do relationships" either on campus or dating apps, etc.

Also read the book "he's just not that into you" It will explain that when his dream girl comes along he will suddenly "do relationships" and this line basically means "you're good enough to pump and dump, but not much else". Start reading between the lines. And the book.

I like him more than a friend and I would love to date him, BUT. He doesn't do relationships.

 

I don't want to be another one-night stand!