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Thread: Angry over husbands relationship with coworker

  1. #111
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Just be cautious and smart, please. Pay attention that what's going on around you and be strong enough to know when to tell your husband to knock if off with this woman.
    Great advice and agree!!

  2. #112
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Thanks, Kat.

  3. #113
    Member Glata's Avatar
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    I agree with all the above and appreciate all the different perspectives.

    A lot of people were hung up on the fact that he got my stepmother and best friend involved ďto get them on his sideĒ but that was not the case. I accused him of being a liar, cheater and that I feel like I donít even know him (complete shock when I first found out and knew nothing about the situation) then I left for work, ignored his messages and went out after with some friends. He panicked and explained the situation to them and told them that he feels awful and wanted to know what he should do to make me understand that thereís nothing going on. Apparently they both called him stupid and couldnít understand why he would withhold that from me. Then they advised him to let me be until we can talk calmly about everything and I was ready to hear him out and be rational.

    Neither one of them felt it was a huge deal that ends a marriage but they understand the deep disappointment I felt because of the lie.

    He asked what I wanted him to do and honestly I donít know. His suggestion was for him to not initiate contact about running or anything and just let her get the hint.
    As someone mentioned in a post above, thatís something that he has to come up with because I will not be the wife who dictates and rules who can have contact with but I feel observe.

    He let me know that she texted him on Thursday and showed me how it was about how bad he is at giving clues during their games and then she wished him a nice weekend and he did the same.

    I told him I will not ask to check his phone because thatís not the kind of marriage I want so Iím happy he volunteers that information. He gave me a calendar of all future social events theyíll have through work (he generally wants me to come) and suggests I meet her and is convinced that would ease my concerns. Heís also asked me, before all of this, numerous times to be at the finish line for the half marathon for him so if they had this steamy thing going on , I doubt he would want me there.

    Again, Iím not trying to sound naive and trust me, if there was anything in those texts indicating that itís anything more than a coworker/running relationship things would be a lot different.

    Itís still not sitting well with me but Iíll just take it day by day.

  4. #114
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Glata
    I agree with all the above and appreciate all the different perspectives.

    A lot of people were hung up on the fact that he got my stepmother and best friend involved ďto get them on his sideĒ but that was not the case. I accused him of being a liar, cheater and that I feel like I donít even know him (complete shock when I first found out and knew nothing about the situation) then I left for work, ignored his messages and went out after with some friends. He panicked and explained the situation to them and told them that he feels awful and wanted to know what he should do to make me understand that thereís nothing going on. Apparently they both called him stupid and couldnít understand why he would withhold that from me. Then they advised him to let me be until we can talk calmly about everything and I was ready to hear him out and be rational.

    Neither one of them felt it was a huge deal that ends a marriage but they understand the deep disappointment I felt because of the lie.

    He asked what I wanted him to do and honestly I donít know. His suggestion was for him to not initiate contact about running or anything and just let her get the hint.
    As someone mentioned in a post above, thatís something that he has to come up with because I will not be the wife who dictates and rules who can have contact with but I feel observe.

    He let me know that she texted him on Thursday and showed me how it was about how bad he is at giving clues during their games and then she wished him a nice weekend and he did the same.

    I told him I will not ask to check his phone because thatís not the kind of marriage I want so Iím happy he volunteers that information. He gave me a calendar of all future social events theyíll have through work (he generally wants me to come) and suggests I meet her and is convinced that would ease my concerns. Heís also asked me, before all of this, numerous times to be at the finish line for the half marathon for him so if they had this steamy thing going on , I doubt he would want me there.

    Again, Iím not trying to sound naive and trust me, if there was anything in those texts indicating that itís anything more than a coworker/running relationship things would be a lot different.

    Itís still not sitting well with me but Iíll just take it day by day.
    Good luck. Hope you can put it all behind you and you are able to do so because his actions show you that you can. So far it looks as if they do and, you can.

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  6. #115
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He doesn't want to let her go and you don't want to let him go. Therefore he will hide it and edit things better and you will believe whatever he tells you. It works because you don't want to lose him and he wants you to feel ok with him being with her and advancing their relationship.

