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Thread: Need help!!

  1. #21
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    One more month into this. I dont see any progress but its getting worse. Many misunderstandings. Fights overtaking discussions. Arguments everyday. No signs of liking each other. I feel so bad and hurt. I feel suicidal :(

  2. #22
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sumithra
    One more month into this. I dont see any progress but its getting worse. Many misunderstandings. Fights overtaking discussions. Arguments everyday. No signs of liking each other. I feel so bad and hurt. I feel suicidal :(
    I'm not sure what kind of advice we can give you here, as you say you can't/won't tell your parents, and you haven't mentioned if you can get an annulment/divorce in your culture. Can you two go for marriage counselling? If not, then I have no idea what else can be done.

  3. #23
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    Dear all. Thank you for responding for my previous posts. After six months of marriage, still being unconsummated, i have finally found something. I always felt he is a reserved kind of person and doenst know how to behave with girls. But i was wrong. He is quite comfortable with girls. Infact he had been so very nice and playful with girls. My husband has always been conscious about his phone all these days. On a suspicion note, I was able to check his laptop . He was crazily in love with a girl from 2009. His old FB msgs were of 'lovers' conversations. He has been in contact with her as a friend now. After our engagement also he has feeling for her as per the phone msgs that i have seen. He wanted to go on a trip with her. He said he loved her etc etc. I felt heart broken. Basically i felt he married me with a stuck mind and not moving on, although he denied it. I have confronted him and he told me that he loved her but she never reciprocated his feelings. They had gone on trips been in single rooms etc. It was past i understand. But i asked him to not be in contact with her from now for which he replied that it was all past and she is a very good friend of him now, he cannot stop being friend with her. After looping my family member in a call and after a long argument he accepted he would block her from all social contacts. Now, with this thing in my mind, i am scared how the rest of our life would be. He stilllllll blames ME for my childish, sensitive,emotional behavior that he doesnt get love and affection on me.What do i do? Serious suggestions are required. I feel really depressed. I married this guy with lots of hope and i see this no where going. I promised him that I would behave myself and not get carried away for small things. But want to forget what all has happened. HELP ME people ;(

  4. #24
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sumithra
    D
    He was crazily in love with a girl from 2009. His old FB msgs were of 'lovers' conversations. He has been in contact with her as a friend now. After our engagement also he has feeling for her as per the phone msgs that i have seen. He wanted to go on a trip with her. He said he loved her etc etc. I felt heart broken.

    He stilllllll blames ME for my childish, sensitive,emotional behavior that he doesnt get love and affection on me.What do i do? Serious suggestions are required. I feel really depressed. I married this guy with lots of hope and i see this no where going. I promised him that I would behave myself and not get carried away for small things. But want to forget what all has happened. HELP ME people ;(

    Aside from his feelings for another woman . .and that in itself would be the deal breaker here, what seems to be worse is you are being punished for feeling the disappointment that you are very much entitled too.

    I promised him that I would behave myself and not get carried away for small things. < is the saddest comment here.

    My sense is he can use this as an excuse to continue to distance himself.
    As if your legitimate reaction to this now is what keeps him from engaging you. There is no winning for you.
    Have you shared any of this with your family?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Aside from his feelings for another woman . .and that in itself would be the deal breaker here, what seems to be worse is you are being punished for feeling the disappointment that you are very much entitled too.

    I promised him that I would behave myself and not get carried away for small things. < is the saddest comment here.

    My sense is he can use this as an excuse to continue to distance himself.
    As if your legitimate reaction to this now is what keeps him from engaging you. There is no winning for you.
    Have you shared any of this with your family?


    Shared to my sisters (younger and en elder). They suggest me to give time and try to forget this stuff as it was past. They asked me to keep smiling and create joyful and lively environment so that he'll change by putting MY efforts.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sumithra
    Shared to my sisters (younger and en elder). They suggest me to give time and try to forget this stuff as it was past. They asked me to keep smiling and create joyful and lively environment so that he'll change by putting MY efforts.
    I have very little understanding of your culture. Can you leave someone or divorce them if your marriage is unconsummated?

  8. #27
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    Are you supposed to stay married no matter what? Is the wife supposed to "serve" the husband?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Are you supposed to stay married no matter what? Is the wife supposed to "serve" the husband?
    Then what you suggest I can do? He clearly says he hasnt any feelings for the girl but its only my personality that he doesnt like and may be takes times to get affection. Its a gradual this he says. But i am so hurt for whatever has happened. I completely have zero idea of what i can do. I am blank and lost :(

  10. #29
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    I am unfamiliar with the protocol for arranged marriages. Did both your families make the agreement? What are the terms of the agreement? Is love ever a factor or is it normally strictly business?

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I am unfamiliar with the protocol for arranged marriages. Did both your families make the agreement? What are the terms of the agreement? Is love ever a factor or is it normally strictly business?
    Love happens only after marriage in arranged marriage. But i was never able to express in my case nor i was given or shown affection completely.

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