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Thread: Girlfriend has been acting distant

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend has been acting distant

    My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years... she always calls, txts and wants to spend time with me..... this past Friday I noticed a shift in her energy.... Saturday came along and she asked me did I want to see a movie. I said yes and proceeded to get ready. I told her to let me know when she was on the way to my house, but she responds by saying that sheís going to hang out with her friend instead. She claimed she didnít have the money to go out.. I told her Iíd pay, but she still decided to hang with her friend and help out with her baby... we didnít talk the rest of Saturday and we barley talked Sunday... to me this is odd... she usually invites me to stay with her Sunday nights, but she didnít reach out at all... should I ask her whatís up, or become distant myself.... clearly something is bothering her.....

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    Open the lines of communication and ask her if there is something on her mind.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Be direct, be open minded, be secure in yourself and

    Ask!

    You will be an effective partner, when you are direct with your communication, and when you communicate your needs.

    Example, I was disappointed that we didn't see each other last weekend. At first I stepped back because I didn't want to ask you out after you asked me to the movies but then changed your mind. Now that time has passed, I would like you to know that i missed being with you, and that I would like to see you. Are you interested in going on a walk this Thursday night after work?

    Practice thinking in terms of " next action steps". It will help you become less passive and more effective.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Talk to her! How do you expect to find out if there is a problem if you dont ask?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't. It really depends on your peace of mind and whether you're there. I'd be just at peace not communicating with such a nitwit. It was irresponsible for her to do what she did or flake out at the last minute. If anything, she owes you an apology and an explanation beyond the lousy one she gave you. If that really was her reason for flaking out, I hardly think she deserves anything from you at all. You do not need to chase after her for answers if you don't want to. I'd simply let it fade, stop returning her calls or texts completely and if she texts/calls you, let it go unanswered for a week or so and then tell her it's over when you feel like it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Be direct, be open minded, be secure in yourself and

    Ask!

    You will be an effective partner, when you are direct with your communication, and when you communicate your needs.

    Example, I was disappointed that we didn't see each other last weekend. At first I stepped back because I didn't want to ask you out after you asked me to the movies but then changed your mind. Now that time has passed, I would like you to know that i missed being with you, and that I would like to see you. Are you interested in going on a walk this Thursday night after work?

    Practice thinking in terms of " next action steps". It will help you become less passive and more effective.
    To Rose's point: Notice my suggestion does not chase her for an explanation. Given your three years together, its worth it to take action to get on her calendar. Going on a walk facilitates conversation.

    If she doesn't bring it up, you can by saying It was unusual and something she wouldn't normally do, and so while you had your own feelings about, you also knew she must have been feeling something in order for her to make a plan and then change her mind. That you may need her to tell you because you want to get it right, you want to understand.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If you think the relationship is worth saving, you need to call her and ask what the problem is. If she gives you vague answers, you probably need to just fade her out of your life.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    How old are you two? The only thing you talk about is all of her efforts toward the relationship, and never once mention yours. One can only guess what her change of behavior is. Did she complain to her friend that she's the only one to reach out to you and it's a one-sided relationship and her friend said, "Yeah. Come hang out with me. Let him know what it feels like to be without you and maybe he'll start making some effort."

    I don't know, because you don't give enough info. Even if you think you're making equal effort, maybe she doesn't think so. In person, have a heart-to-heart discussion and ask what she would like to happen to improve the relationship. Listen. Don't give excuses. If you care, adopt her ideas if they are reasonable. Ask for what you want in return.

    Have you let the relationship get stale? If so, search the internet for innovative ideas on how to add new sparks to the relationship.

    How is the relationship progressing? Any timelines for moving in together or marriage? If you don't even feel comfortable having discussions about the relationship by asking her what's going on, is the relationship on as strong of a foundation as it should be? If not, you have work to do. Take care and let us know how it goes.

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    Iím 29.. sheís 28..... she has been complaining about my effort in the relationship, but I have been trying to do better.... I went to stop by her house to get my medicine I left there..... she changed the locks...... this is crazy

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sixersfan234
    Iím 29.. sheís 28..... she has been complaining about my effort in the relationship, but I have been trying to do better.... I went to stop by her house to get my medicine I left there..... she changed the locks...... this is crazy
    Let it go, bud. She's sending a clear sign. I don't know the exact details of your relationship but she obviously doesn't want to continue any contact with you.

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