  7. #116
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    how bad he is at giving clues during their games and then she wished him a nice weekend
    This woman annoys me. She is semi flirting with him. She doesn't need to be sending texts teasing him on how bad he is at clues.
    Why doesn't she go flirt with her own husband?

    I totally understand about not wanting to be a prison warden, no one would want to live that way.
    All you can do is keep an eye out.

    But be cautious too, as wiseman said, he can hide and edit things if he wants to.

    I hope things are on the up and up, and that this woman starts to fade away into the background.

    But only time will tell.

  8. #117
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    Originally Posted by Glata
    A lot of people were hung up on the fact that he got my stepmother and best friend involved ďto get them on his sideĒ but that was not the case. I accused him of being a liar, cheater and that I feel like I donít even know him (complete shock when I first found out and knew nothing about the situation) then I left for work, ignored his messages and went out after with some friends. He panicked and explained the situation to them and told them that he feels awful and wanted to know what he should do to make me understand that thereís nothing going on. Apparently they both called him stupid and couldnít understand why he would withhold that from me. Then they advised him to let me be until we can talk calmly about everything and I was ready to hear him out and be rational.
    The fact that EITHER of you got the family involved is triangulation. If he felt awful, his job was to direct himself towards you, not them just hoping it would get back to you or they would intervene, and if they asked you for a response "its between me and (husband's name)" or "I wish i could chat, but i am running out of the door for work" and don't address it.

  9. #118
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    SMH: (and in my opinion) His "job" is to do what he can to make things right with her and if that meant that he went to her family to ask for advice then so be it. He did go to the OP originally to try and resolve and she wasn't open to his attempts.

    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He doesn't want to let her go and you don't want to let him go. Therefore he will hide it and edit things better and you will believe whatever he tells you. It works because you don't want to lose him and he wants you to feel ok with him being with her and advancing their relationship.
    With all due respect... None of us "know" he will do any of the things many are accusing him of.

    It's these kinds of posts that will more likely then not have you paranoid unnecessarily, Op.

    I hope you can just go by your husbands apparent devotion to YOU, his contrition over the lie and his attempts at making things right with you as you go forward with him.

  10. #119
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    SMH: (and in my opinion) His "job" is to do what he can to make things right with her and if that meant that he went to her family to ask for advice then so be it. He did go to the OP originally to try and resolve and she wasn't open to his attempts.



    With all due respect... None of us "know" he will do any of the things many are accusing him of.

    It's these kinds of posts that will more likely then not have you paranoid unnecessarily, Op.

    I hope you can just go by your husbands apparent devotion to YOU, his contrition over the lie and his attempts at making things right with you as you go forward with him.
    I know. You are so right. I came home to a steak dinner tonight and he casually worked into the dinner convo that she texted today and offered to show. I told him I appreciate him not making me ask and told him I didnít want to see. She just apologized for missing the game because her and her husband had to take their son to a doctors appointment and asked how his pace was for his last run.

    Although of course I donít love that she wants to keep contact going (she obviously sees it as no big deal as well) Iíll chalk it up as just that for now I guess.

    Heís always been a devoted husband, not just since I found out they went for a run so we will see what happens. I do want to be able to give him the benefit of a doubt.

    This was our first major fight in 9 years where I accused him of something that was so unthinkable to him so the fact that he reached out to those closest to me does not bother me.

  11. #120
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    Originally Posted by Glata
    I know. You are so right. I came home to a steak dinner tonight and he casually worked into the dinner convo that she texted today and offered to show. I told him I appreciate him not making me ask and told him I didnít want to see. She just apologized for missing the game because her and her husband had to take their son to a doctors appointment and asked how his pace was for his last run.

    Although of course I donít love that she wants to keep contact going (she obviously sees it as no big deal as well) Iíll chalk it up as just that for now I guess.

    Heís always been a devoted husband, not just since I found out they went for a run so we will see what happens. I do want to be able to give him the benefit of a doubt.

    This was our first major fight in 9 years where I accused him of something that was so unthinkable to him so the fact that he reached out to those closest to me does not bother me.
    NICE. so he thinks a steak dinner butters you up for the news that she texted him again? Keep a close eye on when he "goes back to the old routine" and there are no steak dinners . To me it seems he is upset that he got caught -- rather than realizing its actually wrong


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