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Attraction


Randomguy20551

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Hi all,

 

Recently things have gotten alot better in my life ,the video game addiction has subsided and I have started to go out more with my friends at the weekend.

 

Still however there is this deep pain caused by the fact that I can never attract a female. No matter how much I attempt to pursue them I always get denied. It causes me pain because all of my friends are in relationships or at least having casual stuff with girls. Whereas I can't get a girl to even look my way.

 

Given that I am not the best looking and I am extremely skinny for my age and for my height. No matter how much food I eat I can never put on weight .But I am definitely no push over and can hold my own ground. Another thing is I can have a casual conversation but I never know how to steer it in a romantic direction so to say. Btw I'm 18 and haven't kissed a girl in almost 3 years

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Relax. All of us have been through an awkward stage, some longer than others. You'll grow into your own soon enough. Don't worry about what other guys are doing with girls. They have their own hilarious bloopers and worries.

 

Good for you for beating or stopping your addictions. Life is good for you. Keep it that way. Keep yourself intellectually stimulated also and don't forget to feed your mind(don't grow stagnant).

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There are far worse addictions than video games, such as substance abuse, alcoholism, gambling, porn addiction. Those video games might not be so bad! Just make sure that when you do get a girlfriend, you don't play games when she wants to kiss you.

 

Start lifting weights and you will bulk up and your appetite will go up. Depending on your height, you could put on 30 pounds in a few of months. You'll attract a few more women, but it's not a silver bullet.

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I've gone through a similar struggle in my past, though at a much later age. I'm very glad to hear you're trying to sort yourself out while still very young.

Your looks won't matter when it comes to looking for a real relationship - the story may be different when it comes to aiming for something casual but even then you're likely selling yourself short, looks aren't the be all end all.

 

It sounds like you're lacking in confidence so I'm about to say the oldest line in the book - Girls are attracted to confidence.

You sound like you have almost everything you need and all that's left is to put that decisive foot forward.

 

A bit of advice if you plan to meet women without using a dating website:

Keep things casual early on, when you first meet just treat her like you want to hang out because you find her interesting. This isn't meant in a dishonest way, you just don't want to make yourself seem overly eager to bag a girl. To add on to that point - you won't know for sure right off the bat whether or not you two will be right for each other. Keep things friendly, get her number or whatever social media method she likes to use to chat, talk a bit, ask if she wants to go hang out somewhere like maybe a coffee shop or bowling or bike riding w/e.

My key reminders:

You already have all of the required ingredients needed to find yourself a nice girlfriend, there's no need to rush (though I can understand having a strong urge to find someone pronto after being single so long.)

Once you think there could be something between the two of you, don't hesitate to share your feelings. This doesn't need to mean diving in for a kiss or something, it can be as modest as telling her you really like her/enjoy her company and would like to go out again.

Eye contact is very good.

 

Good luck out there champ.

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Hi all,

 

Recently things have gotten alot better in my life ,the video game addiction has subsided and I have started to go out more with my friends at the weekend.

 

Still however there is this deep pain caused by the fact that I can never attract a female. No matter how much I attempt to pursue them I always get denied. It causes me pain because all of my friends are in relationships or at least having casual stuff with girls. Whereas I can't get a girl to even look my way.

 

Given that I am not the best looking and I am extremely skinny for my age and for my height. No matter how much food I eat I can never put on weight .But I am definitely no push over and can hold my own ground. Another thing is I can have a casual conversation but I never know how to steer it in a romantic direction so to say. Btw I'm 18 and haven't kissed a girl in almost 3 years

 

Do you lift weights?

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There are far worse addictions than video games, such as substance abuse, alcoholism, gambling, porn addiction. Those video games might not be so bad! Just make sure that when you do get a girlfriend, you don't play games when she wants to kiss you.

 

Start lifting weights and you will bulk up and your appetite will go up. Depending on your height, you could put on 30 pounds in a few of months. You'll attract a few more women, but it's not a silver bullet.

 

Gaming is just as bad as the others. it can be a serious addiction and takes one's away from life.

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Everything in moderation. I'll have spells of playing video games every night (usually in the winter when its dark after work), then I won't touch them for again 6 months. It's not a bad thing, just a form of entertainment.

 

That being said... You can gain weight. I find most skinny people think they are eating a lot more than they are. They may eat a whole pizza in one sitting, and then not eat for a long time after that.

Really want to put on a little weight? Start hitting the heavy weights. Pick up a simple program like starting strength or Greyskull. Find out your maintenance calories, and then eat above maintenance.

 

Want proof that you can gain weight? Follow Starting Strength's beginner program and GOMAD. (Gallon of milk a day) 2.,400 calories in a gallon with tons of protein. You WILL gain weight. I don't personally recommend this approach, as a lot of it will become fat. I used to be skinny. I wasn't after this.

 

The best thing is to eat a balanced diet with a lot of protein and some complex carbs. Avoid junk sugar. Lift heavy, rest well. Eat above maintenance calories. No need to get super fat to gain muscle.

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Everything in moderation. I'll have spells of playing video games every night (usually in the winter when its dark after work), then I won't touch them for again 6 months. It's not a bad thing, just a form of entertainment.

 

That being said... You can gain weight. I find most skinny people think they are eating a lot more than they are. They may eat a whole pizza in one sitting, and then not eat for a long time after that.

Really want to put on a little weight? Start hitting the heavy weights. Pick up a simple program like starting strength or Greyskull. Find out your maintenance calories, and then eat above maintenance.

