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Thread: Boyfriend acting disrespectful when drunk

  1. #1
    Silver Member Ziggy123's Avatar
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    Boyfriend acting disrespectful when drunk

    Hi there

    Just wondering if anyone has experience on how to deal with a partner who sometimes drinks too much and acts disrespectful. Some things that he does is act flirty with other girls in front of me, say hurtful things to me (like telling me to shut the f up) or slamming door on my face when I was just trying to help. He doesnt think he has a problem, and he doesnt always drink, but when he does he gets blackout drunk to the point where he doesnt remember what happened the night before. I have talked to him about how it hurts me several times, but he is continuing to act in the same way and doesnt see how it is hurting me. I love him so much and want this to work out between us. I offered for us to go to counseling together for a session but he said no.

    Thank you kindly

  2. #2
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I would leave the situation when he drinks so as to minimize me exposure to it. Eventually, I would end the relationship altogether.

    It is difficult to build something with someone who is intent on destroying it.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Inappropriate. The most you can do is speak with your actions. Tell him he behaves deplorably when he's drunk, he probably needs some AA help and walk away from this relationship. You do not deserve to be treated this way. If you stay, you're simply saying his behaviour is ok with you.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 04-01-2019 at 11:01 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ziggy123
    I offered for us to go to counseling together for a session but he said no.
    From my seat that sounds like "strike 1" for him.
    How many chances are you going to give him for before things get worse.
    I for one would offer one or two more chances, then it would be ultimatum. "You get help....or I am out"

    It's unlikely his drinking is going to get better, it may get worse. Something to think about...especially when he swears and slams doors. Do you really want his abuse to escalate?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He's got a drinking problem whether he sees it or not. Do you really want a life like that? Drunks make lousy partners and surely you dont want a life time of this kind of crap. I'd leave him if he wont go to AA. He needs help, but only he can make that happen. Unless and until he hits rock bottom he wont change.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    People who abuse alcohol/narcotics should be dealbreakers to anyone who values themselves. Even if he doesn't drink every day, it happens regularly enough for you to be taking the time to ask others for advice. Love is irrelevant when a dealbreaker is present. Tell him you're not willing to live your life with someone who drinks to excess and end the relationship.

    A person won't stop drinking until he comes to that decision on his own and not to appease others, and if he takes that route after you leave, it's best he stay alone for at least a good year before attempting being in a relationship again. Leave him to do what he will and one day you might hear from him that he's achieved years of sobriety and will be a better partner, but don't hold onto that hope. Just think of it as a pleasant surprise if it happens, but you might have moved on by then. Be strong and do what's best for yourself.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    People who abuse alcohol/narcotics should be dealbreakers to anyone who values themselves. Even if he doesn't drink every day, it happens regularly enough for you to be taking the time to ask others for advice. Love is irrelevant when a dealbreaker is present. Tell him you're not willing to live your life with someone who drinks to excess and end the relationship.

    A person won't stop drinking until he comes to that decision on his own and not to appease others, and if he takes that route after you leave, it's best he stay alone for at least a good year before attempting being in a relationship again. Leave him to do what he will and one day you might hear from him that he's achieved years of sobriety and will be a better partner, but don't hold onto that hope. Just think of it as a pleasant surprise if it happens, but you might have moved on by then. Be strong and do what's best for yourself.
    Well said. 100%.

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    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ziggy123
    Hi there

    Just wondering if anyone has experience on how to deal with a partner who sometimes drinks too much and acts disrespectful. Some things that he does is act flirty with other girls in front of me, say hurtful things to me (like telling me to shut the f up) or slamming door on my face when I was just trying to help. He doesnt think he has a problem, and he doesnt always drink, but when he does he gets blackout drunk to the point where he doesnt remember what happened the night before. I have talked to him about how it hurts me several times, but he is continuing to act in the same way and doesnt see how it is hurting me. I love him so much and want this to work out between us. I offered for us to go to counseling together for a session but he said no.

    Thank you kindly
    He not only said no to counseling, he said no to stop drinking, he said no to your relationship, he said no to stop his abusiveness, he said no to stop degrading you from flirting with other women in front of you, he says no to caring about you and how you feel. Give yourself a tough think......he is not BF material, and YOU cannot fix this. The only way you will find happiness, is to breakup with him. Your love is misplaced...he doesn't deserve it.

  10. #9
    Yeah when you have told about his hurtful behavior many times and he still doesn't change, it's time to leave. Do not stay with a man like this. He will likely get violent at some point.

  11. #10
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    If he's not willing to change and you are clear with your intentions if he doesn't, you have to leave him.

    He may change once he realizes what he lost. Then you can decide if you want to give it another chance.

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