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Thread: How to build a rapport with someone who doesn't seem interested?

  1. #1
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    How to build a rapport with someone who doesn't seem interested?

    I met a girl who, in her bio, has a section titled "complications" which is longer than any other section of her bio. She describes PTSD and others, among her complications. The rest of her bio is golden to me, and she's definitely my type.

    I'm trying to build a rapport with her. I think I can be patient and understanding, but she seems uninterested, and I'm conflicted. Do I put a little pressure on to try and see if the root of her disinterest is fear or stress? What if it is, and putting on the pressure makes her double down? What if the disinterest is real... now I'm just being rude and pushy.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You say "you met a girl" does that mean you actually have been in her company or you "met" her online and have never met in person?
    You say she seems "uninterested." Do you mean in chatting online with you or going out with you.

    Why do you want to "put a little pressure" on someone who is acting "disinterested?" If they aren't showing you the interest you're showing them then don't waste your time.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Just be cordial and gradually build friendship. If that approach doesn't work and if she continues to be disinterested, then there is your answer. She's dealing with her own PTSD issues and most likely doesn't have brain space for you nor anything or anyone else. Don't put pressure because then you'll be perceived as rude, pushy and creepy!

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    We're chatting online. We've never met, but we are within a reasonable distance to actually date.

    Thing is she doesn't seem to mind me, she talks back to me, and replies to my questions, but then stops there. It doesn't feel like she's returning the effort, but it doesn't exactly feel like she wants me gone.

    If she really has social anxiety she may have trouble expressing herself, and may be inadvertently distancing herself. In person this would be obvious to me, but talking online is so distant and emotionless if you don't have that rapport yet.

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  6. #5
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    Honestly, if this young woman puts PTSD or mental illness in a bio for online dating, then she is warning you about herself and also feels that her identity is her illnesses. She doesn't sound like she is ready to date. No, i am not saying people shouldn't find love - there are people who are bipolar who are married, etc., but if they "lead" with their trauma or mental illness - you should steer clear as she feels that this is the biggest aspect of herself.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, if this young woman puts PTSD or mental illness in a bio for online dating, then she is warning you about herself and also feels that her identity is her illnesses. She doesn't sound like she is ready to date. No, i am not saying people shouldn't find love - there are people who are bipolar who are married, etc., but if they "lead" with their trauma or mental illness - you should steer clear as she feels that this is the biggest aspect of herself.
    I definitely understand that. Her profile was tasteful about it, and she definitely prefaced it as a warning. She's open and transparent about it so to me it lends her some credibility as being stable enough to date. She also had a lot more to her profile than the warning, and it definitely doesn't seem to be the root of her personality.

    I have some education in psychology, and family members who suffer from many of the same issues.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grimmlager
    I definitely understand that. Her profile was tasteful about it, and she definitely prefaced it as a warning. She's open and transparent about it so to me it lends her some credibility as being stable enough to date. She also had a lot more to her profile than the warning, and it definitely doesn't seem to be the root of her personality.

    I have some education in psychology, and family members who suffer from many of the same issues.
    Why do you want to chase someone who puts her brokenness on display? Everyone has brokenness, but they shouldnít lead with it.

    Why do you want someone described as above who isnít interested?

    Do you want a project?

    Do you think you deserve someone who isnít broken?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Why do you want to chase someone who puts her brokenness on display? Everyone has brokenness, but they shouldnít lead with it.

    Why do you want someone described as above who isnít interested?

    Do you want a project?

    Do you think you deserve someone who isnít broken?
    Um, yeah, all this.

    Here is a person you don't know, haven't met, who is showing, at best, cursory interest in you while waving red flags on a dating app, as if to say: proceed at your own risk.

    And you're wondering what the right "move" here is?

    Far as I know, it's the same move with anyone on an app who shows cursory interest. You keep swiping until you land on someone who, you know, wants to meet up and see what's what.

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    What is this bio? Is it on a dating app? If that's the case, why not just ask her for coffee or a drink?

    I would be reluctant to attempt a relationship with anyone whose mental health issues seem to dominate to the point she not only publicly shares it in great detail, but also dedicates a majority of space on her bio towards it. It's definitely a huge warning sign. I'm glad she's putting it out there...this is me if you want to give it a try, but it seems like walking straight into the fire. All she needs is that one person to overlook her issues.

    If she's not interested, she's not interested. Maybe she's too nervous or slow to warm up with her issues. It's hard to say which, and if you should continue to pursue. I think asking her if she'd like to meet for a simple date, coffee, drinks, it would very clearly define what her intentions are if she declines. She may pull this "we need to text more first" situation due to her PTSD and other mental health issues, in which case you need to determine for yourself how long you'll text without meeting. No meet, no text. Don't let it drag out for weeks. Give her two weeks, maybe four, and call it a day if she refuses to meet you. If this is not a dating site and you ask her out, at least she'll be clear on your interest, and if she is equally interested, she might engage more if she knows your own intentions.

    Be careful with this one.

  11. #10
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    I'm curious OP, you said she continues to chat with you, how exactly is she showing disinterest?

    Have you asked to meet in person and she declined with a lame excuse, what?

    Or do you expect her to interact with you like other women have, text all day about meaningless crap, over-share their emotions, talk about ex-boyfriends and all their trust issues, etc etc etc? lol

    My advice would be to ask her to meet, something light and gauge her response., and get to know her in person.

    She may dislike chatting on line, which is why it appears she's not making the effort, when in reality she may just want to meet in person and get to know you that way.

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