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Thread: Help me - 8 weeks NC , 11 weeks BU I miss her

  1. #1

    Help me - 8 weeks NC , 11 weeks BU I miss her

    This is a kind of long post but I'm just really not sure what to do at this point I just need an objective opinion .. My ex and I (both 22) broke up in Jan (about 2,5 months ago) we
    were together for about 7 months ,
    things were going really well for about the first 5 months, initially I was a bit overwhealmed by the relationship and things moved really fast, she felt this too but were decided it was okay and we were happy with where we were at (this isn't just my assumption she would always talk about how happy I made her) we met each other's families and things were good.. however we were both studying very difficult degrees at different uni's, and our schedules didn't really match up - we live about an hour away from each other so making time was kinda difficult around the 6th month when finals were coming up , we would still FaceTime and call each other everyday

    but during the ,6th month we only met up once a month because when I had exams she didn't and when had exams I didn't (other times the longest we went without seeing each other was 2 weeks) ; the date wasn't the best because we were both quite stressed and our energy was drained when we met up, and she started becoming slightly distant (I think this was due to stress), I noticed she became moody (hot and cold); I wanted to break up with her but a friend talked me out of it and I stayed and didn't mention anything to her and because she started pulling away I stupidly started chasing harder, tried to set up a date a week before my exam but she flaked , and I think this made me become a bit insecure as I didn't confront her when I should've which I think turned her off a little, although we would still speak everyday.

    When she finally finished exams I wanted to spend time with her but she gave excuses that she was insanely busy with family(there was a family wedding) , I believed the excuses but wasn't happy and tried to make time as I didn't think we would be able to make any other time as I was leaving for holiday soon , she ignored and declined this but apologized, I then left for holiday when her family wedding ended , and told her I needed to talk to her, she ignored this (I think she knew was what coming). Then a week later she reached out and started being sweet to me, she was also on holiday at this point.

    I got home a few days before she did and she notified me once she got back, I tried calling her when she was back but no answer and told her to call me. She went out with her girlfriends and texted the next day and said every time she tries to call something pops up. My birthday was the next day so she was trying to get me excited and did the whole countdown blah blah, I wasn't too enthusiastic because like she was ignoring me and didn't even respond to the invite that I sent for a dinner with all my friends. She called on my birthday and I told her she needs to make up her mind because I don't want someone who flakes on me like this and she tried not to fight because it was my birthday, I insisted and she said she will think about it and I told her to get back to me... I ignored her the rest of my bday and didn't spend any of it with her, she texted a couple of times but I didn't reply, and then replied the next day,, 2 days later she broke up with me via text and said she's just not ready and she wants to be alone for a bit and I've been good to her etc blah blah and she wants to still be friends , I told her thanks for the good times but no thanks to the friends part and went NC.

    I broke NC after about 3 weeks (silly) and she seemed enthusiastic and she said she was going to contact me literally the same week to tell me her results from uni (I'm an idiot I know).. we texted positively until she told me her results and then I said congrats and went back to NC. A few days after she unfollowed me on social media , but started reaching out to my sister and being really friendly but didn't talk about me. Even though she unfollowed me she still likes tweets and insta posts of mine .. I think she was the one and I really miss her despite the stuff that happened in that last month.. it's been 8 weeks since then.. should I keep NC or should I contact her?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She didn't make time for you. What makes you think she'll make time for you now or even be consistent as a friend? Another problem you have is that you seem like you're looking for more consistency than an acquaintance-ship. You're looking for love with her again but she's already given you her answer!

    Keep going about your own routine and moving forward. Speaking to her now when you're both on vastly different pages is just going back in time to your relationship when you had more hots for her than she did for you.

  3. #3
    You don't work together so stick with no contact

  4. #4
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    I would stay no contact and focus on degree. As hard as it is maybe just set nc for one study session then reward yourself after then do it until next study session... to break it up into manageable chunks. I went though this over a decade ago. I didn't know about NC, but did it on own by studying. The pain of her dumping me faded. The degree is with me forever.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    I think your relationship fizzled because you both have a lot going on in your lived. Important stuff.

    Focus on your studies, your own hobbies and friends. If you have time, date someone else but keep NC. Thins aren't going to change with this girl. Keep moving on, you are not alone.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Unfriending on social media tends to be a sign that the person is struggling to move on but ultimately wants to. Just because she broke up with you doesn't mean she didn't experience any pain, doubts, loneliness, and confusion. Pain does not immediately mean you return to the relationship, though. My take is that you reaching out only increased her confusion and reopened wounds that had begun to heal, so she decided to take even more space from you.

    It's only been two months and from the way you talk about the relationship, it sounds like you were pretty invested. Expect the grief to be nonlinear and to last a lot longer than a few months. You will eventually get back to baseline and be able to date someone else, but only if you stick to no contact and focus on moving forward.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Utterlyhurt
    I would stay no contact and focus on degree. As hard as it is maybe just set nc for one study session then reward yourself after then do it until next study session... to break it up into manageable chunks. I went though this over a decade ago. I didn't know about NC, but did it on own by studying. The pain of her dumping me faded. The degree is with me forever.
    This is key!
    Romantic relationships come and go. Investment in self will stay with you always.
    Unfortunately it sounds like this girl has moved on, would suggest the same for you.


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