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Thread: Angry over husbands relationship with coworker

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by Lester
    It's cheating.

    Don't accept blame for his actions.
    How is running with a colleague cheating? He has shown her all the content of their conversations which show no absolutely no evidence of any cheating. They are training for a marathon so that's all their talk consists of. That's not cheating. OP is simply paranoid.

  2. #12
    Member Glata's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    On the one hand, it kind of looks like he may have an attracted to her, but on the other hand, there is no evidence at all that this is the case. He handed you his phone so he is clearly not hiding anything. They are training for a marathon and that means getting in as many runs as you can. I do think your paranoia may have run away with you a little here purely because he's running with a woman.
    This is what he sent me :

    I was wrong and I apologize to you I should’ve told you, in my mind I just thought you wouldn’t get it and that you would get jealous and it would have started not just a fight but a whole other chapter on how I don’t love you and whatever you would think. So I said screw it its no big deal just going for a run. I was wrong and like I said I am sorry and will never hide from anything like that again....I would NEVER cheat on you and I think you know that deep inside that’s not me. I swear on everything I love you and that NOTHING physical/emotional has occurred it is legit a friendship who are pushing each other for a 1/2 marathon. I love you very much and it hurts me that you are hurting. I know you packed a bag but come home tonight this is where you belong, we can talk and clear the air.

  3. #13
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    I don't like that he called you crazy.

    If he loves you like he says, why would he think that was a loving thing to do?

  4. #14
    Originally Posted by Glata
    This is what he sent me :

    I was wrong and I apologize to you I should’ve told you, in my mind I just thought you wouldn’t get it and that you would get jealous and it would have started not just a fight but a whole other chapter on how I don’t love you and whatever you would think. So I said screw it its no big deal just going for a run. I was wrong and like I said I am sorry and will never hide from anything like that again....I would NEVER cheat on you and I think you know that deep inside that’s not me. I swear on everything I love you and that NOTHING physical/emotional has occurred it is legit a friendship who are pushing each other for a 1/2 marathon. I love you very much and it hurts me that you are hurting. I know you packed a bag but come home tonight this is where you belong, we can talk and clear the air.
    This shows you have deep insecurity issues that have been present in your relationship for a long time, and that's why he didn't tell you who he went running with because he knew you would overreact. And you did because you packed a bag and walked out for god sake. That was an extreme overreaction imo. Maybe you should seek some counselling for your issues.
    Last edited by RayofLighten; 04-01-2019 at 08:43 AM.

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  6. #15
    Also, i don't think he would appreciate you posting his personal messages over the internet for everyone to see.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    His lying was not cool, at all, as lying is never cool.

    That said, I agree with the others who see this as an insecurity issue that has never quite been resolved. Not pointing a finger at you or him, but at a general dynamic that could use some adjusting. One of these low-simmering tension points that are easy enough to ignore, at least until someone makes a friend of the opposite sex.

    Granted, everyone seems to have different boundaries about this sort of thing, but in my opinion there needs to be room for new friends of both genders inside a relationship. He and his coworker share a passion for running, are pushing each other for a half-marathon—this is the sort of thing I'd imagine, in theory, both of you would prefer to be able to be shared with support instead of skepticism. He'd probably like to tell you about this friend, about a run, and be confident you'd be excited for him. He didn't feel that, for whatever reason, and in avoiding confrontation he dug a bigger hole, a bigger divide, by hedging.

    Calling you "crazy" is also never cool. Hopefully that's not a regular occurrence, especially since, at the end of the day, he did lie. And from his text he seems to know he messed up, and held himself accountable. Since nothing here points remotely to anything like infidelity, I'd use this moment as a chance to get closer and more secure, together, rather than one to drift further apart. He sounds like a good guy, a good husband. I'd suggest setting up a dinner with his friend and her husband—a chance for all of you to hang out, to see that, big picture, there's nothing to worry about.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Nothing that concrete but keep your eyes open. Handing you the phone was clever on his part. They don't sound stupid enough to send anything incriminating through texts spouses would see.
    Originally Posted by Glata
    recent has had a friendship with a teacher who is also married with two kids.


    He left early on our anniversary to go for a 10 mile run at a park 30 minutes away and through a mutual friend who saw him I found out he actually ran with this woman.

