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Advice needed....


D1mps

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I have a few questions…

 

If like me, You are a feeling, sensitive person.

May i ask how you would react in the following situations?

 

If it took over a week for someone to reach back and acknowledge a heartfelt message where you stated very clearly, that you need them? Would you be upset?

 

And If in this past year or so, you told someone you love them, want them and so you reached for their hand over and over again… Only to have nothing come back,

How would you react and feel?

 

If you shared you were currently fighting a serious health matter and the person you were opening up to, didn't acknowledge it, what would you do?

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Is this a friend, family member, coworker, bf, crush, ex or someone you are dating? Riddles and rhetorical questions won't help you with this. It sounds like you are trying to say whoever this is hurt or disappointed you?

 

Discuss this 'serious health matter' with your doctor and therapist. Most people do not know how to respond to a lot of information, you need to discuss more with your doctor and therapist than whoever this friend, acquaintance, crush, bf, whatever is. Learn boundaries and what kind of information to share and what type of expectations are appropriate for a given situation, setting and person.

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You need to acknowledge that this person does not care about you. Stop trying to reach out and pour your heart out. They clearly didn't know how to respond when you spilled all about your health issues. You put them on the spot with that one. This person is not worth your time though so cut them out of your life.

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We are close friends i guess you could call it.

 

He said to me just recently, that One needs to feel respected, honored, and prioritized in order to open wider.

There also is a factor of what attachment type you are and need in the processes of sharing.

He also said he became a firm believer that while we need to ensure we take care of our needs, there are needs we need fulfilled by those we surround ourselves by and that he learned it is best to speak about and ask for the needs that are important.

That it isn’t about being needy, but about communicating what needs are important to each individual.

 

Sometimes it is just about taking 30 seconds to reply or reach back. When that isn’t done it leaves one to wonder about what you really mean to them if they can’t reply for hours or days or simply don’t reply and “check out”.

Communication imbalance is frustrating indeed.

 

He said all this so naturally im wondering why that rule seems to only apply one way?

 

Thoughts.

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Again, accept that he doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't take a week to respond to a message. Even non close friends don't take that long. The above is just a load of crap that he fed to you and you bought it because of your sensitivities. Don't be bought into it. Wake up and move on.

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In response to the first part of your question, yes I’d be incredibly upset.

 

Second part to me is a bit more grey. Who is this person? Because that changes reactions, family member? Significant other, unrequited love?

 

Based on a persons role in your life. Their reactions and obligations change.

 

Just because I pour my heart to the homeless guy holding a sign doesn’t mean he owes me half his sandwich.

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Sorry just saw this is a ‘friend’ I’m going to guess a man not returning your level of admiration and commitment.

 

sensitive or not you have to be responsible for your happiness and that includes knowing when to walk away from a situation that is leaving us feeling unfulfilled and unwanted.

 

‘Sensitive’ ‘empath’ These are the new buzz words used by people who have self esteem/commitment issues, who don’t want to take ownership. You don’t have to force someone to love you, if they aren’t meeting your needs you deserve to walk away and find someone who does. Your history with ‘narcissists’ is not a surprise if this is how you choose men.

 

Hold yourself accountable. You deserve better.

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People can take more than 30 seconds to reply for various reasons if they are busy and not always glued to their cellphones. It's apparent what you feel for this man is unrequited, so I'd stop reaching out for him and count on his support. Believe what you see and stop trying with him. Take control and walk away from this unrequited love/friendship situation so that you can move on.

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Ok then treat him as a friend, not a bf or therapist. It sounds like he has a busy life and views you as a friend, however you are holding him to the standard of bf. You need more friends than just him to share your time, thoughts feelings, etc with. You also need to find a bf if you want this level of connection/communication.

 

He is not wrong, nor is he hurting you. What is hurting you is expecting a mere friend to be there 24/7 and hold your hand through everything as well as watching your phone to see how long it takes him to respond. If you are not over your last breakup/bf do not transfer any feelings/expectations to this friend. Pull back and confide more in your therapist and other friends.

We are close friends i guess you could call it.

 

 

Communication imbalance is frustrating indeed.

 

He said all this so naturally im wondering why that rule seems to only apply one way?

 

Thoughts.

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I am a very sensitive person... at the same time, I recognize that this sensitivity is not for others to manage, it's for me to deal with. There are times I get insecure and needy and it's my responsibility to ensure that I am fulfilling my needs so I don't project that onto others.

 

Now that that's out of the way, here is my feedback on your questions.

 

If it took over a week for someone to reach back and acknowledge a heartfelt message where you stated very clearly, that you need them? Would you be upset?

 

If I were the one that sent the message I would feel hurt and upset yes... however if I truly need someone in my life that badly, I pick up the phone and call them vs. sending them a text message. I have some amazing and supportive friends that do not communicate well via text message and I accept this and find other ways of communicating with them that work better.

