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Thread: 10 years LTR, shes in rebound, but steady contact with me

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    I'm going to speak bluntly and honestly. You are really bad for her and she knows that, that's why you will never get her back. You sound very self absorbed and have one hell of an over inflated ego. This is very unattractive, even to her. If you care about her stop trying to manipulate her. I have no doubt that you have been planting seeds in her head regarding her new boyfriend but in reality of it, he gives her everything you couldn't be bothered to. You repeatedly ignored her requests to move out because she was hated by your parents so she was not at all comfortable. But you didn't care. Instead you spent your time caring more about YOU and what YOU wanted and the things YOU were doing. You're still doing this. Your whole post is about YOU. You never once took into consideration her feelings, only your own. She wont come back to you so you need to let her go so she can be happy with someone who actually appreciates her.
    Spot on!!!!

  2. #12
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    When she says she hates you, moves out, and gets a new boyfriend, you can pretty much bet that it's over.

    Its' going to take some time to get over this. Dating new women is a great step, keep doing that.

    It's not like the movies. You get one chance per-person at love.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Wow you are a real manipulator and a keeper... not!

    You are a selfish individual and the only feeling I got by reading your long long post is empathy for your ex girlfriend.

  4. #14
    We have been talking all day on the phone today and have a date next week :-) Will keep posting how it moved on from there....

  5.  

  6. #15
    Originally Posted by dabugen2k19
    We have been talking all day on the phone today and have a date next week :-) Will keep posting how it moved on from there....
    You manipulated her into it. It's probably not a date, just what your twisted mind thinks it is. I hope she puts you puts you in your place and tells you to leave her alone. She will never forget the way you treated her so don't expect much.

  7. #16
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dabugen2k19
    We have been talking all day on the phone today and have a date next week :-) Will keep posting how it moved on from there....
    The cynicism of this response is astonishing

    Glad you are proud of yourself. Hope your ex is smarter than you give her credit for

  8. #17
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    OP i have to agree with the others.


    Why do you want this girl back? You kept her in a situation at your parents home where they do not get along and you didn't have the marbles to move out? I get the impression you are from a well off family and likely spoilt growing up. This learned behaviour has crossed over into your adult life it seems. You knew she was not happy there, why didn't you move out? To make more money isn't very loving or supportive at all.

    I agree it's good you are making self improvements however these don't even seem to be genuinely for yourself. It seems you take some delight in flaunting this new found you to your ex. YOu also shouldn't be messing with her new relationship although i agree what you said. She was probably monkey branching and lining this guy up when she dumped you which is wrong of her i will say.

    Everything you post screams "me me me" like a petulant child.

    I really hope you continue to make improvements and really hope you manage to find happy but let it be someone new.

  9. 04-05-2019, 09:16 PM

  10. 04-06-2019, 07:52 AM

  11. #18
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, OP. I can feel your pain despite your humour here and there. This is just so pathetic. I mean this sincerely. Please don't ever ask a woman about her orgasms. It makes you profoundly unattractive. I also don't know what's going through this other person's mind responding to you or telling you about her new relationship in such detail. Neither of you respect each other at all and that might have been the cracks that developed in that relationship. I just don't sense any boundaries in place or respect for each others' person. You may be fond of each other but you've gotten loose and stupid around each other also. The reason why she lost her feelings for you is because you didn't treat her like a lady(this is just my opinion). And you're still doing the same thing even after your break up.

    I don't feel like you've grown up, OP. I'm sorry to say this. Between your whatsapp photo updates and multiple women in seven weeks plus moving plus your work plus hitting up your ex, I have no idea what you are about. You seem more like a kid brother than a man I would date. I understand you're hurting. Just take a step back and don't scatter yourself like that. Be more focused and think first before you act or speak. Move with some purpose and let this ex go.

  12. #19
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    Originally Posted by dabugen2k19
    Now my question: how do I go from here while keeping in mind that I want to get her back? would that be a good idea anyway in order to push her even more into my direction from here on? Any other ideas about the best strategy? I am still working on myself and also just met another girl yesterday once more and will be dating her, thats for sure. Still, I want to pursue on my ex as I feel this is where my heart really belongs. Thank you! :-)
    You have already been given some good advice which you seem unhappy with. So I am going to concentrate on your question.

    Let's first list some key facts.

    1. You were together 10 years, and it sounds like things were a bit static, with you as you said "on the computer" a lot of the time.

    2. She gave you some warning in January, asking you to discuss breaking up. What that possibly meant is she was giving you a chance to make some changes before she bailed out.
    It may also mean the new guy was already being lined up and it is not a rebound at all - you got dumped for someone she perceives as better.

    3. She is in a relationship now.

    4. All this contact and chatter with her - particularly if it includes discussing her sexlife with her new boyfriend- has deposited you right in the friendzone.

    5 Look at it from her point of view - I just dumped this exguy, I have a new lover, and exguy is being friendly, and like my male girlfriend - I get the emotional support without having to put up with him.

    You are not winning her back, you are giving her validation, and easing her journey on a new romantic path.

    You don't have a date next week, you have a meet up with a friend. A friend who is seeing someone else. If you end up in bed, she cheated. If that ruins her new relationship she will be angry with you.

    So here is my answer to your question about your best method of reconciling with her.

    A. Get out of the friendzone. Cancel that platonic meet up, tell her you can't be friends with her while she is seeing someone else - or at all, because you still have feelings. If she changes her mind, give you a call.

    B. Do not contact her, and don't respond unless she is single and decides to give you another go. Withdrawing your attention from her is the best way to get hers back - but it takes time. Not 30 days, or 60 or whatever - that is B/S. You have to move on first, otherwise any reconciliation will burn out, so it's indefinite from your point of view.

    C- Keep on working on your self improvement as you have been doing. This is not supposed to be a weapon to get her back, but if you do it for that reason, the good news is it still works. Because, if in time she decides to give you another shot, she gets the improved you and a new and better relationship that just happens to have the two of you in it.

    D - Date other ladies, but you are only a short time out from a long relationship so best not to rebound.

    E. Stop putting stuff on social media for her to see. It's pathetically transparent (sorry). She is sleeping with someone else. He has priority over you. She stops talking when he comes in the door. Block her access. Block her phone.

    F. You need to accept that she does not want to be in your life, or have you in hers, in the way you want. Not now, anyway. That may change down the track, but right now you need to learn to live your life without her presence.

    In time she might come back, but only she can decide to do that. The best way to optimize your chances, if she does, is to disappear off her radar and work on yourself. And extract yourself from the friendzone pronto.

  13. #20
    Note that she said her 'friendship' with him is important. FRIENDSHIP! That's all it is to her now but he's too blind to see that. He seems to think they have a date which they don't. He's put himself in the friendzone and he'll be the one left disappointed at the end.

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