My boyfriend said he cannot get me a birthday present

Let me give a backstory. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. For his birthday I planned a surprise trip to another city, paid for tickets for us to go to a real haunted house, and booked an Airbnb. I had no money at the time and had to work 10 hour days as an extra on sets to afford this.

Now it is my birthday. I am turning 21 and I am really anxious because I quit drinking and smoking and all my friends want to take me to clubs. My boyfriend is also sober so I was excited to do something special with him. I asked if we could take a trip to this beach town- I would pay for the hotel AND the snorkeling excursion. So all he would pay for is the gas to drive (it is a 1.5 hr drive).

Long story short, he just received a speeding ticket and told me yesterday, “I hope me driving us is a good enough present because I can’t afford to get you anything for your birthday.” Later today, I texted him saying “I am disappointed because I am paying for the entire trip and you can’t even make an effort to get me something small.”

Keep in mind, He has a job, his parents are loaded, and he is 24. In response to this, he went off on me saying: “why are you making everything about you! It’s not about you, I can’t afford anything your so selfish you take it back.” He started getting aggressive so I told him I will speak to him when he calms down. How would you guys feel about this? I am mainly disappointed that he doesn’t see the importance of doing something special for me. I don’t even want anything for my birthday but I really thought he would put the effort in considering how much he says he loves me 😒

First rule: don’t buy things you can’t afford.

Don’t go to the beach if you can’t afford it. Don’t buy him gifts if you can’t afford it.

You’re being selfish. He is being honest. If I were you, I’d cancel the beach trip and ask him to plan something nice - and cheap

His parents money has nothing to do with him.

If you want a guy that can provide you more, he isn't the one. Who usually pays when you do things?

How does he treat you?

Cancel the beach trip idea and do something less expensive and more convenient.

Your boyfriend just received a speeding ticket. He has a job and affluent parents. So what? He's on a budget so allow him to pay his speeding ticket and after that, plan a future trip or vacation together. Take a rain check so when times are better both of you can enjoy some place together. In the meantime, enjoy a nice dinner out or a less expensive activity and focus on the real celebration which is a healthier lifestyle. You quit drinking, smoking and he is sober which is priceless.

Wait until he pays his speeding ticket and he'll get back on track financially. Celebrate your birthday then. Try not to pout about this in the meantime.

Sorry, I think this is crap. There are plenty of ways to give something small on someone's birthday that aren't expensive. I don't like how he called you selfish because you expect him to put some thought into your day, however small. I would find someone else to do the beach trip with if he can't afford the gas...trying to guilt you and getting aggressive sounds like you're not a long-term match.

In the future, you should not be paying for your own b day trips. If others can't afford it, then do something local.

i bought him gifts because I work hard for my money and wanted to make him feel special. And I don’t see how it’s selfish to expect your partner to do something small when you went all out to do something nice for them.

You don’t expect small though. You clearly want as much as you gave him.

Did you spend all that money on him with any expectations?

Spending a ton of money on someone isn't the best way to show your love, as you've found out.

I told him I would be happy with a pair of socks because I don’t have socks. So you’re wrong there

Who usually pays when you go out?

I told him I would be happy with a pair of socks because I don’t have socks. So you’re wrong there

Your language implies you want something big.

You point out to him you’re paying for the trip. You mention here how much you spent to him.

Read my first post again. If you wanted something small, you’d go back to him and say spending time with him is most important.

I did it because I wanted to, not as a way to “show my love.” And I never expected him to do the same. I thought he could do something special that is even free- ie: cook dinner, make a card, anything. What is everyone’s gripe with making someone feel special on their day? I spent the money because that’s something I wanted to do so it would be special for him. The thought is what counts, not the money, I could care less about the money. But planning or doing “nothing” is “nothing”...no thought put into it

I did it because I wanted to, not as a way to “show my love.” And I never expected him to do the same. I thought he could do something special that is even free- ie: cook dinner, make a card, anything. What is everyone’s gripe with making someone feel special on their day? I spent the money because that’s something I wanted to do so it would be special for him. The thought is what counts, not the money, I could care less about the money. But planning or doing “nothing” is “nothing”...no thought put into it

His actions are your answer. "But planning or doing “nothing” is “nothing”...no thought put into it"

You mention money 3x in your original post.

I told him that and he has to work, so It wouldn’t even happen until weeks after my birthday. And how can you decide for me what I want. I am telling you I do not want something big, because that is the type of person I am. I split the check with him every time we go out and I never expect him to get me anything, not valentines, anniversaries etc. personally, I think even if you are broke, there is a way to show effort and do something nice. My best friend doesn’t have a job and goes to school full time and still decided to do something nice for me.

It kind of does because they give him money for everything and bought him a brand new car a month ago.

Why don't you expect something special on those big days? I know I appreciate/want those things, as they are special.

I think his lack of action speaks volumes, and you should get something special (card, picnic, hike whatever) It does not have to be something that costs much, but thought was put in.

OP,I would reassess your relationship, because either you are not compatible, or he does not give a sh*t.

It kind of does because they give him money for everything and bought him a brand new car a month ago.

You continue to answer your own question with the info you provide.

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