 

Want proof that you can gain weight? Follow Starting Strength's beginner program and GOMAD. (Gallon of milk a day) 2.,400 calories in a gallon with tons of protein. You WILL gain weight. I don't personally recommend this approach, as a lot of it will become fat. I used to be skinny. I wasn't after this.

 

The best thing is to eat a balanced diet with a lot of protein and some complex carbs. Avoid junk sugar. Lift heavy, rest well. Eat above maintenance calories. No need to get super fat to gain muscle.

 

He said he had an addiction.

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The thing about addictions is that they all have one thing in common, and that is the seeking of comfort from something external rather than practicing the skill of "self soothing" which is the ability to bring to yourself feelings of worthiness, contentment, calm; from within yourself. Part of learning to do that, is in pursuing activities and hobbies that challenge you in a way that you can overcome and from that gain a feeling of accomplishment.

 

People can get addicted to love, to infatuation, to sex and to the chase of dating, or the ego stoke of approval in cyclical dating or casual relationships, or food, substances or video games, whichever it is for that particular individual that fills the void within them.

 

To become attractive to other people, especially women, you need to have inner confidence that comes from knowing you don't "need" approval or validation from someone else because you are able to give that to yourself. To get there you have to find healthy, productive hobbies or recreational activities that will leave you feeling good about yourself.

 

You might want to think about taking up an interest in fitness and nutrition, read up on it, change your diet, join a gym. If you can't think of a hobby that interests you right now, try volunteering, big brothers, special olympics, etc., anything you think you might like that will give you a sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride and something interesting to tell girls about. Good luck!

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Chin up, man. A lot of men don't start out as big strong Don Juan types, but they do just fine in their 20s and 30s.

 

The great thing is you have a lot of time to build yourself up both mentally and physically. I agree with what others have said here, and I have a few more specifics to add:

 

- Get started working out steadily by first doing bodyweight exercises at home. If you're playing games, every time you start a new "game" or "level" knock out 10+ pushups. Work that number up until you're knocking out 40+

- Consider joining a martial arts studio. Jiu jitsu, thai boxing, kung fu, and western boxing are good examples. These are fun and you'll get in great shape right away. Also, many studios have cool people that you can hang out with.

 

Get out there and kick some butt man!

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Not sure if this is a good idea considering your gaming addiction, but I'm wondering if you can use your addiction in a positive way here. In other words, start applying gamification to your life in a strictly positive way. By gamification, I simply mean that you start rewarding yourself for meeting specific challenges. Either by accumulating points towards a bigger reward for yourself, or individual small rewards, and level achievements.

 

Maybe something like this:

Add healthy weight gain protein to your diet: 10 pts for each thing consumed.

Add weight lifting to your excercise plan: 20 pts for each set of 10 reps of x lbs/kgs.

Gaining 1 pound in a week: 50 pts

Approaching a girl and flirting outrageously: 100 pts

Approaching a girl and asking for her number: 100 pts

Getting her number: 250 pts

Calling or Texting her afterwards: 500 pts

Going on an actual date: Level Up!

 

You know, something like that - challenge yourself and reward yourself. It's far too easy to sit back and let life pass you by, or come to you on its terms. It's another thing to challenge yourself, and conquer your fears, and push past your comfort zone. Gamification allows you to reward yourself, even if only symbolically, or with actual rewards that you give to yourself. If done right, in this case, the rewards are more than points - they'd be along the lines of adding some weight to make you feel better about your appearance* and perhaps actually learning to flirt and be at ease, and getting an actual date with a woman you find attractive. In the end, the rewards add up to a all the things you are currently seeking.

 

Google the term "Gamifcation" for a better understanding of this, and be sure to examine whether this type of action plan would be beneficial to you, or not. I worry slightly that you may get addicted to it, since you already have an addiction to gaming. On the other hand, if used positively in your life, I think it could actually take advantage of your gaming addiction to vastly improve your every day lifestyle. If successful, I foresee you achieving successes where you want them, and by being successful in your personal life, you'll want to retreat less into the gaming world, and the gamification of your life would taper off as the improvements and successes take over. Be cautious, and if you have access to support or counseling regarding your existing gaming addiction, run the concept by them first. I hope it's a helpful idea, but am no expert.

 

*Note: I think I've mentioned this before on here, but the only one judging you on your appearance is generally you. The old quote that fits this is: "You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do." Feel good about yourself, and roll with confidence and people will just accept the way you look as unimportant as it is. Confidence will come from success, success will come from trying. Good luck and keep up the good work!

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  • 2 weeks later...

First of all I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your nice replies and helpful instights . I truly appreciate it .But yes I do realise the addiction that I have to video games and although it is not as severe as other addictions an addiction is still an addiction.

 

I've decided to buy some protein powder in order to help me put on a bit of weight :') I've also paired this with lifting weights and cardio in an effort to improve my lifestyle and also for my own satisfaction.

The only thing I struggle with now is girls as I've had a girlfriend before but shes the one who asked me out so I didn't do much .The loneliness gets to me from time to time but I don't let myself wallow .Once again thank you for your kind words you have all inspired me :)

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I don't agree. If you are glued to your computer all day it impacts every area of your life. An addiction is an addiction.

 

Agree any addiction is detrimental, but I'm thinking GS meant it won't adversely affect your health, in some cases literally killing you like a serious drug, alcohol or food addiction might.

 

But yeah all addictions are serious and be should be addressed ASAP. :)

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