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Thread: Unable to commit? Maybe its still to soon?

  1. #11
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    Hey Bigboss, can you explain how you feel when a woman starts to get too close? Causing you to pull away?

    Do you feel anxiety? Panic, fear re what comes next, that she will start having expectations that you can't or don't want to meet?

    Do you feel suffocated? Turned off?

    All or most of us have been hurt badly, and we're all afraid of getting hurt, but we all don't need to pull away or break up when our partner becomes close.

    We conquer those fears and embrace the closeness, it's a wonderful feeling being close, sharing our lives, but something is scaring you over and above the fear of getting hurt, something deeper imo.

    Did you ever feel this way in your previous long term committed relationships?

    ETA: I don't think you sound superficial. If you appear that way to some, it's to cover up some very deep issues you are struggling with re relationships and commitment.

    Again, jmo, what I'm sensing from your posts.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-02-2019 at 08:05 PM.

  2. #12
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    Hey again, just curious, but did you allow your ex-wife to get close?

    May seem like an odd question but some folks/couples perfer to maintain a certain distance (emotional and sometimes physical) in their relationships/marriages and it works for them cause it's mutual.

    These girls you describe now want to get close, too close, which scares you, do you think if you met a woman who likes to maintain a certain distance, you would feel more comfortable having a relationship with her?

    Apologies for getting heavy, I'm just like that -- I like to dig deep. Lol

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    After seeing the posts you have submitted over the past several months i can see that her betrayal cut pretty deep and you are still unable to let it go so it's hindering your ability to move on. I would say continue with therapy as it seems to be only thing helping.
    Bingo.

    You arenít there yet but you to be so youíre attenpring to become this person putting up a facade, giving this impression:

    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You seem a bit superficial. Just being real here. You go to the pub and the gym a lot, it seems. How do you expect to meet quality 'females'?

    Look at your other interests and see if you can come up with something better. Dating: you only get out of it what you put into it so start having a look more closely at your interests and goals.
    Certainly not a genuine person. Which is the opposite of what youíd need people focused on your looks ba your heart and mind and soul will hurt you, because your relationship has no true foundation.

    Originally Posted by Bigboss29
    hey Miss Canuck, you are spot on, the betrayal still haunts me to this day :-( sometimes I feel its unfair how happy she is while I got tossed aside like an old newspaper but I also need to stop the victim mentality and toss those thoughts aside,

    I have been to therapy, it was good but I feel this is a battle I have to fight....
    This type of battle would be like attempting to fight a virus with orange juice. Trying to work through this by dating is like having a cold and going outside wet and without a jacket on.

  4. #14
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    Iím the same... Iíve met some great women, some have the qualities I seek - everything my ex wasnít... loyalty being one of the biggest things Iím looking for now....

    Yet after a few weeks/months... I bail

    They donít knock my socks off... I feel shallow and hate myself for it. I want to be happy.

    All I think of constantly is my ex and what sheís doing. I donít have enough going on in my life but I think I have depression. I work from home, my friends are never around... zero social life... and I have no real interests or anything I want to accomplish which may help me meet new people

    Iím in a serious rut and donít know how to get out of it. I sit at home all day everyday. All I do to which doesnít help is sit on tinder etc itís so unhealthy

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Some great advice in this thread and I'm not 100% either after around 16 months from the dissolving of my marriage which was extremely traumatic for me...

    So push on Brother. That's all we can do....

    I did pick up on this though...>>
    Originally Posted by Bigboss29
    I know there is no timeline to heal but I'm just a little frustrated that I'm missing out on life...
    Is 'life' in it's entirety all about finding your soulmate, getting married, having 2.5 kids and building a white picket fence....?

    Life is all around you and you're living it my friend....What exactly is it you're 'missing out' on....?

    Regards

    Carus*

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yeah, too raw right now. It will settle down soon and you'll find someone you don't want to pull away from

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