Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 10 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 97

Thread: Wife says we will never have sex again

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69

    Wife says we will never have sex again

    My wife and I have been married 11 years and had a great marriage for most of the time. We love each other and are raising two kids very well. We both work hard for our family and each other. Gradually she said and got worse with the mindset that she never wants to have sex and she hates it. She wants to keep the relationship but we should never have sex. In the past she wasn’t wet enough and it hurt and now she never wants to have sex due to negative conditioning and thinks this is perfectly fine. I told her that we can have sex without me going inside because it hurts but she doesn’t want that either. She said she hates kissing me too and pulls away because my mouth is too wet. She does like to hug though. I said I won’t go inside so it won’t hurt and she says she still hates it and fakes it. She said we will never have sex and things will be fine. She wants a relationship one hundred percent without sex or kissing. I don’t agree with this, I am not huge into sex but I want it once a week. I think it is not natural to never do it. She is not a sibling or co worker, she is a wife, we are a married couple. I feel totally rejected, humiliated and demasculized over this. I feel lots of resentment because it feel like a bad rejection. I don’t understand why even if we sex around but I don’t go inside it is so bad that we have to risk our relationship and therefore our kids for an activity that should bring joy to human couples. I fear that this will continue to destroy our relationship.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    I'd almost guarantee there is someone else in the picture.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Age
    38
    Posts
    214
    Gender
    Female
    Essian, I am sorry you are going through this. Your wife may be suffering from a real medical condition.

    Your reaction is normal, as you may not understand what is really going on. I believe you two need to see a doctor and go from there. But be aware that she may refuse. It is not easy to let a stranger into your intimate life, maybe get advice from a professional first before you bring it up with her.

    Best of luck

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    She swears there isnt and she is generally an honest person. After work we are always together unless something is going on at work like a crush and flirting.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    She doesnt want a medical solution to this. She did once and they gave her a cream but she refuses to try it.
    Last edited by Essian; 04-04-2019 at 04:28 PM. Reason: More information

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Age
    38
    Posts
    214
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Essian
    She doesnt want a medical solution to this. She did once and they gave her a cream but she refuses to try it.
    My comment was more directed to see a specialist, her situation may be also psychological. When we go see a doctor because we are in pain and they give us medication but doesn't work, we either go back or find another doctor who can cure us, and she is not willing to do that.

    I don't know your culture or religion or if that would have to do anything with her problem, but was your sex life before better?

    Also, if you are not here to find some kind of solution for her but to find answers on how to deal with the situation, then I suggest you seek psychological help yourself
    Last edited by Afireblue; 04-04-2019 at 04:40 PM. Reason: spelling

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,949
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry you're going through this.

    It sounds to meand correct me if I'm wrongthat you guys have never quite gelled intimately? That, even at its best, something was a bit off? When you first met, in those early days when many of us are wild rabbits with new peoplewell, were you guys like that? Or was it a bit more mutedthe pain, the dryness, etc.? Is there a period in your marriage where you can say your sexual compatibility was 100 percent?

    In my experiencein my own life, observing the lives of otherssex is one of these things that we all awaken to in different ways, at different points in our life. We get past the guilt, the shame, and the physical discomfort, and enjoy it. For some it's early, natural, maybe even discovered in privacy, though masturbation. For others it's a certain partner, after which we're able to be more free, more frisky, with whomever comes next.

    It almost sounds like your wife has never had that, that sex is something she's been closed off to most of her life, given that she is now proposing a sexless marriage. Or perhaps she's just not very sexual, even asexual, or has some past trauma that she has not dealt with. Do you know anything about her history before you? Anything about whether or not she finds joy in pleasuring herself? Sensitive questions, I know, but, well, this is a sensitive topic and just trying to get an understanding of your dynamic.

    Really hard to say where to go from here, given her attitude. Has she ever been in therapy? Have you?

    (And Nickel? I brought this up in another thread, but I'd really challenge you to not assume everyone is being cheated on or on the cusp of being cheated on, just because this is something you've been through and are dealing with. I know you mean well, but I think you could check yourself a bitfor the sake of others, and even your own healing. Maybe ask some questions before lofting what is the single most painful assumption on the lives of others.)

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,229
    This would be a deal breaker for me... what you are talking about is more of a friendship than a marriage. Which is great but would you be satisfied being in a relationship without physical intimacy? I know I definitely wouldn't be.

    Unless she decides she is willing to work on this with you... maybe you need to have an honest conversation with her and talk about splitting up and being very good friends instead. Even though you have been together a long time, there is no need to give up something so important to you for the sake of staying in an unhappy marriage.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    She never played with herself before meeting me and I found that a bit strange. We had a great sex life for three years. Then due to pregnancy pain started. It hurt but she continued on faking it but having no attraction. I realized it hurt her so we stopped. I thought easy answer was I don’t go in and we just rub together on the outside. Didn’t work. She hates kissing, being naked everything but hugging.

    We are christians. I am Hungarian and she is English. We have no time or money for psychological help as we have two still smaller kids

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    69
    I dont think she gets the purpose of sex. She is a practical person. She got into it very much when we were making our kids and now she thinks there is no need for it.

    I do love her and she loves me. We have two wonderful kids. I dont have a future without her and we both promise that we will stay together for life despite this. I am understanding her wishes to a point with this even fine with not going inside but I think she is being extreme and unreasonable here. She should fine a positive associate with sex without me going inside eventually. I dont want to break this up for the kids and all of us.
    Last edited by Essian; 04-04-2019 at 05:14 PM. Reason: More information

Page 1 of 10 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •