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Thread: My bf broke up with me over this...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    OK, first of all, I do actually think that your personal trainer is sleazy and creepy. He is definitely old enough to be your Dad AND he's married AND he knows you're in a relationship.

    He should not even be really following you on social media in the first place because he should have some professional boundaries and not get so familiar with his clients. Especially as there's such a large age gap! Even if he was to pretend to be your friend, as if a 50-year-old would be hanging out with a 19-year-old! His own kids are probably your age or even older than you.

    Calling you "babygirl" is too familiar and inappropriate and he is liking all your pictures and messaging you. I think that is not innocent, he is cracking on to you/flirting with you. I think in this case your boyfriend does have a right to be jealous. You need to have much better boundaries where you don't allow other guys to call you pet names and message you.

    However, I think your boyfriend also does sound very controlling and like his jealousy is very over-the-top. Your behaviour was not good either but there are always going to be sleazy guys around flirting and I think he really needs to learn to control his temper better. Telling you to completely quit the gym and checking your phone is not OK. He should have had a conversation with you about it before breaking up. Although he already did let you know that he was not OK with your personal trainer (because he's sleazy let's be honest). But you continued to interact with the trainer on social media and that is disrespectful.

    Do you actually like to get attention from a creepy man your Dad's age? What is the reason you continued talking to the trainer?
    I don't think he broke up with her as in "I break up because this is a deal breaker to me" but more as a temper tantrum and controls tactic to keep her in her toes and show her the consequences. I'm not condoning her lack of boundaries though. Just that her boyfriend is very controlling and this relationship doesn't sound healthy at all.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    This is the same creep that wants you to play the maid. Get rid of this idiot!
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I feel sorry for the bf.
    I donít believe he is that controlling , I believe he feels disrespected.
    And he was by his gf.

    The trainer can call whoever he likes baby girl , who cares in this thread that he disrespects his wife by calling young girls that? He is not here so no point in discussing his issues.

    The OP is very naive and has not placed boundaries which is all the bf has asked for.
    He asked her to deal with it. He didnít approach the trainer and nor should he, that WOULD be controlling.
    He is simply asking her to respect him and their relationship.

    The OP naively states that the trainer is 50 , married and has kids. And because of that thinks her bf shouldnít worry.
    He and all of us know that that doesnít make him respectful or unwilling to cheat with a naive 19 yr old.

    He is now not her trainer and the only connection is on social media.
    Why is he still on there? There is no need.

    OP sorry, but you need to get a bit wiser, understand how you allowing a creepy sleaze to continue to be so can affect how your bf feels.

    Start by respecting yourself and then you can start respecting your bf.
    Are you good with people going through your phone and telling you what to do? I suggest you read her other thread.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Ultimately, going through your phone and making demands is a greater sin than your lack of boundaries. The trust is gone, so of course the relationship doesn't feel the same now. Add the fact dude goes to your parents' house and lounges around expecting to be treated "like a king," and I say good riddance.

    But as a former trainer, guys like this make me gag. But as far as the lack of boundaries go, that's on you. In this situation, I don't care that he's 50, you're the one who's got the power. While he was training you, you were the one his income was dependent on. Even now, you're the one who can go straight to Yelp and slash his clientele in half describing how he used his position to call you "baby girl" on social media. Not saying it's worth it to, but you can and should assert boundaries. In your boyfriend's shoes, if I saw you were actually paying someone who was calling you things like "baby girl," I'd probably dump you. But that's without going through your phone or causing fights trying to dictate your interactions. How you live is and should be up to you.

    Plenty of time and plenty of other options ahead of you.

  4. #24
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Florida Panhandle
    I think that going through her phone was the lesser of two wrongs. If this 50 year old trainer was crossing the line with his attention and comments, the boyfriend was justified in getting angry, not at the trainer but at his girlfriend for allowing the comments to continue. She should have nipped it in the bud the first time and blocked him.

    In general, I think the two of them are not compatible on many levels. If she doesn't want to treat him like a king, then she needs to look elsewhere for love. And stop being naive and letting older men hit on her.


  6. #25
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Jul 2016
    Land of Wind & Ghosts
    Your trainer calls you babygirl? That's not an appropriate professional-client relationship. I don't call my clients babygirl. I'm not surprised the boyfriend was angry.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    There seems to be a theme of you enjoying and encouraging inappropriate attention from older men.
    Why is that?
    The problem isn't your boyfriend, though he is an ass with some controlling tendencies. The real issue, as I see it, is that you are starting out your dating life with some unhealthy bent ideas about men and women. I repeat what I said in your other thread, a grown older man with a good head on his shoulders is not going to be cool with a dynamic where you are both behaving as kids. A 25 year old hanging around at your folks house like he's 15 is downright weird, but you are asking for this dynamic. Same with your trainer, it's weird and yet you are seeking out this creepy little girl/old guy vibe.

    Work on that and the rest will clear itself up. But I imagine there will be some more stories and guys before then. Stay safe .

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    My waitress calls me "honey". Hope that doesn't warrant confiscating and examining my phone 😋. But then again this guy thinks he's "king".
    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Your trainer calls you babygirl? I don't call my clients babygirl.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    My waitress calls me "honey". Hope that doesn't warrant confiscating and examining my phone . But then again this guy thinks he's "king".
    But does your waitress IM you and comment on your stuff frequently?

  10. #29
    Your bf is an ass. I couldn't live with a man that doesn't trust me and goes snooping through my phone like a dimented lunatic. You're crazy if you stay with him.

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