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Thread: Advice needed....

  1. #1
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    Advice needed....

    I have a few questions…

    If like me, You are a feeling, sensitive person.
    May i ask how you would react in the following situations?

    If it took over a week for someone to reach back and acknowledge a heartfelt message where you stated very clearly, that you need them? Would you be upset?

    And If in this past year or so, you told someone you love them, want them and so you reached for their hand over and over again… Only to have nothing come back,
    How would you react and feel?

    If you shared you were currently fighting a serious health matter and the person you were opening up to, didn't acknowledge it, what would you do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a friend, family member, coworker, bf, crush, ex or someone you are dating? Riddles and rhetorical questions won't help you with this. It sounds like you are trying to say whoever this is hurt or disappointed you?

    Discuss this 'serious health matter' with your doctor and therapist. Most people do not know how to respond to a lot of information, you need to discuss more with your doctor and therapist than whoever this friend, acquaintance, crush, bf, whatever is. Learn boundaries and what kind of information to share and what type of expectations are appropriate for a given situation, setting and person.

  3. #3
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    I would have felt betrayed and cut every tie with him.

    I clearly do not deserve that kind of person, and so do you

  4. #4
    You need to acknowledge that this person does not care about you. Stop trying to reach out and pour your heart out. They clearly didn't know how to respond when you spilled all about your health issues. You put them on the spot with that one. This person is not worth your time though so cut them out of your life.

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  6. #5
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    We are close friends i guess you could call it.

    He said to me just recently, that One needs to feel respected, honored, and prioritized in order to open wider.
    There also is a factor of what attachment type you are and need in the processes of sharing.
    He also said he became a firm believer that while we need to ensure we take care of our needs, there are needs we need fulfilled by those we surround ourselves by and that he learned it is best to speak about and ask for the needs that are important.
    That it isn’t about being needy, but about communicating what needs are important to each individual.

    Sometimes it is just about taking 30 seconds to reply or reach back. When that isn’t done it leaves one to wonder about what you really mean to them if they can’t reply for hours or days or simply don’t reply and “check out”.
    Communication imbalance is frustrating indeed.

    He said all this so naturally im wondering why that rule seems to only apply one way?

    Thoughts.

  7. #6
    Again, accept that he doesn't care about you. If he did, he wouldn't take a week to respond to a message. Even non close friends don't take that long. The above is just a load of crap that he fed to you and you bought it because of your sensitivities. Don't be bought into it. Wake up and move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    In response to the first part of your question, yes I’d be incredibly upset.

    Second part to me is a bit more grey. Who is this person? Because that changes reactions, family member? Significant other, unrequited love?

    Based on a persons role in your life. Their reactions and obligations change.

    Just because I pour my heart to the homeless guy holding a sign doesn’t mean he owes me half his sandwich.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Sorry just saw this is a ‘friend’ I’m going to guess a man not returning your level of admiration and commitment.

    sensitive or not you have to be responsible for your happiness and that includes knowing when to walk away from a situation that is leaving us feeling unfulfilled and unwanted.

    ‘Sensitive’ ‘empath’ These are the new buzz words used by people who have self esteem/commitment issues, who don’t want to take ownership. You don’t have to force someone to love you, if they aren’t meeting your needs you deserve to walk away and find someone who does. Your history with ‘narcissists’ is not a surprise if this is how you choose men.

    Hold yourself accountable. You deserve better.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    People can take more than 30 seconds to reply for various reasons if they are busy and not always glued to their cellphones. It's apparent what you feel for this man is unrequited, so I'd stop reaching out for him and count on his support. Believe what you see and stop trying with him. Take control and walk away from this unrequited love/friendship situation so that you can move on.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok then treat him as a friend, not a bf or therapist. It sounds like he has a busy life and views you as a friend, however you are holding him to the standard of bf. You need more friends than just him to share your time, thoughts feelings, etc with. You also need to find a bf if you want this level of connection/communication.

    He is not wrong, nor is he hurting you. What is hurting you is expecting a mere friend to be there 24/7 and hold your hand through everything as well as watching your phone to see how long it takes him to respond. If you are not over your last breakup/bf do not transfer any feelings/expectations to this friend. Pull back and confide more in your therapist and other friends.
    Originally Posted by D1mps
    We are close friends i guess you could call it.


    Communication imbalance is frustrating indeed.

    He said all this so naturally im wondering why that rule seems to only apply one way?

    Thoughts.

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