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Thread: Angry over husbands relationship with coworker

  1. #1
    Member Glata's Avatar
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    Angry over husbands relationship with coworker

    My husband and I have been together for 8 years and today was our second wedding anniversary.

    He is a teacher and works with mostly women (older and married with kids). He is a friendly guy and loved by all but as of recent has had a friendship with a teacher who is also married with two kids but young and somewhat attractive.

    They text each other about running (they are both runners and are training for a half marathon) and funny gifs back and forth.

    Last weekend they attended a work party at a bar and he actually drank and was out late (something that he doesnít usually enjoy)

    He left early on our anniversary to go for a 10 mile run at a park 30 minutes away and through a mutual friend who saw him I found out he actually ran with this woman.

    When I asked him if he ran alone he said yes..then after further questions he admitted he did meet up to run with her and theyíve planned this all week.

    I am dumbfounded because he has Never been untruthful and can honestly say he is a very good man who would not cheat.

    Am I right for being angry and disgusted that he a) lied and b) has this weird friendship?

    He gave me his phone immediately, saying I am crazy and let me see all their texts which were not flirty, mainly about running and being partners at a staff game they play at school and a lot of inside jokes.

    Am I crazy or is that not crossing the line?

  2. #2
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    I would be very put off by the lie and the fact that he cut out on your anniversary early to spend time with her, yes.

    Having a friend is one thing. It's the lack of transparency about it that would have my alarm bells ringing. She might not have any romantic inclinations towards him, but I would certainly be wondering if he feels something more than friendship towards her.

    I think you two need to sit down and really talk about this. You can explain that his dishonesty is the problem, and ask him why he feels he can't be open with you about his friendship with her.

    EDIT: I took a look at your posting history. This is the same man who made a pro/con list about you before getting married, and listed as a big con his lack of physical attraction towards you? [Register to see the link] Was that ever truly addressed before you married?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I would be very put off by the lie and the fact that he cut out on your anniversary early to spend time with her, yes.

    Having a friend is one thing. It's the lack of transparency about it that would have my alarm bells ringing. She might not have any romantic inclinations towards him, but I would certainly be wondering if he feels something more than friendship towards her.

    I think you two need to sit down and really talk about this. You can explain that his dishonesty is the problem, and ask him why he feels he can't be open with you about his friendship with her.

    EDIT: I took a look at your posting history. This is the same man who made a pro/con list about you before getting married, and listed as a big con his lack of physical attraction towards you? [Register to see the link] Was that ever truly addressed before you married?
    Thank you for your reply. You are absolutely right. Itís the lie or withholding of the truth.

    Yes that is the same man. We addressed it and moved on. At that point in time he was feeling unworthy, unattractive but weíve had no issues since.

    Part of me always feels insecure about that time though.
    His reasoning for not telling me about the run was because he knew I would read more into it.

    He took me to a broadway show last night and told me she actually recommended it as he was looking for Anniversary ideas.

    It just does not sit well with me

  4. #4
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    I can see why he withheld some truth.
    Because withholding some truth actually allows him the freedom he should have within his marriage and that is to go for a run with someone with a similar interest.

    If he had told you who he was going for a run with , would you have allowed it ? Iím guessing not.
    If this colleague was male you would have had no issue , just like you had no issue when you assumed he was running alone.

    So, please donít make this about cutting your night short. You only have an issue with hindsight.

    A few of us had a running thing after work a few years ago.
    One of my male colleagues would join us. He loves running. I have ran with him just the two of us , sometimes him with one other female workmate and sometimes in a group. It is a female dominated workplace.

    There have been times when I or another female co worker have texted him re running and he claims not to have received the message. He is such an honest guy and so loyal to his wife but we do think she has some insecurity issues. And we believe she read his messages and deleted them.

    I feel so sorry for him that he has to tip toe around his wife purely to go go for a run with others.
    Itís so unfair on him.

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  6. #5
    On the one hand, it kind of looks like he may have an attracted to her, but on the other hand, there is no evidence at all that this is the case. He handed you his phone so he is clearly not hiding anything. They are training for a marathon and that means getting in as many runs as you can. I do think your paranoia may have run away with you a little here purely because he's running with a woman.

  7. #6
    Member Glata's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I can see why he withheld some truth.
    Because withholding some truth actually allows him the freedom he should have within his marriage and that is to go for a run with someone with a similar interest.

    If he had told you who he was going for a run with , would you have allowed it ? Iím guessing not.
    If this colleague was male you would have had no issue , just like you had no issue when you assumed he was running alone.

    So, please donít make this about cutting your night short. You only have an issue with hindsight.

    A few of us had a running thing after work a few years ago.
    One of my male colleagues would join us. He loves running. I have ran with him just the two of us , sometimes him with one other female workmate and sometimes in a group. It is a female dominated workplace.

    There have been times when I or another female co worker have texted him re running and he claims not to have received the message. He is such an honest guy and so loyal to his wife but we do think she has some insecurity issues. And we believe she read his messages and deleted them.

    I feel so sorry for him that he has to tip toe around his wife purely to go go for a run with others.
    Itís so unfair on him.
    That makes sense and puts some perspective on things.

    We donít have the kind of relationship where he would need to tip toe so Iím just confused about the lie and hurt by the effort he puts into communicating with her.

    I personally would not leave my husband on our anniversary morning to meet my male coworker in a park 30 minutes away from home on a Saturday.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Glata
    I personally would not leave my husband on our anniversary morning to meet my male coworker in a park 30 minutes away from home on a Saturday.
    To clarify, did you have plans with him that morning to do something to celebrate?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    To clarify, did you have plans with him that morning to do something to celebrate?
    No we did not. I was just looking forward to being with him and he rushed out of the house.

  10. #9
    Again, this just boils down to the fact that he was training with his female colleague. You probably wouldn't have had a problem with him if he was out running alone. You hadn't made any plans so what was the problem?

  11. #10
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    It's cheating.

    Don't accept blame for his actions.

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