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Thread: My boyfriend said he cannot get me a birthday present

  1. #1

    My boyfriend said he cannot get me a birthday present

    Let me give a backstory. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. For his birthday I planned a surprise trip to another city, paid for tickets for us to go to a real haunted house, and booked an Airbnb. I had no money at the time and had to work 10 hour days as an extra on sets to afford this.
    Now it is my birthday. I am turning 21 and I am really anxious because I quit drinking and smoking and all my friends want to take me to clubs. My boyfriend is also sober so I was excited to do something special with him. I asked if we could take a trip to this beach town- I would pay for the hotel AND the snorkeling excursion. So all he would pay for is the gas to drive (it is a 1.5 hr drive).
    Long story short, he just received a speeding ticket and told me yesterday, ďI hope me driving us is a good enough present because I canít afford to get you anything for your birthday.Ē Later today, I texted him saying ďI am disappointed because I am paying for the entire trip and you canít even make an effort to get me something small.Ē
    Keep in mind, He has a job, his parents are loaded, and he is 24. In response to this, he went off on me saying: ďwhy are you making everything about you! Itís not about you, I canít afford anything your so selfish you take it back.Ē He started getting aggressive so I told him I will speak to him when he calms down. How would you guys feel about this? I am mainly disappointed that he doesnít see the importance of doing something special for me. I donít even want anything for my birthday but I really thought he would put the effort in considering how much he says he loves me 😒

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    First rule: donít buy things you canít afford.

    Donít go to the beach if you canít afford it. Donít buy him gifts if you canít afford it.

    Youíre being selfish. He is being honest. If I were you, Iíd cancel the beach trip and ask him to plan something nice - and cheap

  3. #3
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    His parents money has nothing to do with him.

    If you want a guy that can provide you more, he isn't the one. Who usually pays when you do things?

    How does he treat you?

  4. #4
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Cancel the beach trip idea and do something less expensive and more convenient.

    Your boyfriend just received a speeding ticket. He has a job and affluent parents. So what? He's on a budget so allow him to pay his speeding ticket and after that, plan a future trip or vacation together. Take a rain check so when times are better both of you can enjoy some place together. In the meantime, enjoy a nice dinner out or a less expensive activity and focus on the real celebration which is a healthier lifestyle. You quit drinking, smoking and he is sober which is priceless.

    Wait until he pays his speeding ticket and he'll get back on track financially. Celebrate your birthday then. Try not to pout about this in the meantime.

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  6. #5
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    Sorry, I think this is crap. There are plenty of ways to give something small on someone's birthday that aren't expensive. I don't like how he called you selfish because you expect him to put some thought into your day, however small. I would find someone else to do the beach trip with if he can't afford the gas...trying to guilt you and getting aggressive sounds like you're not a long-term match.

  7. #6
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    In the future, you should not be paying for your own b day trips. If others can't afford it, then do something local.

  8. #7
    i bought him gifts because I work hard for my money and wanted to make him feel special. And I donít see how itís selfish to expect your partner to do something small when you went all out to do something nice for them.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You donít expect small though. You clearly want as much as you gave him.

  10. #9
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    Did you spend all that money on him with any expectations?

    Spending a ton of money on someone isn't the best way to show your love, as you've found out.

  11. #10
    I told him I would be happy with a pair of socks because I donít have socks. So youíre wrong there

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