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Thread: Hanging out with a recent ex, didn't make a move and now cold.

  1. #1
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    Hanging out with a recent ex, didn't make a move and now cold.

    Hi I am trying to make sense of this situation. My ex dumped me 1 month ago after she returned to the country after being away for 6 months and didn't feel like dating anymore but wanted to be friends. We were together about a year and a half and lived together for about 6months, I refused her offer for just friendship and went our separate ways.

    She texted a few times asking about getting our stuff because I had some of her belongings and she had some of mine. We exchanged things a couple weeks later, then she texted me again a few days later asking about the model of something I had because she wanted the same thing. A few messages later in the conversation I asked how she was and this eventually led me to asking her out on a date the next day, which she eagerly agreed to.
    We had a great evening out but I didn't make a move because it still felt kind of strange to me. She did touch me a few times but it didn't seem anything more than platonic and we just ended the night with a hug after I dropped her off. In the morning she texted me saying she had tons of fun after I texted her that i missed that.

    A couple days later she texts me about if I've seen something of hers that she couldn't find when unpacking, I said I didn't. Then the following night she called me for help setting up her TV service, then asked what I was doing and if I wanted to come over right now and watch a movie and she has a pizza in the oven. I went over and didn't know if this was a booty call.
    We watched a couple of movies that night but nothing happened between us, and looking back at it, I am sure I missed my chance. We held hands a bit and she was leaning on me but I didn't go for a kiss or anything.
    It usually takes me a bit of time to open up to someone. Like originally with her, we didn't kiss until the 4th date and didn't sleep together until after a month of dating.

    I still asked her the next day when she's free to go out again to which she replied that she doesn't have much going on with herself right now. I said I'd pick her up the following night after i got off work, to which she replied a couple hours later with some lame excuse of other plans she had.
    A few days go by and I ask her if she's got any plans the next couple of days and she said she did. I then just told her that I'd like to see her again but to let me know when her schedule opens up again. She just replied with OK.

    I pretty sure I missed my opportunity with her that night she invited me over, but does not making a move make her lose all attraction to me?
    I'd love to see her again but should I just wait it out until she texts me again?
    She still likes my social media posts even though we aren't a couple anymore but how can I know if she wants me in a romantic and non-platonic way?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    It's tough to say what she was thinking at the time, but it does sound like she's dodging you now. I'm not usually in favor of people trying to get their ex back for exactly this reason. The hot/cold game is exhausting and likely not worth the relationship you're rewarded with if you do get them back.

    Talking to her and spending time with her is confusing you and messing with your feelings. I'd go no contact for awhile and try to move on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    It's tough to say what she was thinking at the time, but it does sound like she's dodging you now. I'm not usually in favor of people trying to get their ex back for exactly this reason. The hot/cold game is exhausting and likely not worth the relationship you're rewarded with if you do get them back.

    Talking to her and spending time with her is confusing you and messing with your feelings. I'd go no contact for awhile and try to move on.
    Totally agree with this. I don't think you lost an opportunity if she knows that you like to take things slow.I agree you should go NC to give you time to heal.

  4. #4
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    I really don't think any of this has anything to do with you not making a move that night, OP.

    She is the one who would need to initiate, and it sounds like she's happy to have you keep her company when it suits her, but she's not actually leaning towards reconciliation at this time. If reconciliation hinged entirely on you making a move on that one isolated occasion, then you really don't have a solid basis to reconcile anyway.

    I'm sorry, but I think it's best if you keep your distance from her and not get your hopes up.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's natural you both miss each other but it's not a good idea to hang out or date an ex after a break up(especially not being on the same wavelength where you, the dumpee, wants to get back with her, the dumper). The dynamics are not good and it's not looking good for you. I don't even think she's aware of what a twit she's being. She's just doing her thing as far as she's concerned and you're not a priority to her at all(the relationship is over). It's best to spend time elsewhere - enjoy your hobbies, touch base with your friends, fill your life up with new things and memories.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Very common after a failed relationship to move you into her friendzone. Cut it off.

  8. #7
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    Ask her if she wants to reconcile. If not, cut it off and block her..

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    I think I'm just going to move on with my life and not contact her again unless she does. not contacting her made her reach out in the first place and I'd want to be with someone who would want to see me.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You guys had a long distance relationship, which is hard, most don;t workout.

    Plus, you broke up awhile ago. Being broken up for a long time means the love dies and will probably never return.

    You get one chance at love with a person.

    No problem - just find a new, local girl to date.

    It's not like it's portrayed in movies and TV. You can't go back - once love is dead between a couple, it's gone forever between them.

  11. #10
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by triceps
    I think I'm just going to move on with my life and not contact her again unless she does. not contacting her made her reach out in the first place and I'd want to be with someone who would want to see me.
    If you make this passive decision, you're giving her permission to keep toying with you. If you're going to be open to her initiating communication with you, do yourself a favor and make sure you know where she stands. I think it's a bad idea for you to talk to her at all, though.

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