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Thread: Should I continue to pursue this girl?

  1. #1

    Should I continue to pursue this girl?

    I met a girl on bumble and asked her what she was looking for. She said just to hookup so I agreed and drove over to her place. I picked her up and we talked for about 20 minutes or so just to break the ice and figure out boundaries. After we were done having sex we talked for well over an hour afterwards. I'd say for about 30 minutes or so she was talking about how she got out of a long term relationship somewhat recently I believe. It was for 6 years. Afterwards we talked about some more personal stuff and I really felt like we connected on a personal level. I had a really nice time talking with her. She asked me if I would have sex with her again and I agreed for later date. When we were done talking she asked me to kiss her which I thought was somewhat unusual in regards just hooking up with someone. I dropped her off back home and that was that. Fast forward two days later I sent her a message saying I had a nice time talking with her and if she would be down to hang out. A day and a half goes by and I still have no response from her. I figured I was probably vague on my part and I didn't want to make it seem like it was just a booty call on my part. So another day goes by and I send her another message, this time asking her if she wanted to grab a drink or something as a purely friendly basis since I know she probably doesn't want to jump into anything yet. She reiterated the whole "just as friends" part and agreed. That night I was on my way to her house and sends me a message about 10 minutes before the agreed pick up time saying she can't make it. I told her okay and asked if she would be down for another time. Her response was to invite me to her birthday party this weekend. Now here's the issue I'm having. I'm not sure if this was a way of her giving me just a "soft no" or being genuine and setting up another meeting. Another issue I'm having is that I don't know this girl apart from the sex that we had and the talking that we did afterwards. I know practically nothing about her or her friends. I really want to see her again and learn more about her but this whole party thing just seems awkward. I'm not sure if I should ask her out again for later tonight or tomorrow before her party on Sunday, just so that I can actually get a chance to sit down and learn more about her. Or should I just say screw it and show up to this party completely blind to not only the people that are going to be there, but the birthday girl as well.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LostAndConfu
    *I met a girl on bumble and asked her what she was looking for. She said just to hookup so I agreed and drove over to her place. *She asked me if I would have sex with her again and I agreed for later date. *A day and a half goes by and I still have no response from her. *She reiterated the whole "just as friends" part and agreed..
    I don't understand what's confusing about this at all. You don't want it to feel like it was a booty call, but from what you've shared, a booty call is all she was after.

    She didn't say she wanted to take things slow, date you and get to know you. After all she considered being `just friends' and backed out of that as well.

    I am sorry.
    But you two are looking for different things.

    So to answer your question. No. Do not pursue her. There is nothing there to pursue.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What reinvent said.

    She's been clearócrystal clear, refreshingly clearówith you in both words and actions. Said she was interested in a hook up, and hooked up. Emphasized that future hanging was "friends only." Casually invited you to a party in the same casual vein in which she hooked up, probably because she wouldn't mind the option of maybe hooking up again, so long as it's cool if, well, you don't and are just friendly.

    You clearly want something else, something more, or at least a switch was flipped after sex. Well, no switch was flipped for her. I'd say take a deep breath, enjoy it for what it is. But from your texts to her and overthinking things here it's clear you're already hyperventilating a bit, so best to to pursue someone who wants what you want and, when swiping and meeting, being honest with yourself about what you're looking for and what you can handle.

  4. #4
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's a soft no...move on. If she wants to hookup again that will be her call to make.

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  6. #5
    I guess my next question then would be why did she share all this personal with me and listened to my own . I've never experienced something like that before when hooking up. Also why did she ask me to kiss her after talking. I probably working myself up over nothing but I just have a lot of questions.

  7. #6
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LostAndConfu
    I guess my next question then would be why did she share all this personal with me and listened to my own . I've never experienced something like that before when hooking up. Also why did she ask me to kiss her after talking. I probably working myself up over nothing but I just have a lot of questions.
    She's just leaning on you because she doesn't have anyone to talk to. Doesn't mean she wants a committed relaitonship. This is the mistake that guys make all the time....a girl talking about her problems means jack crap. If anything it's putting you into the friends zone.

  8. #7
    Do you think I should just not show up to the party either? She gave me the info for it but it does seem like a way of her saying no.

  9. #8
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    I really think you are barking up the wrong tree here. Many people do this, someone tells them they only want sex and they think if they just wait it out, that person will change their mind. This girl just came out of a SIX YEAR RELATIONSHIP. That's a really long time so she must still be really hurting and she's on a major rebound. She probably only talked to you about personal things because she's in a bad place right now and she just needed someone to vent to.

    I think she literally does only want sex and she's happy to have you come along to the party coz it's a low effort thing, but she's not even really interested to meet one-on-one because she bailed on you at very short notice.

    If you decide to go to the party, then you can go just to have a few drinks and meet new people. Going there in Hope's of dating this girl would be completely pointless. She is not interested in you beyond a booty call. You can have sex with her more but if you want dating, you should continue messaging other girls.

    You really need to listen to what people say to you regarding what they're looking for because you could be seriously wasting your time chasing after a dead end.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Everything Tinydance just said, everything everyone is saying.

    I don't know your dating history, but most of us, in some way or another, have been this woman and been you. Go to enough rodeos and you can kind of see it all pretty clearly, leaning in where you can, detaching when you have to, and so on.

    She has been nothing but clear with you. You're editing out everything that she's been clear about, and building epic stories from imagined crumbs: the kiss, the party invite. And, of course, the fact that she let you put your know what in her who knows where.

    She kissed you because you know what's fun? Kissing people. Especially when you're lonely, a little horny, and know you've been straight with someone. Ditto sex with a stranger, which is what you both did. She invited you to the party because why not? Random dude from an app, cool enough, fun sex, whatever.

    And that's that.

    If you can keep hanging in that place, great. If notówell, also great, probably more great, because it means you're open and ready for real connection. She's not that. Sex, kisses, chats don't make her that. All good if you want to hang and play around, but to analyze this the way you're doing is a time, emotion, and energy suck. Spend that swiping, messaging, and meeting more people.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    lol... she 'opened' up to you because she probably didn't have a ride of her own home and was waiting to go home without seeming awkward about asking you to drive her back right afterwards (now that's convenience: sex and taxi service). Maybe there was nothing else better to do, her bestie was shagging too or busy, she had too much to drink prior, she was too cheap to go halfers for dinner or not ballsy enough to suggest anything else but drone on and on about her life etc etc etc. Excuse yourself a lot earlier next time. I think you're in over your head and I'm afraid that you're reading into signs that aren't there. She sees you as a friend/fwb, nothing more. I'd decline the bday party because you're frankly not up for it (from your posts). Besides, your feelers are most likely correct that it is or will be awkward and there probably will be gossip about you. She might even loan you to one/a few of her friends. If you're feeling frisky, go for it. If you're feeling serious, decline.

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