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Thread: 1 year relationship and I think I canít anymore.

  1. #1
    Johlunew's Avatar
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    1 year relationship and I think I canít anymore.

    Me and my gf have been together for a year now. We love each other and I truly believe that. We were planing on getting married and I even have a ring picked out for her b/c were wanted to get married. I love her. She has recently started school (we are both 21) and I work 10/h a day 5d/week. Sheís the first gf Iíve ever had mostly b/c I donít want to hook up with girls I want to be with someone I can grow old with. My gf only as Instagram she doesnít have any other social media. She doesnít have any friends and I wouldnít mind if she did have a guy friend, but she doesnít. Well the first day she went to college she told me a guy in her class was complementing her looks, me as a guy already know heís hitting on her, but I donít say anything. She said he asked if she had Snapchat and said he just wants it to study with her. She gave him her number after she said it better just be for school because I have a boyfriend. Which is fine, b/c she told him she has a boyfriend. Well a few days pass and she leaves early from class and he texted her he was worried about her leaving class 10min early and was gonna take her home. So of course I got jealous, mf is hitting on her and asking to drive her home after she said she has a boyfriend, but again I donít say any of that b/c she would just say no heís just being friendly. So the next I told her to ask if he would drop her off b/c itís an hour drive and it would save gas money( that what I told her just to see what she would say) she said ďno it would be too awkward on the way homeĒ

    So I kept trying to convince her, but she kept saying no so I gave up. So I went to go pick her up from school and she said the guy was gonna walk her to her car, until she said Iím picking her up then he left he also bought her a drink.
    That same day when we were laying in bed together he texted and said ď Do work out?Ē She said yeah why? He said ďBecause I can tell you look soo sexy today 🔥Ē which if any girl would have even thought about texting me that she would have wanted me to stop texting her and I would, but thatís messed up. Even after she told him that she has a bf. she texted him saying ďthankyou, but thatís disrespectful, Iím in a relationship. He said he didnít mean it that way. So sheís still texting him about school work and trying to play video games with her b/c she loves to.

    So I thought to myself ďwould she have said that if I wasnít around when she was texting him..?Ē I donít know and should I be in a relationship if I donít trust my gf now over something like this. It would been extremely hard on me to break up with her, but I donít want to risk being cheated on in the future.

    Please some one help me.
    My name isJ ohnathon.

  2. #2
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    YOu can't second guess what somone will do. If she wants to cheat on you she will. The fact is there is nothing you can do to stop that happening. In saying that i don't see anything suggesting she will cheat, especially if your relationship is generally good. It comes down to your trust and insecurity. Maybe she simply likes the attention that is why she hasnt cut him off.

    If you, hand on heart, can't/don't trust her end it. If you do trust her then don't.

  3. #3
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    What has she done to make you think you can't trust her?

    If she's done nothing and you're just speculating, why?

    You know, men will always hit on women whether or not they are in relationships (and the same for women hitting on men). It means nothing if your girlfriend doesn't reciprocate.

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    Tell her exactly how you feel about the whole situation. Tell her that you donít mind her to have male friends, but this guy is clearly flirting her.

    Ask her what she thinks about this and why she keeps talking to him and gives him ground.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You're being very paranoid and jealous. If you haven't got the confidence that your girlfriend will shut this guy down when he over-steps boundaries then your relationship won't last much longer. How about you have a calm and mature conversation with her about your MUTUAL AND AGREED TO relationship boundaries without being controlling (like for instance she refrains from any one-on-one time with him) and hopefully you can relax.

    She said he asked if she had Snapchat and said he just wants it to study with her. She gave him her number after she said it better just be for school because I have a boyfriend.
    BTW: Snapchat is no way to study together so that's BS. If I'm not mistaken, the "snaps" delete themselves within a couple of minutes so if anything, that to me is a red flag. How can one study together like that?

  7. #6
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It's very disrespectful of her to be accepting texts from someone who clearly has his eye on her. And when his texts became inappropriate, the right thing to do would have been to ignore them.

    If you've made it clear to her that you don't like this friendship, she should show some respect and cut him off. If she wants to live the single life at college, she needs to break it off with you.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Johlunew
    he texted and said ď Do work out?Ē She said yeah why? He said ďBecause I can tell you look soo sexy today 🔥Ē which if any girl would have even thought about texting me that she would have wanted me to stop texting her and I would, but thatís messed up. Even after she told him that she has a bf. she texted him saying ďthankyou, but thatís disrespectful, Iím in a relationship. He said he didnít mean it that way. So sheís still texting him about school work and trying to play video games with her b/c she loves to.

