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Thread: Moving Forward in Relationship

  1. #1
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    Moving Forward in Relationship

    Hi Everyone:

    I would like some honest advise I am stressing about lately. Dating someone for 3 years both of us are 50 and 47 years of age. We have talked about him moving out of his family home which he shares with a brother and sister and helps financially and moving in to a new place with me. See I currently own my home but he is not comfortable being there as he cant call the shots on what goes on plus he pays nothing to stay there ..Now I am willing to sell and rent untill he gets on his feet with a full time job ..he works construction which is great when there is work but unemployment when he is off. He talks about changing careers but always has an excuse. Im a very independent woman and have owned 4 houses and always worked hard to get where I am in life. He seems to think all I care about is money and he cant buy a house with me untill he gets on his feet..well I said okay lets put a timeline of 2 years for you to get your life together and have a future with me ..He gets upset and said i shouldnt pressure him..My questions is Is he just using me and will he ever really commit to buying a house or me selling and renting togetther?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Dawn, I hate to say it, but asking him to move in with you sounds like a formula for disaster.

    At his age, he's not suddenly going to find a lucrative career. And he probably doesn't want to move out of a comfortable situation where he isn't required to pay any rent.

    Are you sure this is the man for you? You're independent, generous, and looking for someone who doesn't make excuses. He doesn't sound like a real catch to me.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Sarah.

    I currently own my home but he is not comfortable being there as he cant call the shots
    You are an independent woman who worked hard to get where you are. Then some guy strolls in your life and feels "uncomfortable" in your house because HE can't call the shots?

    Well, too freaking bad. You built a life for yourself and to ask you to take everything you've worked so hard for all these years and basically give that control to him...to a person who isn't motivated to look for a job...is absolutely a disaster in the making.

    You asked for our honest opinions. Here is mine. 3 years of investment with this guy is a drop in the bucket compared to what can happen if you stay with this clown. You and I are close in age so I am particularly concerned about your situation. There is a better man out there for you -this I am sure of.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't get hustled just because you are lonely.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What is drawing you to this man?

    You're both in completely different orbits.

  7. #6
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    He sounds like a bum.

    Get yourself a man that has their sht together.

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    I donít know the guy so I canít predict his behavior and I can not possible know if he is using you.

    If I were you I would stop worrying about his intentions and what he is really going to do. I would focus on what my feelings are towards him and what I want from this relationship (or from a relationship in general).

    If the person Iím with meets my current needs and wants, I would stay with him and stop worrying about if this or if that. Otherwise Iíd step away and find someone else.

  9. #8
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    It is about money. He has none. Accept it. It's your prerogative not to support him. It's not your prerogative to pressure him to 'get his life together'.

    His motivation is survival. Giving up a free place to live when his work is sporadic may not be a good idea. Also, his brother and sister may rely on his contribution. It also sounds like if he did contribute, he still doesn't get to call the shots. That's not a partnership. That's you having a renter. Regardless, you sound like a poor match. If money is important to you, find someone more your economic equal, or accept the good with the bad. Or maybe he'll find someone less financially demanding.

  10. #9
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    Why is it acceptable for women not to work and have a partner, but when the roles are reversed the man is a bum?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    It is about money. He has none. Accept it. It's your prerogative not to support him. It's not your prerogative to pressure him to 'get his life together'.
    Thinking the same and hoping she didn't use those exact words!

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