Mothering a manchild

I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment. Last year I finished a long term relationship because we never spent any time together. He was more interested in getting stoned and playibg his xbox than spending time with me. I met a guy online. He wasn't working when I met him but I has my own olace and a job and although he asked for a bit of cash now and then i was happy. Things got serious and I moved to be nearer him. I've been living at his mum's for the oast 5 months and during this time I've seen major cahnges in him and I-m not happy any more. He managed to get a job after a year of being unemployed. His mum bailed him out with his bills and cooked for him. He qyit the job after 3 weeks and his mum said he-s walked out on a lot of jobs. He drinks almost every day and has asked me, his mum and sister for money for beer. He does nothing around the house and constantly expects me to cook. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship. The ex has stopped him seeing his boys because we went out and got quite drunk and he missed meeting up with her to pick the boys up. His mum has said several rimes that I shouldn't have taken him out because he's done this type of thing before. Since quitting his job he stays up in the bedroom playing his playstation all day. There us little to no interaction unless we're arguing about his drinking or general laziness. He has recently started telling me to f@#k off, sometimes calling me a c@#t. I have no where to go and I don't know whats caused the change. Whwn I talk about having a break He says he's happy in the relationship but I can't see what there is to be happy about. He seems depressed but its gettibg to the point where I'm feeling down. I gave up a lot to be with him and he just seems to be treating me like . I don't want to fo back home because it would feel like a huge step back. I have no friends down here and I'm feeling isolated and lonely. I can't talk to him because recentlt he just gets annoyed with me really easily, or at least thats how it seems. I found some facebook posts from his ex from 2015. She was saying how ge cooked meals, ran her baths and basically treated her totally different to how he treats me. He's always been lazy in bed, like ge can't be bothered and now theres no intimacy at all. I don't know whats going on. His mum says hes depressed but i am too. It all seems to be about him. Any opinions on this would be very welcome

run, quickly. Dont ever put up with someone calling you names. There doesnt sound like there is anything appealing about this guy. Why stay?

Moving back home and having your own place seems like a MAJOR step forward to me...not a step back.

Name one good reason why you’d stay..?

You have a job. Save up and move out (if you don't have the means and access to do so already). Pick as few battles as you can until then for the sake of your sanity. Yeah, the guy's a ****ing bum, but if his mom is cool keeping him around, it's not like you get to enter her house and his residence of however many years of his life and nag him into shape. Not really how that works.

This isn't about him. It's about you putting yourself in a crappy situation and staying in it. I'd have a lot more sympathy if you two had actually gone out and rented a place together. But between him not having a job when you met him, having asked you for money, living with mom, etc., you had plenty of warning. You're looking for projects, not partners.

He didn't change, he has always been like that by the sounds of it. He just put on a facade to draw you into a relationship with him. This isn't a relationship though, you are his carer not his GF. Don't stick around and be treated like that.

I met a guy online. He wasn't working when I met him but I has my own olace and a job and although he asked for a bit of cash now and then i was happy.

Do yourself a favor and raise the bar a LOT

People can go through hardship, I get it, but dating someone that has no job and that takes cash from you? come on...

Why oh why did you move from your place.

This guy didn't change, he is showing you who he really is every single day. You and his family are enabling him to continue to be a deadbeat dad and a non productive person all together. Dump his sorry behind and get out of that house YESTERDAY

Looks like you have consistent taste in men -- a pothead that only wants to play video games, and now a man with no job ever who mommy takes care of. At this point, its not shame on them, its shame on you! Have you considered swearing off men for a year and going to counseling to figure out why you think losers are sexy??? Did you learn anything the first time? Move far away from him - concentrate on your job and your healing.

Dont tell me you have nowhere to go. There are women's shelters as the worst scenario but surely you have a friend or family member who can take you in. You absolutely need to get away from that manchild who drinks way too much, is super lazy, and calls you names. Get out of there NOW.

So you left one relationship with an xbox playing stoner for a playstation playing alcoholic? Do you see the similarities here?

I think abit has a point... you are the common denominator here and need to start working on getting some self-awareness about why you are making these choices.

I have no where to go and I don't know whats caused the change. Whwn I talk about having a break He says he's happy in the relationship but I can't see what there is to be happy about. He seems depressed but its gettibg to the point where I'm feeling down. I gave up a lot to be with him and he just seems to be treating me like . I don't want to fo back home because it would feel like a huge step back. I have no friends down here and I'm feeling isolated and lonely.

So you do have somewhere to go, but your ego is getting in the way. Perhaps when you met this guy people cautioned you against moving to be with him? Or against the idea of moving into his mom's place? And now you have to decide whether to eat crow or continue living in this $hitty situation?

One of my favorite sayings is "You can't save your face and your a$$ at the same time" and this seems to be the fork in the road you are at. It's up to you but you can't change him, you can only change you and your situation.

Why not find someone who is working and living on their own, not with mommy. Plus, he's an alcoholic. He is a real prize!

Do you not think you can do any better? Is this why you date losers?

I have spoken to sone friends back home. They've said I can stay with them. Im going back tomorrow

I have spoken to sone friends back home. They've said I can stay with them. Im going back tomorrow

Good for you for making this decision!!! Please have no contact with him during your time of healing, and be kind to yourself. Wish you all the best

Clearly not. I-ve never had high self esteem. I was a care kid and I haven't experienced many positive relationships. I clearly need ro be on my own for a bit and sort my head out. Thank you to everyone thats commented. Might not have been easy to read but the truth often hurts

Clearly not. I-ve never had high self esteem. I was a care kid and I haven't experienced many positive relationships. I clearly need ro be on my own for a bit and sort my head out. Thank you to everyone thats commented. Might not have been easy to read but the truth often hurts

Come back and share your feelings if you need to during this time of mourning. Breaking vicious cycles is not easy, learning to love oneself isn't easy either. Just remember you are not alone . Take care.

Thank you Afireblue. You sound like a decent human being xx

I have spoken to sone friends back home. They've said I can stay with them. Im going back tomorrow

Good for you! Smart move, dont cave in and decide not to leave. You are worth more than you seem to realize.

This isn't the only guy in the world, so why would you put up with him?

I would do some deep soul searching to find out why you'd think "Hm, jobless, lives with Mom, plays video games all day, is a drunk, asks me for money to buy booze, definitely boyfriend material!!"