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Thread: She went cold suddenly after fantastic first date - very complicated!!

  1. #1
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    She went cold suddenly after fantastic first date - very complicated!!

    Hi guys, ive got a complicated problem that i could really do with some insight with!

    Got talking really nice girl online couple of weeks ago, exchanged few texts & phone calls for about a week, she made a lot of effort to communicate, and would often ring out the blue etc.

    Arranged for our first date for last sat night. However the night before date, she wanted to add me to Facebook, and i noticed we shared a mutual female friend, someone I get one really well with, as does she - they're actully very close freinds in fact. I did think this may have a been an issue but then kinda forgot about it. This mutual friend may also 'possibly' kinda likes me (...a little!), I could be totally wrong tho, as weve been "just freinds" for over four years and neither of us really showed proper signs ofinterest if youknow what i mean.

    Anyway date was awesome, as good as ive had, lots of flirting, teasing joking etc. We also both got quite drunk mind you! But anyway there was lots & lots of touching and we ended up kissing at end of the night as i was walking her back. As dates go it was a 9.5/10!

    She is definitely a fun girl, but she did also say during date she is looking for all the serious things - i.e. marraige, kids eventually etc. So am i to be honest , but wanted it to be a fun date

    I played it very kool during date which i think def help her attraction to me. During the date she mentioned she wanted to meet following day for lunch date, but i kinda had other plans...but i could have easliy cancelled these plans, I wanted to play it kool and not seem too availible - very stupid now in hindsight!

    As we walked back she even said "what do you think about you and me then?" i.e. relationship, so i know she she was def interested in me.

    We exchanged few more texts on sunday. She text me in the morning asked if I had a good time at date, i said yeah in a joking way. Sent her another text sun night asking about how her day was. Ended up sending a reply asking her to send me a pic of her modelling a new dress she'd bought. I may have pushed it with that text perhaps as there was no reply to this text??

    Same night she posted messages on her facebook status that seem to be about her ex/when your missing someone..."Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen each other or the amount of time since you've talked. ...."

    And then yesterday she seemed to vanish from my facebook totally (she either blocked me or disabled her account - i think disabled to be honest...dont ask how i know lol) I should also point out her ex was total control freak, she broke up with him about 2-3 months ago and think im the first guys shes been on a date with since. He continues to hassle her i think.

    I text her again this morning - just asking how shes doing and apologised that ive been too busy to call her last few days (kinda true), and mentioned that i accidently bumped into the mutual friend (which i did, but couldnt speak to her). Theres been no reply to this.

    So i dont know if the sudden loss of interest was due to:
    a) My last text (the dress)? Being too sexual perhaps?
    b) Her regretting flirting heavily/kissing on first date whilst drunk?
    c) The mutual friend not happy with situation (jealosuy?) - i think this is a big factor and would explain sudden change
    d) Mis-intrepeted her seriousness
    e) Or her ex is back on the scene/she is missing her ex?

    There was a lot of attraction - so im very confused, but maybe too much? Obviuosly theres lot of factors goin on, so ehat should i do? I was thinking of speaking to the mutual friend first of all to find out if she has said anything?
    Last edited by highcontrast; 08-02-2011 at 04:10 PM.

  2. #2
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    c) The mutual friend not happy with situation (jealosuy?) - i think this is a big factor and would explain sudden change

    I can tell you one thing - this has got nothing to do with anything. She is not jealous!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member orchidrose's Avatar
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    I'm not sure it really matters why, but she definitely seems to have lost interest. As far as your possibilities:
    a) Not gonna lie, after just one date, this would freak me out a little bit. It definitely could seem sexual.
    b) Doubtful. If I really like a guy I'm not going to disappear after going too far with him on a first date.
    c) Doubtful. You don't even know that the friend likes you and she's never made a move, so how is she going to have enough influence to put a stop to the two of you after one date?
    d) Doubtful.
    e) Sounds fairly likely given her status updates. He may not be back on the scene, but she could've gone on a great date and gotten scared about moving on after her ex.

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    If it was me... I'd think you were a player.

    For one, you played it cool. Maybe some girls like this; I've never understood the mentality myself. If I'm acting really into a guy, and he's being lukewarm, I assume I'm either coming off as desperate, he's not that into me, or he's trying to play a game (aka, increase my attraction by being aloof.)

    Second, you drank and kissed. I know that seems like a good thing on the first date, but with a cooler head, she might have looked back and had suspicions that the date got to alcohol/physical so fast.

    Third, the text about wanting a photo. Oh lordy. That was DEFINITELY pushing it, even if she had been super flirty over text with you previously.

    Here's the thing: smart girls are always on the look out for players. Rather unfortunately for you, since I assume you're not one, you sent up a bunch of flags that identified yourself as one. There's currently a guy that's been interacting with me in similar ways, and forum posters have all said the same thing: RUN, PLAYER. (Rather strangely, my friends have suggested patience to see how it plays out. Maybe my friends are attempting to sabotage me haha.)

    Lastly, the mutual friend may indeed be a deal breaker. Girls can be EXTREMELY territorial... sometimes even when they have no interest in dating you themselves, they still want the OPTION, and they don't like the thought of another girl "winning" what they like to imagine is your unrequited love away from them.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    e) Or her ex is back on the scene/she is missing her ex?
    This would be my guess. It sounds like she may have some unfinished business and/is still in contact with her ex. I'm sorry but, it may be best to let this one go.

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    I'm going to tell you my spin on what I think. (In a nutshell)

    I think this girl does like you. But I don't think she liked your "hard to get" attitude. I think she's used to getting what she wants. I think her asking you on date number 1 - "so what do you think of me and you then?" - she's trying to be in control.

    I think you spun it back the other way, and she realized she might not be able to twist you round her little finger.

    Now she's just playing little games.

    I think she's trouble! lol

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by DylanNotorious
    I'm going to tell you my spin on what I think. (In a nutshell)

    I think this girl does like you. But I don't think she liked your "hard to get" attitude. I think she's used to getting what she wants. I think her asking you on date number 1 - "so what do you think of me and you then?" - she's trying to be in control.

    I think you spun it back the other way, and she realized she might not be able to twist you round her little finger.

    Now she's just playing little games.

    I think she's trouble! lol
    I think it is also unfinished business, but all I can say it let it go because it was one date...

    I had a girl go cold after sleeping with her and her sending mixed signals...I felt I had to back off and told her I was doing so only for her to continue to send mixed signals and then nothing came of it.

    So all I can say is let it go...and move on...yeah it was great...but look at it realistically.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    This would be my guess. It sounds like she may have some unfinished business and/is still in contact with her ex. I'm sorry but, it may be best to let this one go.
    I think it is the ex as well. Sounds like he is back on the scene.

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    Thanks for all the replies! Will come back to them in a moment, but just a quick update - she replied in a very non commital way at the end of the working day (5pm) approx 6 hours later. Basically saying shes ok, and that she also "met up" with the mutual friend on sunday. nothing else, didnt ask how I was doing etc.

    Just out of interest Sunday Evening is when things started to go all wrong, so should i assume the mutual friend has said something in the afternoon?

  11. #10
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    My issue is that even on sunday morning the texts from her sounded very keen from her, and she was initiating the conversations. So i think it was me that messed up somewhere in combination with the other factors such as the friend? And by the evening it went south. I think my "dress" text really didnt help - should i apologise for that?

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