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Thread: He picks fights the day after sex

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. You need to redirect his focus on being a more involved father and more supportive partner. Never entertain discussions about your stomach, etc. Shut that conversation down immediately and ask him to help you out with the baby or chores or take the baby out/to his folks so you can have a break. Insist on more time to focus on yourself and your health and new motherhood.

    Leave more chores, errands and childcare for him to handle so he has less time to ponder his sex life and your body. Also spend more time with friends and family. Either take the child or let mr critical and horny watch her while you go out and take some fitness, yoga, whatever classes or enjoy time with decent supportive people. He clearly has too much time to ponder his sexual needs and your shape.

    As soon as he starts acting like an ass redirect and ask him to do a chore, errand, take the child, etc and leave the room. For example: him: "you should jog", you: "Can you go out and get some milk and diapers" or "can you take baby to your parents/out for a walk" etc. Never acknowledge or entertain mr beauty contest judge's bs. Never defend yourself or your body, simply refocus on his ineptitude and selfishness by suggesting things he need to do to be a decent father/partner.
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I wouldnít be rewarding him with sex.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    She is not rewarding him with sex.
    She is feeling down about her own body image and having sex to negate that. But itís not working for her. She has a condition that lowers her libido. Fine.

    He said she looks nice. But that he is not happy with the way she is. He suggested exercise. It was her that said she is not happy with how she looks. Not him. He is frustratingly grasping at straws to come up with a solution to make her feel better about herself. He might not understand her condition but he is trying to help in the only way he knows how.

    Itís on her to up her self esteem about her own body image post having a child.
    He says she looks nice. He is not happy about the ďway she isĒ and that is not how she looks physically but about her low self esteem. Poor guy .
    It is a cryptic comment. ;) I know what is at play.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    She is not rewarding him with sex.
    She is feeling down about her own body image and having sex to negate that. But itís not working for her. She has a condition that lowers her libido. Fine.

    He said she looks nice. But that he is not happy with the way she is. He suggested exercise. It was her that said she is not happy with how she looks. Not him. He is frustratingly grasping at straws to come up with a solution to make her feel better about herself. He might not understand her condition but he is trying to help in the only way he knows how.

    Itís on her to up her self esteem about her own body image post having a child.
    He says she looks nice. He is not happy about the ďway she isĒ and that is not how she looks physically but about her low self esteem. Poor guy .
    Did we read the same thread!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Did we read the same thread!
    Haha, I didnít get that impression either but reading yíalls Ďyouíre abusedí responses. I had the same thought.

    Look at the verbiage in the post. Youíre getting one side of he story from a highly emotional post but if you look the clues are there, she makes a ton of excuses for her heath, we arenít privy to any of that so itís almoat like a preemptive strike, yes I let myself go, yes I stopped trying. But but but.

    She states heís told her heís worried about her health, that heís going to stop complimenting her so she doesnít stay this way. Wrong way to say, Iím concerned but at its core heís saying Iím concerned.

    Weight and health is a sensitive subject. And this boyfriend is not handling it correctly not by a long shot. But you can tell sheís given up. The verbiage alone screams it and the boyfriend sounds frustrated.

    I doubt she will leave him. Sheís frustrated and hurt and venting. If she doesnít start trying to do something about her health though he probably is.

    This isnít about abuse to me, sheís given up and let herself go. I never thought it was fair that a boyfriend or spouse are pretty much forced to ignore that fact, a woman letting herself go after having a child, being a mom Iíve seen it some women look like completely different people after they have a baby I donít mean just weight wise. I mean dirty unkempt clothes, just all around have up on being a woman, men are just expected to not say anything because of love. I donít think itís fair.

    Is he acting right absolutely not, but again I think heís frustrated, she could see a Dr. about her fatigue and graves disease. How fair would it be if a father had extreme fatigue, which would probably hinder his parenting skills and instead of him seeing a Dr. He did nothing and it got worse and his excuse is, well you know I have this problem! She stated Ďheís supposed to love and support me no matter what!í Not when a partner doesnít care about themselves or their health, thatís so unfair to do to someone.

    I donít know there was just a lot in the backstory that shows thereís deffinetely another side to all this.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 03-30-2019 at 10:37 AM.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I'm sorry he's being a jerk. You can try talking to him or counseling.

    Sometimes that does not work and you have to try tough love. cut off sex and let's see if he still insults you then.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Haha, I didnít get that impression either but reading yíalls Ďyouíre abusedí responses. I had the same thought.

    Look at the verbiage in the post. Youíre getting one side of he story from a highly emotional post but if you look the clues are there, she makes a ton of excuses for her heath, we arenít privy to any of that so itís almoat like a preemptive strike, yes I let myself go, yes I stopped trying. But but but.

    She states heís told her heís worried about her health, that heís going to stop complimenting her so she doesnít stay this way. Wrong way to say, Iím concerned but at its core heís saying Iím concerned.

    Weight and health is a sensitive subject. And this boyfriend is not handling it correctly not by a long shot. But you can tell sheís given up. The verbiage alone screams it and the boyfriend sounds frustrated.

    I doubt she will leave him. Sheís frustrated and hurt and venting. If she doesnít start trying to do something about her health though he probably is.

    This isnít about abuse to me, sheís given up and let herself go. I never thought it was fair that a boyfriend or spouse are pretty much forced to ignore that fact, a woman letting herself go after having a child, being a mom Iíve seen it some women look like completely different people after they have a baby I donít mean just weight wise. I mean dirty unkempt clothes, just all around have up on being a woman, men are just expected to not say anything because of love. I donít think itís fair.

    Is he acting right absolutely not, but again I think heís frustrated, she could see a Dr. about her fatigue and graves disease. How fair would it be if a father had extreme fatigue, which would probably hinder his parenting skills and instead of him seeing a Dr. He did nothing and it got worse and his excuse is, well you know I have this problem! She stated Ďheís supposed to love and support me no matter what!í Not when a partner doesnít care about themselves or their health, thatís so unfair to do to someone.

    I donít know there was just a lot in the backstory that shows thereís deffinetely another side to all this.
    If she did not have Graves Disease, I would not be as sympathetic, as it would be In her best interest to get herself in a healthier place. Plus, she is dealing with a one-year old. She has a lot on her plate .

    Did she state she wasn't getting medical care?

    I agree. I am very physically active, and if my partner made a significant physical change it would be an issue. I would also not make such insensitive comments.

    Perhaps, the abuse comment was overstated in this scenario.

  8. #17
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    OK look, have this conversation with him...."The fighting has to stop because it's not helping me emotionally, which affects me physically. If you don't help me feel good about myself it won't encourage me to improve my situation. I know I do have things to deal with, and I really NEED your support, not your negativity. I want us to work together, get a plan, and work with a doctor to get things back to the way they should."

    Now I get it he's being ad ick , BUT don't enable the behavior by engaging him during his abusive times. Walk away and tell him you will not have any of it. If he wants to TALK about it in a calm positive manner you will sit down and discuss it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JoriePedery
    He made a comment that i should start raking laps around the house to help shrink my stomach.
    Obviously you were put on earth to satisfy his standards.

    What a gem.

    I'm sorry you have a child with him because it's going to make it more difficult for you to cut him out of your life :(

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