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Thread: Need help!!

  1. #11
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    My goodness, I don't know much about arranged marriages, but I think you need to find the courage to talk to your family.

    This doesn't sound like a good situation for either one of you tbh. Neither of you sound happy or even content!

    I mean it doesn't even seem like you're friends let alone marriage partners. In fact it doesn't even seem like you like each other! And it doesn't appear likely it's going to get better either.

    Talk to your family, tell them what you've told us.

    Is there a way for an arranged marriage to be annulled?

    As I said, I don't know much about them but that would seem like the best thing for both of you.

    I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine what you must be feeling.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-04-2019 at 04:09 PM.

  2. #12
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    Are you certain he's straight?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure that annulling an arranged marriage will bring shame on the family & the bride.

    Im so sorry this is happening to you

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Did he want this marriage?
    It almost seems like he resents you already ?
    I was thinking the same thing. This sounds like a man who did NOT want to get married at all and shows zero interest in making it work. OP, I'm sorry to say but I think you're fighting a losing battle here. I highly doubt he'll change in any way and what you have right now, is what you get - a very disinterested man.

    I don't know how arranged marriages work and the all the rules that go with it, or even if annulment/divorce is allowed etc, but if it is, I would cut my losses - I think being single is far more preferable than living a sad, lonely, miserable life. I wish you well.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he gay or sexually involved with a lover? Your marriage is a sham. Tell your parents. Perhaps they can help you get out of it. Do they have to pay is family anything to get the marriage undone or a divorce. He is not going to change and there is nothing you can do to fix this unless you tell your parents he won't consummate your marriage and the marriage is fake.
    Originally Posted by sumithra
    I have been married for 4 months by now and we did not consummate our marriage. Its an arranged marriage.

    Back home my family thinks all is good but I am not able to share my feelings with them.

  7. #16
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    I did ask him if he was actually ok with this proposal or happy to get married.. he said he had no issues and this wedding happened with his consent. He is a good guy and cares when he isnst beside me. However when he is with me I dont even feel his presence. He doesnt care if i am down. He doesnt care if i cry. He doesnt ask me if am ok. I feel miserable. I dont want to regret this decision of my life but everyday due to the negativity that I am surrounded with gives me one more chance of an unhappy feeling. i am sure he must be feeling the same as i am cold at times because of our differences. at the end i just want an emotional connection between us that binds for the rest of our lives. i dont know if i am foolish thinking so :(

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I was thinking the same thing. This sounds like a man who did NOT want to get married at all and shows zero interest in making it work. OP, I'm sorry to say but I think you're fighting a losing battle here. I highly doubt he'll change in any way and what you have right now, is what you get - a very disinterested man.

    I don't know how arranged marriages work and the all the rules that go with it, or even if annulment/divorce is allowed etc, but if it is, I would cut my losses - I think being single is far more preferable than living a sad, lonely, miserable life. I wish you well.
    I did ask him if he was actually ok with this proposal or happy to get married.. he said he had no issues and this wedding happened with his consent. He is a good guy and cares when he isnst beside me. However when he is with me I dont even feel his presence. He doesnt care if i am down. He doesnt care if i cry. He doesnt ask me if am ok. I feel miserable. I dont want to regret this decision of my life but everyday due to the negativity that I am surrounded with gives me one more chance of an unhappy feeling. i am sure he must be feeling the same as i am cold at times because of our differences. at the end i just want an emotional connection between us that binds for the rest of our lives. i dont know if i am foolish thinking so :(

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is he gay or sexually involved with a lover? Your marriage is a sham. Tell your parents. Perhaps they can help you get out of it. Do they have to pay is family anything to get the marriage undone or a divorce. He is not going to change and there is nothing you can do to fix this unless you tell your parents he won't consummate your marriage and the marriage is fake.
    I asked him. He says he never had a girlfriend nor did he look forward for one before as he believed so much in arranged marriage that he respected the fact and culture bound to it. I cannot tell my parents. They would be shattered ;( I cant even imagine the consequences.

  10. #19
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sumithra
    He is a good guy and cares when he isnst beside me. However when he is with me I dont even feel his presence. He doesnt care if i am down. He doesnt care if i cry. He doesnt ask me if am ok. I feel miserable. I dont want to regret this decision of my life but everyday due to the negativity that I am surrounded with gives me one more chance of an unhappy feeling. i am sure he must be feeling the same as i am cold at times because of our differences. at the end i just want an emotional connection between us that binds for the rest of our lives. i dont know if i am foolish thinking so :(
    You are not foolish for thinking so. You are not foolish for wanting an emotional connection with your husband, even if at the most basic level. That said, when reading the above, I think you are going to need to face reality and recognise that you will NOT get it with this man. Once you face that reality, it will be time for you to decide what you are going to do about it. I don't know how it works in your culture, but if there is marriage counselling, then try that for a start. If not, is there annulment? Divorce?

    As for your parents: You cannot live your life through your parents. This is YOUR life. YOUR future. They are not in your shoes, living an absolutely miserable, sad and lonely life with a man who is totally disinterested and doesn't even care about you in the smallest way.

    Do what is right for YOUR life and your future. If you feel you can live like this for the rest of your life, well then, that's a choice you make and you live with it. No-one can help you. Hopefully you'll get out of this sham of a "marriage" and be able to have a second chance at life and live a happier life.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop being down, complaining, crying, pouting expecting mind reading, being cold and unfeeling, etc. He's not a psychiatrist. Your parents forced this marriage on you. He did not, stop blaming him and punishing him with your attitude and coldness. Your misery is because of your parents forcing you to marry yet you are blaming him, why? Are you both virgins?

    You are the one who refuses to have an emotional connection and just cry, pout, shut him out and basically punish him for your parents choices. You act like a victim. And perhaps you are, but your parents victimized you, not him. He is just doing what is the norm in his culture and dealing with it and accepting the arrangement. You are crying and whining and pouting etc. You refuse to connect to him. You refuse to act like a grown woman. You refuse to be open or honest.
    Originally Posted by sumithra
    I He doesnt care if i am down. He doesnt care if i cry. He doesnt ask me if am ok. I feel miserable. i am cold at times because of our differences. at the end i just want an emotional connection between us that binds for the rest of our lives. i dont know if i am foolish thinking so :(

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