    So I thought to myself ďwould she have said that if I wasnít around when she was texting him..?Ē I donít know and should I be in a relationship if I donít trust my gf now over something like this. It would been extremely hard on me to break up with her, but I donít want to risk being cheated on in the future.

    Please some one help me.
    My name isJ ohnathon.
    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    YOu can't second guess what somone will do. If she wants to cheat on you she will. The fact is there is nothing you can do to stop that happening. In saying that i don't see anything suggesting she will cheat, especially if your relationship is generally good. It comes down to your trust and insecurity. Maybe she simply likes the attention that is why she hasnt cut him off.

    If you, hand on heart, can't/don't trust her end it. If you do trust her then don't.
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What has she done to make you think you can't trust her?

    If she's done nothing and you're just speculating, why?

    You know, men will always hit on women whether or not they are in relationships (and the same for women hitting on men). It means nothing if your girlfriend doesn't reciprocate.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You're being very paranoid and jealous. If you haven't got the confidence that your girlfriend will shut this guy down when he over-steps boundaries then your relationship won't last much longer. How about you have a calm and mature conversation with her about your MUTUAL AND AGREED TO relationship boundaries without being controlling (like for instance she refrains from any one-on-one time with him) and hopefully you can relax.


    BTW: Snapchat is no way to study together so that's BS. If I'm not mistaken, the "snaps" delete themselves within a couple of minutes so if anything, that to me is a red flag. How can one study together like that?

    I disagree. OP has every right to be jealous. This other guy is making obvious attempts at her, even after warnings and OP's girlfriend wants to continue texting with this jerkoff?

    OP. You have every right to be mad and discuss why you are mad with your girlfriend. But her behavior is unacceptable considering the fact she is still texting this guy. I'm certain she can find a better study partner. You can ask her to stop. She might disagree, but if she does then she is not worth keeping around anyway.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I disagree. OP has every right to be jealous. This other guy is making obvious attempts at her, even after warnings and OP's girlfriend wants to continue texting with this jerkoff?

    OP. You have every right to be mad and discuss why you are mad with your girlfriend. But her behavior is unacceptable considering the fact she is still texting this guy. I'm certain she can find a better study partner. You can ask her to stop. She might disagree, but if she does then she is not worth keeping around anyway.
    Of course he's making "obvious attempts"... No one said he wasn't but if she doesn't reciprocate and if he trusts her and they have good romantic relationship boundaries in place, then there is nothing to worry about. If they can't iron out what constitutes MUTUALLY agreed to relationship boundaries and adhere to them, then the relationship is doomed. If he just tells her I don't want you interacting with him without showing that he actually trusts her but wants to keep rules in place to keep them both on track, then she's going to resent him and the relationship will have a shelf life anyway.

    Now, the snapchat thing is suspect... as I've mentioned and that too should be discussed and perhaps she'll shut it down due to its very suspectedness. If she doesn't want to? Well then maybe the Op is with the wrong girl.

    If your idea of demanding she cut off all communication (rather then a workable compromise) is what op wants to do, then so be it... its his choice but that course of action often just leads to resentment and emotional distancing by the one you're trying to control.

    Romantic relationship boundaries are important for all of to have and mutually agree to. They keeps jealousy and insecurity and inappropriate behaviour in a relationship off of the table.

  10. #9
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    Guys ALWAYS make moves on women. We are horndogs generally. It's upto the woman whether she does anything about it or not.

    I agree if this guy persists with the texting that it's then HER responsibility to cut him off and if she refuses then you know where you stand with her and off you go but from the 2 text replies shown so far shes done the right thing. If its worked and the guy stops inappropriate messaging let ig go. If she lets it carry on let her go.

    My ex was the doppleganger of Jennifer Lawrence, she always got attention from her male friends and randoms and always told them where to go.That is not a problem, the problem is if she entertains it.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Ah youth....

    What I love most about youth is the ability for young people to be so open and yet have so much energy left to be so angry or annoyed. I used to be like you, OP. I would timidly tip toe around my first boyfriend and say I was okay when I really wasn't. I adored my partners back then in a way that was unhealthy and ridiculous, looking back. If you want to stand a chance making something out of this relationship I strongly suggest you grow somewhat of a backbone (like I had to) and be more vocal about what is acceptable or not in your relationships.

    Your girlfriend is young and (pardon my honesty) quite dumb. I doubt either of you want to be antagonistic in your relationship or come across as jealous but you'll learn eventually that neither of you will get anywhere with that mind frame. You'll be stuck at 21 forever unable to tell the difference or find the courage to determine right from wrong. You owe it to yourself to inform her what's inappropriate. She can then make the decision on whether you are unreasonable and grow up too.

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