Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 10 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 97

Thread: Wife says we will never have sex again

  1. #41
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    Trust me I have tried everything. It feels horrible because everything has failed. I am tired of trying because I feel like a loser and inadequate when it fails and I get mad at her too. She is just not into it no matter what I do. It feels like in her mind she is doing me some big favor. Like I am a charity case even though I do my absolute best to be a good husband and dad for my kids. My kids think I am a great dad. I feel that she doesnt deserve me trying anymore but some days I still try. I feel some resentment and negativity for sex now too but I dont want to give in because I dont feel like marriage without intimacy would be good so I cant totally give up.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,381
    I think you need to sit down with her and ask one last time if she is willing to have penetrative sex (only if she actually wants to and would enjoy it).
    Or if she would like to do oral.

    If she flat out refuses both then you need to have a talk with her on an open marriage.

    If she cannot and will not engage in sex with you, then you need to accept that and stop asking, or forcing or guilting her into it.

    But that does not mean your needs as a man stops. Which is why you need to talk to her about receiving your needs elsewhere.

    Neither of you should suffer it out and if she finds your solution disgusting or again, flat out refuses, then I think it's time to consider going your separate ways.

    That is unless you're fine with masturbating on your own.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    1,905
    Gender
    Female
    So sorry, Essian.

    A healthy marriage includes physical expression of that intimacy.

    I am sad for you and sad for your wife.

    There could be many causes to your situation - (sexual orientation, past trauma, hormonal imbalance, cultural upbringing, physical anomalies, post-partum depression, emotional connection in your marriage, etc). I know others have offered their opinions. But your situation calls for professional help if you want your marriage to survive.

    I know you don't have time or money, but this is a way more complex situation than what can be solved by Internet advice. You and your wife need to go to her doctor first, to rule out a medical issue (hormonal problem, post-partum depression, or brain abnormality?).

    Next, the two of you need to consult a highly skilled sex therapist - preferably an MD. You say she won't go? Then you go, and get their advice.

    Here is the name of a book that is well respected in the field:
    Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch, PhD. It describes situations very similar to yours. It also asserts that your sex life difficulties mirror your relationship difficulties. It offers ways to work through the most difficult situations.

    Another resource for you- the Our Whole Lives program, which has an amazing class for adults to go through to learn about healthy relationship and sexual practices

    I truly hope things work out for you. You and your wife deserve a loving, healthy emotional and physical relationship.

  4. #44
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    She won’t say yes to sex because she says it hurts too much. She will say yes to me rubbing my thing on her but she says that she is willing to fake that because she understands I must let it out and it is part of marriage. I will take that over abandoning my family.

  5.  

  6. #45
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,123
    Gender
    Female
    After reading through a good bit of the thread, I would like to say that it sounds like she either has experienced sexual trauma that adversely affected her view of sex or she is and has always been asexual. My bet is on asexuality.

    Some asexual individuals do not experience romantic connections but others do, and it sounds like your wife loves you. What you've described is a lifelong history of her simply being uninterested in sex. Her discomfort and lack of understanding of sexuality extends to her even rejecting the physical sex characteristics of her body. Of course, my opinion is just speculation that I cannot confirm, but I am a believer that asexuality is not something to be "cured".

    That being said, you need to decide moving forward whether her lack of sexual interest can be tolerated. It would be very painful to end your marriage or attempt an open marriage, most likely, but if the current situation breeds resentment, discontent, and temptation for others, those two options may start to seem reasonable.

    For what it's worth, it does not sound like she's cheating on you. I did not read of any secretive behaviors, accusations, unexplained bills, etc. that would suggest infidelity.

    Edit: I agree with the above poster to try the medical route, but I recall you posting earlier in the thread that she is totally unwilling to do so. Since you cannot force her, this may also be something you have to radically accept.

  7. #46
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    Thank you I will try some of those resources on my own somehow.

  8. #47
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    1,905
    Gender
    Female
    Our While Lives information:

    [Register to see the link]

  9. #48
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    1,905
    Gender
    Female

  10. #49
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,381
    My bet is on asexuality
    Asexual is definitely a possibility.

    [Register to see the link]

  11. #50
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    Yeah another great advice. I think what happened is that she was asexual but with me she got into it a bit and could have turned it into a loving intimate life. Then with the pregnancy hormones it hurt and never went away. She pushed it for me but didn’t communicate and it became very negative. I saw this as a rejection of me and got frustrated which made sex and kissing even more negative for her. Now she hates everything intimate except hugging. She said she will keep me for life. I won’t lose her either but I can’t help but feel frustrated because this is not how it should be. This is so stupid because we could be so happy. I never heard of anyone like this before. Maybe it is nothing personal she is just asexual but it does feel like a rejection of me. Maybe if I was a different person... Supposedly sex was the same way for her mother and her parents fought about it a lot and this is how she got introduced to sex. It will be hard to stop this frustration inside of me and I want to keep trying and it doesn’t feel like our relationship will be as great as it could been. We fight through all the hard day at work and chores and mess it up on the easy intimate reward on the end of the week. Better then losing her completely and I do have a wonderful family.
    Last edited by Essian; 04-04-2019 at 10:25 PM. Reason: More information

Page 5 of 10 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •