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Thread: Mistakes were made

  1. #1

    Mistakes were made

    Hi guys,

    I'm 31 yr old male. Been broken up with my ex now for 5 weeks. We were together 6 months long distance mainly.

    We broke up because I called her and said I wasnt sure if I was ready to be in a relationship, I was trying to be honest. The way I did it was wrong though. I was drinking and she was at an airport. I very stupid.

    I called a million times, texted another million. Begged and became REALLY INSECURE basically. She said she cant go back, cant give me what I need, her exs were controlling, shes really hurt, etc etc.

    I didnt give her space and I see my mistake. She actually said she needed time and I didnt understand that.

    Its been 6 weeks no contact now. I feel like this no contact is a bit stupid sometimes but makes sense.

    Im going to her country next week (tickets were booked before we broke up and I have family there anyway). I am sorry for what I did but she seems so hurt and when it was all said and done she wasn't answering my calls and texts. Should I message her while Im there to see if she wants to meet?

    I feel I may regret not even trying as I initially broke her heart like an idiot because I was scared.

    Jon

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. Why weren't you "sure if I was ready to be in a relationship" after 6 mos? What compelled you to tell her this? Have those circumstances changed? Was the distance getting in the way? Ok leave her alone. Visit with your family, but see if she contacts you rather than contacting her. After dumping her in a drunken nasty way, it's doubtful she wants a quick hookup while you're in town.

  3. #3
    Thanks wiseman

    I think I was just scared that things wouldn't work out, I had no reason to be though. I guess circumstances have changed because I realise it was my own insecurities.

    I dont want a hookup, but I guess youre right here. I should not contact her just out of respect if nothing else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You never know if things will work out. Realize the only control you have is being the best bf possible in the future, and hope for the best. In my opinion, you really don't love a person if you risk losing them with talks like this, even when drunk.

    You pulled the switch and now you have to live with the consequences. She has a right to continue closure without interruption of that process by hearing from you, which will set her back to square one.

    When you're ready to date, dating locally is a safer bet for success. You won't be ready to date if you're holding onto baggage like being scared of being in a serious relationship. Work on yourself so you'll be a better partner to someone in the future.

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  6. #5
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    You can try messaging her while you are there, but I would not get your hopes up too much.

    Let's say you message her, meet up with her, things feel good - and then you have to turn around and fly back home again. Then what? It is asking a lot to put her faith in a guy who lives far away and previously dumped her.

    I think the more likely scenario is that you won't get the response you hoped, or perhaps no response at all. Are you prepared for those possibilities?

    If she lives abroad, how often had you two met in person in the 6 months you were together?

  7. #6
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    When they say they need "time", or "space", the translation is, "i'm breaking up with you". sorry.

  8. #7
    Thank you all for your advice

    I actually just messaged her to say I hope shes ok, and to see if she still has feelings for me. I said it was ok if shes moved on because I know I was an Ahole to her.

    I was doing this no contact thing but then I thought I would regret it if I didnt reach out at least once after shes had time. If I did no contact and never heard from her again I know deep down I would regret it.

    Im not expecting a response and if she's moved on thats ok

  9. #8
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What on earth do her exes have anything to do with this. You told her you weren't ready for a relationship and she started talking about her lousy exes? Look, she doesn't sound put together enough, in my opinion. Committed relationships don't crumble with one drunk phone call. If she's that fragile you do not want her on your team. Move forwards, man. You were right about one thing, you're not ready as in you're not ready to be with someone who doesn't know how to forgive silly mistakes.

  10. #9
    Everything you said is very true, I did just message her after 6 weeks though. I wasnt ever going to contact her again but knew I would regret it if I didnt at least once. I'll leave her alone now. :(

  11. #10
    That's a lot of faith that she's probably lost now yes. I'm prepared for these possibilities, maybe I wasn't a few weeks ago but it's been 6 weeks so now? yes.

    We met twice, but she came to London and met my parents! and I met her friends. It was all a bit fast and I was trying to tell her but maybe I was not firm enough.

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