 

I have had many friends that do as you describe... and I always tell them, if you really need me please call me as texting doesn't convey the same sense of urgency and I often miss texts.

 

And If in this past year or so, you told someone you love them, want them and so you reached for their hand over and over again… Only to have nothing come back,

How would you react and feel?

 

Why have you continued to pursue someone that clearly isn't interested in reciprocating your feelings towards them? For me, if a person doesn't reciprocate my feelings towards them I lose my desire to invest in making it work.

 

If you shared you were currently fighting a serious health matter and the person you were opening up to, didn't acknowledge it, what would you do?

 

I would gravitate towards people that were willing to be supportive and put this person on the back burner.

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Post #5: not a relationship, close friends

 

Sorry, OP.. just your language makes me want to run in the other direction even if it's into a flaming bush. There's a lot of heavy dependency there, way too much for a friendship of any nature in my mind. Either you are off or your expectations are slightly off or you're filling a void for something else. There's something not quite right about your expectations or apparent in your language. I say this with the utmost respect. Please take care of yourself and don't let people treat you this way. Don't sink so low. You don't need someone to make you feel better. Make yourself feel better every which way.

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Post #5: not a relationship, close friends

 

Sorry, OP.. just your language makes me want to run in the other direction even if it's into a flaming bush. There's a lot of heavy dependency there, way too much for a friendship of any nature in my mind. Either you are off or your expectations are slightly off or you're filling a void for something else. There's something not quite right about your expectations or apparent in your language. I say this with the utmost respect. Please take care of yourself and don't let people treat you this way. Don't sink so low. You don't need someone to make you feel better. Make yourself feel better every which way.

 

 

We are a little more than friends. There have been many romantic moments and talks of starting a relationship and and they actually came from him!! Not me lol.

I used the term "close friend" as we have not engaged in sex. Maybe to say he is my "companion" is better?

 

There's a lot of assumption in peoples responses lol.

Im not clingy, needy, i just noticed the drop in responses and it hurt as on the other side, im very supportive of his work etc. It was a balanced, two way situation until recently. For me personally, it came at a time when being supportive, really mattered.

I would say fighting any illness is a pretty good time to call on friends and family for support, no? or am i delerious as you all claim? Lol

 

All the dialogue about taking time to reply etc., was from him! After i failed to send a text response during a busy day... I think people may have misubderstoid the situation or i didht explain it very well ...

Either way, It is what it is and my needs are not being met.

 

Back to the drawing board!

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We are a little more than friends. There have been many romantic moments and talks of starting a relationship and and they actually came from him!! Not me lol.

I used the term "close friend" as we have not engaged in sex. Maybe to say he is my "companion" is better?

 

There's a lot of assumption in peoples responses lol.

Im not clingy, needy, i just noticed the drop in responses and it hurt as on the other side, im very supportive of his work etc. It was a balanced, two way situation until recently. For me personally, it came at a time when being supportive, really mattered.

I would say fighting any illness is a pretty good time to call on friends and family for support, no? or am i delerious as you all claim? Lol

 

All the dialogue about taking time to reply etc., was from him! After i failed to send a text response during a busy day... I think people may have misubderstoid the situation or i didht explain it very well ...

Either way, It is what it is and my needs are not being met.

 

Back to the drawing board!

 

Now you're turning completely around. You said he was the one who took a week to respond to a text. He was the one who didn't say anything after you professed your health issues to him. Now you're saying YOU were the one that failed to respond. This is really confusing. You need to decided what the truth is here.

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Are you dating or not? Is he your bf or not? This is where all the confusion lies not how soon anyone returns texts.

There have been many romantic moments and talks of starting a relationship. I used the term "close friend" as we have not engaged in sex. Maybe to say he is my "companion" is better? It is what it is and my needs are not being met. Back to the drawing board!
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Yes, I would be upset if it took over a week to receive a reply after my heartfelt message that I needed them.

 

If I told them I loved them, reached out my hand and did nothing back, I'd feel rejected. I would tell him exactly those words regarding rejection, too. I'd feel as if the relationship ran its course already because it's going nowhere. There is no future.

 

If he didn't care about health concerns, then I would exit the relationship pronto.

 

Stop putting up with all his crap. Get out. You deserve to be treated with respect and as if you matter. There are so many fish in the sea. The problem is most of them stink unless you're patient enough to wait for a gem.

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Ill try to clarify...

 

I took some time to reply back to a text a few weeks ago and thats when he sent the dialogue about how this made a person feel. (unimportant, questioning what they mean, not prioritised etc),

I agreed but said sometimes all is not what it seems and sometimes a person can be tied up with something, or may not know how to respond if they are uncertain of feelings. He agreed.