    When I asked him if he ran alone he said yes..then after further questions he admitted he did meet up to run with her and they’ve planned this all week.


    He gave me his phone immediately, saying I am crazy and let me see all their texts which were not flirty, mainly about running and being partners at a staff game they play at school and a lot of inside jokes.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Glata
    This is what he sent me :

    I was wrong and I apologize to you I should’ve told you, in my mind I just thought you wouldn’t get it and that you would get jealous and it would have started not just a fight but a whole other chapter on how I don’t love you and whatever you would think. So I said screw it its no big deal just going for a run. I was wrong and like I said I am sorry and will never hide from anything like that again....I would NEVER cheat on you and I think you know that deep inside that’s not me. I swear on everything I love you and that NOTHING physical/emotional has occurred it is legit a friendship who are pushing each other for a 1/2 marathon. I love you very much and it hurts me that you are hurting. I know you packed a bag but come home tonight this is where you belong, we can talk and clear the air.
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I don't like that he called you crazy.

    If he loves you like he says, why would he think that was a loving thing to do?
    I mean, I don't necessarily like it either, but it sounds like he wasn't too far off the mark. Packing a bag over this is, colloquially speaking, crazy. And that she ended up staying there the night anyway? Mock executions aren't incredibly loving, either.

    I'm not sure when people started assuming saying someone is acting crazy about something was inferring they legit have to be schizophrenic in that moment rather than it being what's admittedly not the healthiest way to simply convey you believe they're overreacting. OP had her bag packed, and we have no idea what transpired within the argument leading him to have her help herself to his private correspondences. OP claims she doesn't foster an environment where anyone would feel compelled to tiptoe, yet pretty much every detail shared contradicts her. Clearly one of the two, or both, are "crazy."

    Add to it she'd initially written "he left early on their anniversary" to go running with this lady, only for it to mean they'd simply gone on a morning run rather than him having cut off dinner to see this woman (whether it was an unintended implication or her trying to garner more sympathy). I'm not really willing to take anything here at anywhere near face value.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Translation: Faux apology is much cheaper and easier than divorce.
    Originally Posted by Glata
    This is what he sent me :

    I was wrong and I apologize to you I should’ve told you, in my mind I just thought you wouldn’t get it and that you would get jealous and it would have started not just a fight but a whole other chapter on how I don’t love you and whatever you would think. So I said screw it its no big deal just going for a run. I was wrong and like I said I am sorry and will never hide from anything like that again....I would NEVER cheat on you and I think you know that deep inside that’s not me. I swear on everything I love you and that NOTHING physical/emotional has occurred it is legit a friendship who are pushing each other for a 1/2 marathon. I love you very much and it hurts me that you are hurting. I know you packed a bag but come home tonight this is where you belong, we can talk and clear the air.

  11. #20
    Member Glata's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean, I don't necessarily like it either, but it sounds like he wasn't too far off the mark. Packing a bag over this is, colloquially speaking, crazy. And that she ended up staying there the night anyway? Mock executions aren't incredibly loving, either.

    I'm not sure when people started assuming saying someone is acting crazy about something was inferring they legit have to be schizophrenic in that moment rather than it being what's admittedly not the healthiest way to simply convey you believe they're overreacting. OP had her bag packed, and we have no idea what transpired within the argument leading him to have her help herself to his private correspondences. OP claims she doesn't foster an environment where anyone would feel compelled to tiptoe, yet pretty much every detail shared contradicts her. Clearly one of the two, or both, are "crazy."

    Add to it she'd initially written "he left early on their anniversary" to go running with this lady, only for it to mean they'd simply gone on a morning run rather than him having cut off dinner to see this woman (whether it was an unintended implication or her trying to garner more sympathy). I'm not really willing to take anything here at anywhere near face value.
    To be clear. He did not cut off our anniversary dinner to meet her! Simply left in the morning of our Anniversary to meet another woman to run and lying about it.

    Also, the bag he saw me carry on our ring camera was my Gym bag that I bring to work. ( I don’t work out with my male hot coworker) He was simply assuming at this point that I was leaving.

    I did not storm out. Just tossed and turned all night.

    I was hoping for same clarity and certainly was not “garnering sympathy”.

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