Narcissism????

So me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. I got sexually assaulted in our first month of dating. Lately When we fight he tells me that our fights are all my fault. when we fight he tells me that our fights are all my fault and that I need to fix what I’m doing wrong. He also screams at me and tells me that I’m being a crappy ty girlfriend That I don’t do anything for him even though I do. That I don’t do anything for him even though I do he has also flirt cheated on me four times in the very beginning of our relationship. I love him a lot but I suffer from depression and anxiety and I don’t know what to do. He has also slightly gotten physical with me like when I don’t stop walking away from me he will lightly shove me. I love him a lot and I don’t know what to do. should we just stay together and try to work it out or should we at this point just break up. When we fight he gets really nasty at me and aggressive and he’ll call me names here in there and he never apologizes for anything that he ever says that’s hurtful . He is also super sweet to me at times. He is also super sweet to me at times. We hang out a good majority of the time and we don’t live together. we hang out a good majority of the time and we don’t live together. I don’t know what to do about the whole situation. I don’t know what to do about the whole situation someone please help im so confused!!

And you're choosing to remain in this toxic and emotionally abusive relationship because ..... ?

Please don't say it's cause love him -- you're attached to him, yes, you're emotionally dependent on him, yes, but there is no way on god's green earthy anyone could love a person like this.

Think about if he threw acid in your face (which has actually happened) would you still stay with him after that?

Can't say he a narcissist, but he sounds horrible!!!!

Leave before something very serious happens to you by the hands of him.

I'm so sorry.

I am having a hard time understanding your writing as you keep duplicating sentences... from what I do understand I must ask: does it matter whether he is a narcissist or not? He is not treating you well and it's escalating to physical violence. Ask yourself why you are wiling to accept poor treatment from someone at all... never mind at least half the time. Yes everyone fights and has conflict once in awhile however we don't have to accept being told there is something wrong with us, that it's all our fault, and having someone shove us because we aren't accommodating whatever needs they have manufactured in their head and not told us about.

Doesn't seem like a narcissist to me. He just doesn't like you or thinks you're too needy. The reason I say this is because you're quick to point out his flaws and even psychologically class him but yet you say you're "confused". Obviously he's filling a void for you that you can't deny(or you need him for something).

I'd say see a therapist. Do it for you. Move forward.

Give it any label that makes you feel better, but this is a toxic abusive relationship.

You need to ask yourself why you don't believe you deserve to be treated better.

He's not a narcissist but he's good at gaslighting you. Google the word "gaslight." It's psychological warfare at its finest by deflecting, changing the subject and forcing you to believe you're the crazy one, not him. I've heard it all my life. It's manipulating the conversation and it is a mentally sick maneuver. It's the oldest trick in the book.

You deserve to be treated with respect. Get rid of your boyfriend. He's a bad apple.

Who cares if he's super sweet at times? He has a Jekkyl 'n Hyde personality.

Dissolve and exit this farce of a relationship.

Please don't say it's cause love him -- you're attached to him, yes, you're emotionally dependent on him, yes, but there is no way on god's green earthy anyone could love a person like this.

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It’s common sense hundreds of thousands of abused invividuals do love people like this.

This statement is alienating and a bit condescending

Give it any label that makes you feel better, but this is a toxic abusive relationship.

You need to ask yourself why you don't believe you deserve to be treated better.

This.

Agree with some of what Rose said as well. He is abusing you, it’s seems you see that quite clearly. The disconnect seems to be through your frustration you’re painting a very bad situation that you don’t see.

Abuse starts slow and if he’s hitting you, no you shouldn’t try to make things work

It’s common sense hundreds of thousands of abused invividuals do love people like this.

 

This statement is alienating and a bit condescending

Believing you love a person like this or loving them doesn't make it right, healthy or functional though, it only keeps her stuck there, in that toxic abusive place with him.

My post was an attempt to get her to understand that, and hopefully leave.

I was and am actually very concerned for her safety, as others are.

I certainly did not mean it to be alienating or condescending and apology to OP if that is how she interpreted it.

He is verbally and physically abusive . What exactly do you love about him? Do your friends and family know how he treats you?

Don't know where you get that he is a "narcissist?" He is simply an abusive azzhole, who likes to tear you down and push you around. Don't understand why YOU would chose this!

Believing you love a person like this or loving them doesn't make it right, healthy or functional though, it only keeps her stuck there, in that toxic abusive place with him.

 

My post was an attempt to get her to understand that, and hopefully leave.

 

I was and am actually very concerned for her safety, as others are.

 

I certainly did not mean it to be alienating or condescending and apology to OP if that is how she interpreted it.

You were not condescending. At all!

Believing you love a person like this or loving them doesn't make it right, healthy or functional though, it only keeps her stuck there, in that toxic abusive place with him.

 

My post was an attempt to get her to understand that, and hopefully leave.

 

I was and am actually very concerned for her safety, as others are.

 

I certainly did not mean it to be alienating or condescending and apology to OP if that is how she interpreted it.

I can’t speak for the poster but I took offense to it.

I don’t think abusers sucker punch people on the first date.

Abuse isn’t a lifetime movie, it’s not black and white nor is it linear. The OPer states they get along, when it’s good it’s good, but their arguments are bad, when it’s bad it’s bad. Often times that’s how absuive relationships are intense passionate dysfunctional.

Bad enough that it has the potential to become dangerous and she should leave because the dynamic isn’t a good one. That doesn’t negate their entire relationship, that doesn’t mean her feelings for him are all in her head.

She didn’t tell us he has her chained up in a basement going down and beating her and feeding her fish guts. She said their fights are beginning to cross boundaries.

It simply means they are not good together and his behavior is not healthy or safe. No need for extremes. It doesn’t get through. If it did Mandee would have left her boyfriend long ago.

I don’t believe you were trying to be condescending but what you said would be the equivalent of me seeing an addict and turning to his partner and saying ‘you never loved him, there’s no way on Gods green earth you could love someone like this.’

OPer, if you need help with resources or just need to talk to someone you can DM me.

This board is AMAZING and honestly I have learned a lot from Kat she gives excellent advice.

I think though many give advice based on an idea of what abuse is and again it’s often black and white extremes which isn’t really what you see in your day to day is it? sure he shoves you but not too rough, sure he yells but you yell too, and you get along, except when you don’t, when it’s bad, it’s bad. Based on your post, I think that’s where you are, you know somethings not right, you know your interactions aren’t normal but you aren’t sure what it is.

Not a healthy situation.

What’s going to be best for the both of you is to disengage. Doesn’t mean you’re a victim or a battered woman you recognized the red flags and you’re asking advice about it. Good for you.

After this I would take some time to reflect on all this, if you think it’s necessary maybe see a counselor.

Sorry for the derailment. I wish you luck OP.

No. Get out now. This man is abusing you both mentally and physically. You are suffering from depression because of him. Leave now. Run from the hills, get as far away from him as you can.

I'll just say that the best couples only have a handful of disagreements a year and talk most things out. So, it's not the best relationship. How often do you fight? He obviously has a short temper or his love level has dropped for you. Was he like this from the beginning?

A personality diagnoses won't do you any good. He's abusive, leave him.