 

We exchanged more after that point and then after i shared my health situation in trust, nothing came back.

Could be playing for tat? Who knows...

 

I am inclined to agree with the other poster in that the real issue here is the blurred line between what we are to each other. Friends or more. I have asked clarification on this a few times, but he goes quiet and doesnt respond.

He often is cryptic and not straight forward about his feelings and it is very frustrating for me and causing confusion of the status of our connection to the point where i cant even answer what we are right now.

 

All i know is this is not meeting my needs and i feel wanted one minute, then rejected the next.

 

Im sure the solution is there, or else i should probably look elsewhere for the kind of man i want once my health issue is resolved.

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Its not that black and white, poster lol.

He flirts, he does and says things that indicate we are more,than friends... he just doesnt say it.

He doesnt want me to date other people etc. Thats been made clear... But yes! Why treat him like a bf if he wont agree thats what he is, or only in hinting at it when it suits.

 

Yes, i get the point :)

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Ill try to clarify...

 

I took some time to reply back to a text a few weeks ago and thats when he sent the dialogue about how this made a person feel. (unimportant, questioning what they mean, not prioritised etc),

I agreed but said sometimes all is not what it seems and sometimes a person can be tied up with something, or may not know how to respond if they are uncertain of feelings. He agreed.

 

We exchanged more after that point and then after i shared my health situation in trust, nothing came back.

Could be playing for tat? Who knows...

 

I am inclined to agree with the other poster in that the real issue here is the blurred line between what we are to each other. Friends or more. I have asked clarification on this a few times, but he goes quiet and doesnt respond.

He often is cryptic and not straight forward about his feelings and it is very frustrating for me and causing confusion of the status of our connection to the point where i cant even answer what we are right now.

 

All i know is this is not meeting my needs and i feel wanted one minute, then rejected the next.

 

Im sure the solution is there, or else i should probably look elsewhere for the kind of man i want once my health issue is resolved.

 

He's not a clear communicator which is problematic. Relationships fail whenever communication is unclear and when wires get crossed all the time. Or, the person just doesn't get it. They're not on the same wave length as you. You can explain but the feedback you're getting is not the same way your brain is thinking which again is another problem. You'll end up banging your head against the wall because your message simply isn't resonating in his brain.

 

And, I hate it whenever people won't give you a straight answer. Either they play with words, rhetoric, semantics, ignore, don't fully comprehend or all of it. These types of people are complicated, not simple and will forever give you nothing but angst and undue stress. Stay away from those types. Far away.

 

Be with a man who knows how to treat you right.

 

Regarding taking time to reply back, you explained your reason to him. That was your mistake because you made him wait too long. When you drop people off like that, it is considered rude without an immediate explanation why you have difficulty responding. To simply ignore for a few weeks is a long time to ignore. No one likes that. Since your dialogue with him is not going well, reconsider this friendship or relationship. It wasn't meant to be.

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Its not that black and white, poster lol.

He flirts, he does and says things that indicate we are more,than friends... he just doesnt say it.

He doesnt want me to date other people etc. Thats been made clear... But yes! Why treat him like a bf if he wont agree thats what he is, or only in hinting at it when it suits.

 

Yes, i get the point :)

 

He flirts but doesn't give you the respect to be clear whenever he communicates with you which is a problem. He flirts but doesn't say anything. He is confusing. And, he controls you by telling you that he doesn't want you to date other people. I agree, he doesn't take it to the next level by saying he'll be your bf. Dump him!

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Regarding taking time to reply back, you explained your reason to him. That was your mistake because you made him wait too long. When you drop people off like that, it is considered rude without an immediate explanation why you have difficulty responding. To simply ignore for a few weeks is a long time to ignore. No one likes that. Since your dialogue with him is not going well, reconsider this friendship or relationship. It wasn't meant to be.

 

No no, i only made him wait a day when i couldnt reply. It was him that didnt respond for over a week. :)

 

I agree with everything you said here...

Thank you for the insight and fir taking the time to write.

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Regarding taking time to reply back, you explained your reason to him. That was your mistake because you made him wait too long. When you drop people off like that, it is considered rude without an immediate explanation why you have difficulty responding. To simply ignore for a few weeks is a long time to ignore. No one likes that. Since your dialogue with him is not going well, reconsider this friendship or relationship. It wasn't meant to be.

 

No no, i only made him wait a day when i couldnt reply. It was him that didnt respond for over a week. :)

 

I agree with everything you said here...

Thank you for the insight and fir taking the time to write.

 

Ok, got it, thanks. Well, since he didn't reply for over a week, that was very rude. :icon_sad:

 

You deserve a man of high quality character, a man who is humble, uncomplicated, clear and treats you with utmost respect. The rest of the men on this planet will make your life miserable. Become very picky and choosy. You'll thank yourself later for being wise.

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