Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23

Thread: Is it weird not to love friends?

  1. #1
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,048
    Gender
    Female

    Is it weird not to love friends?

    I think due to being betrayed by friends on very very intimate (emotionally ) intimate levels as a young teen I was unable to love friends again. I know I did before this time . If I am betrayed by a friend they never get close to me again and I never feel the same . And I absolutely canít seem to change my mind about that . As a friend you only get one chance to hurt me and I am emotionally done with you. And since being an early teen I have never loved a friend again.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    235
    I don't think it's weird not to love friends at all and I would even go so far as to apply this same sentiment toward relatives, in-laws, neighbors or those within my community. It's perfectly normal to feel permanently wary and jaded from past, negative, very painful experiences. Who wants to make themselves vulnerable to get hurt again? I am the same way. I may like a friend or friends a lot but I'm not gushy in love with them. I admire, respect and treat my friends right. I can do that but not more.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2,674
    Funny you should post this, as I am trying right now to decide how to handle an upcoming event that I've been invited to. Unfortunately, my "bad" ex-friend that I wrote about earlier this year will be there, and I'm deciding whether to just skip it or show up and potentially deal with her hurtful comments. If I skip, then I miss a fun event, which is not what I want, but I'll be so upset if she starts in on her nonsense hurtful garbage with me.

    And yes, this has made me very skittish to get close to friends. As the saying goes.....with friends like these, who needs enemies.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,048
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I don't think it's weird not to love friends at all and I would even go so far as to apply this same sentiment toward relatives, in-laws, neighbors or those within my community. It's perfectly normal to feel permanently wary and jaded from past, negative, very painful experiences. Who wants to make themselves vulnerable to get hurt again? I am the same way. I may like a friend or friends a lot but I'm not gushy in love with them. I admire, respect and treat my friends right. I can do that but not more.
    True. I can admire and respect and enjoy friends, but, love ? No. That is reserved for my dearest family members.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,048
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Funny you should post this, as I am trying right now to decide how to handle an upcoming event that I've been invited to. Unfortunately, my "bad" ex-friend that I wrote about earlier this year will be there, and I'm deciding whether to just skip it or show up and potentially deal with her hurtful comments. If I skip, then I miss a fun event, which is not what I want, but I'll be so upset if she starts in on her nonsense hurtful garbage with me.

    And yes, this has made me very skittish to get close to friends. As the saying goes.....with friends like these, who needs enemies.
    I just donít bother with friends like that anymore.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    235
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    True. I can admire and respect and enjoy friends, but, love ? No. That is reserved for my dearest family members.
    I'm the same way. I treat everyone with respect and I too only reserve love for closest, dearest family members and no one else. Blood is thicker than water.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    853
    Gender
    Female
    I believe we generally receive back what we give and if it doesn't happen this way, we innately sense something is wrong. This is a unique gift. We are able to sense when something is wrong in the give and take. We are able to develop complex behaviours, currencies and methods of communication where we communicate all manner of feelings, goals, plans, strategies.

    We're born as social creatures and, interestingly, most of us die as social creatures or hope to die among people we know or in a familiar place. It doesn't matter very much if a person identifies as introverted or extroverted. We are made to communicate and share ideas. In the end, our species evolves as a whole due to shared information and shared wealth.

    The evolution of friendships is just a microcosm of the entire universe and our species interacting within it. We interact with each other and I think it's an evolutionary process at heart. We have to look no farther than the evolution of our species or other intelligent species. Friendships happen when there's a sharing of information/wealth. To stunt it is unnatural. To experience stunting is unnatural. This is just my personal belief. We should seek to bridge gaps and expand our thoughts and ideas and create mediums (methods of communication) that promote shared wealth and strengthen/deepen our ties. I'm talking more about humanity as a whole, not in terms of social media, for example.

    I am naturally an introvert. I don't gain extra enjoyment out of interacting with anyone in particular but I am forced to think or act otherwise for my work, with my family and yes, also with my friends. This has made me think twice about friendships and their importance or where I see us as an entire species (in terms of forward growth). Just my two cents.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,048
    Gender
    Female
    I wouldnít say that I donít communicate or donít share I actually share quite a bit .

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,240
    Gender
    Female
    I've been sort of stymied by this thread. I completely understand the concept, and yet I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

    I think the issue I am having is that it's not a hard line for me.

    I think that once upon a time, it was a hard line. I remember drawing it out in a diagram, like there were only certain avenues for personal connection. But since that time, the line has gone all fuzzy. It's no longer a strict boundary.

    Now, even the concept of that line it is hard for me to grasp. But I know it wasn't always that way.

    I would also say that my life has improved since that time, and that I'm happier and more fulfilled.

    Interesting....

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,667
    Gender
    Female
    Good topic. I guess an important question would be, is this something that bothers you, and would you want to change it, or are you content with it?

    While I've been hurt by people in my youth, I think I internalized it against myself because I was hardly an angel. By the time I grew aware enough to recognize that nobody 'deserves' mistreatment, I was already capable of crediting myself for using better judgment in my choices of friends--so I'm trusting my own capabilities to assess harm and walk away rather than viewing myself as being at the mercy of anyone else's capacity for disloyalty.

    I love my friends, not only because I've selected them (with a few exceptions being those who I was too young to 'select' but who are still with me), but also because I consider myself to be loving by default. On one level, I love humanity and all living creatures. On another level, I've adopted certain friends who I consider to be a valuable part of my family. And just as with family, I may love them in a constant way even at times when I don't 'like' them very much.

    I've walked away from mistreatment, and I've faded on people who didn't inspire me, yet this doesn't necessarily mean that I haven't loved them. I just view some people as better loved from far away.

    I think that I view loving and hurting on different prongs. They can overlap or not. This doesn't make me right or anyone else wrong, I think it just means that we all process harm differently. A generalized love is my default state, and it comes with a neutral setting on my trust meter. I observe people over time, and I let them show me whether I'll want to increase my trust or withdraw trust and exit.

    While it's painful, I have been able to walk away from someone I love if they prompt me to withdraw trust. These are unfortunate instances, but I won't allow them to dissuade me from love, because love feels to me like my purpose on the planet. Why should I deprive myself of loving because someone ELSE hasn't learned how to conduct themselves?

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •