Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 41

Thread: soul feeling deeply unsettled after a bad breakup

  1. #11
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    564
    No, the post above it. I think no contact is for people who are having trouble accepting the relationship is over and are continually trying (and failing) to reestablish a connection. I donít get that from your post so I see no harm in communicating now thatthe dust has settled

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    10
    Hi rainorshine, most breakups end on a sour note as yours has. It seems you know the breakup needed to happen and are moving on with your life. Good for you! That's part of healing. You say that the breakup was ugly and he "was nasty and disrespectful" and you would like an apology yet doubt that he would apologize. It may be best not to expect an apology as it is a choice he has to make. You also indicate throughout your post, that you regret your words: "I said things that were hurtful to him...I truly never wanted to hurt him, and it sits heavy on my heart knowing I did and never apologized...I do feel bad...I would apologize as well...Ending on bad terms ....leaves me sad to the core." It is evident that you want to apologize, yet hope he makes the first move. Since that is not something you can control, perhaps just dealing with what you can do may be the best thing. Is it possible to write a letter of apology to him rather than a text? Letters are certainly old fashioned but much more effective than texts. With texts, responses can happen immediately without much thought. With letters, it may be that people will not respond so quickly allowing the receiver to take more time to think things through before responding. Do you think this might be possible? Should you decide to write a letter, perhaps really searching your heart for tenderness and love so that your tone truly demonstrates an apology and a desire for peace for both of you. What do you think? His response may or may not be good, but at least you hopefully will let go of feeling badly for the way you responded to the breakup. Blessings

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    46
    Originally Posted by HopeinGod
    Is it possible to write a letter of apology to him rather than a text?
    I agree with this. A letter is much more personal, means you took the time to write it, stamp it, mail it so it carries more weight. And it's harder to get carried away because you can't send 10 letters in a row as easily as texts or emails.

    And the apology doesn't need to be elaborate or have a long explaination. A heartfelt I'm sorry is pretty powerful. Do mention nicely that the breakup was needed so as not to give false hope, but no need to rehash it all in there. I speak from experience and am actually friends now with a few exes. They still mention years later how much that letter meant to them. We didn't work out as a couple, but it bridged a lot of the painful gaps so that later when reconnecting it was on a positive note. And several never responded. But I felt better having told them they were meaningful and I was sorry.

  4. #14
    Member Monmouth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    6
    Originally Posted by Utterlyhurt
    I agree with this. A letter is much more personal, means you took the time to write it, stamp it, mail it so it carries more weight. And it's harder to get carried away because you can't send 10 letters in a row as easily as texts or emails.

    And the apology doesn't need to be elaborate or have a long explaination. A heartfelt I'm sorry is pretty powerful. Do mention nicely that the breakup was needed so as not to give false hope, but no need to rehash it all in there. I speak from experience and am actually friends now with a few exes. They still mention years later how much that letter meant to them. We didn't work out as a couple, but it bridged a lot of the painful gaps so that later when reconnecting it was on a positive note. And several never responded. But I felt better having told them they were meaningful and I was sorry.
    This is a very good idea I think. The letter will get things off your chest & hopefully clear your mind. It will also show your ex there are no hard feelings.
    It may even make things better for him in dealing with the break up without giving him false hope of a reconciliation.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    175
    You could communicate these feelings and talk to your ex. Cutting all contact isnít the only method, you need to do what works for you.
    I agree with this. A letter is much more personal, means you took the time to write it, stamp it, mail it so it carries more weight. And it's harder to get carried away because you can't send 10 letters in a row as easily as texts or emails.
    I agree with both of these. I wish I hadn't completely gone NC as the lack of a caring goodbye and some calm discussion has really tormented me for over a year.

    I eventually wrote a letter and sent it. I felt pretty good about what I said. I also said that a response was not necessary...and I did not get one. However, a warning; I saw in the news that the local post office was completely neglectful and lost or failed to deliver 30,000 pieces of mail in my city around that time. So I don't even know that she got it. That said, I would almost suggest dropping it off in person in their mailbox or taping it to their door.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Female
    Thanks everyone! The idea of a letter is actually very...me. Often during our relationship I would write him poems or leave him small notes when I left to return home (we were long distance). I think it was definitely something he appreciated and meant a lot to him, as he knew they came from the deepest place in my heart. I know he would not be expecting a letter, but I bet he wouldn't necessarily be surprised to get one either. It's a great idea, and I think I'll do it. I might give it a week or two, just to give us both a little time to heal additionally, though. :)

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    10
    Hi again rainorshine, I'm glad you are considering writing a letter and also giving yourself more time to heal. Plus, you are probably already putting some thoughts together in your head before you put anything in writing. Another thought to this idea, what about having someone objective read the letter before you actually mail it? Sometimes another set of eyes helps. What do you think? Blessings

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by HopeinGod
    Hi again rainorshine, I'm glad you are considering writing a letter and also giving yourself more time to heal. Plus, you are probably already putting some thoughts together in your head before you put anything in writing. Another thought to this idea, what about having someone objective read the letter before you actually mail it? Sometimes another set of eyes helps. What do you think? Blessings
    Hi! Thanks for your suggestion. I think it might just be a short, to-the-point letter, no more than 4-5 sentences. I tend to be very verbose in my writing when I speak of my feelings, but knowing there is a good chance I will not receive a response, I think that pouring my heart out would just hurt me in the end. That was always a source of sadness for me during our relationship and our breakup--I would pour my heart out to him and he would not reciprocate at all. It just made me feel small and unworthy in a way, and I would rather not let myself feel that way post-breakup, too!

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    10
    Hello rainorshine, I think it a good idea to keep it short...I also am verbose and in a letter I wrote I had my Pastor read it to see if it was ok. He did cut off quite a bit and said I could maybe use it in another letter. I'm glad I had him look at it. Have you written it yet? Are you feeling better after writing it? Blessings

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    I Can See The Sun!
    Posts
    2,284
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by rainorshine
    ....but knowing there is a good chance I will not receive a response, I think that pouring my heart out would just hurt me in the end. That was always a source of sadness for me during our relationship and our breakup--I would pour my heart out to him and he would not reciprocate at all. It just made me feel small and unworthy in a way, and I would rather not let myself feel that way post-breakup, too!
    This^^

    Writing things out has long known to be cathartic but so has burning said letter without sending it......Yes it will upset you knowing he read it and didn't reply or just said 'Thanks'.....or whatever response he gives will not make you feel any better...

    Over time I promise you, you won't care that you sent that letter or not....more times than not I hear 'Thank God I didn't send that letter'....you feel me?

    There is also a very helpful thread in this section where people DO write out their thoughts to their ex....Perhaps try that and see how you go....

    Breakups suck. Hope you are doing ok today*

    Carus*

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •