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Thread: He said he needs some space

  1. #21

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Green, pardon me for saying this, but you seem very naive to me.

    You say he's a combat veteran with PTSD. How old is he? What war was he in? How do you know he's telling you the truth about anything.

    This is a stranger you have met online. No doubt you've facetimed and talked on the phone, but for all you know he could be a player who has multiple account names and is talking to a bunch of women.

    But let's say that he's legitimate. How far do you live apart? What do you do for a living? If he needs space when he hasn't even met you, chances are he has decided you're not for him. How much were you interacting with him during the day?
    We are both in our 20s with age difference of about 2 years. He was deployed to multiple places. He is telling the truth - I have seen the proof.
    Even if I am naive, it's better to hope than to live a bitter distrustful life.

  2. #22
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I see you are averse to answering questions. I'd still like to know what war he was engaged in.

  3. #23

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I see you are averse to answering questions. I'd still like to know what war he was engaged in.
    Why? That's has no relevance here. What's your motive? You seem very hostile. Please get off my thread. I've already received the advice I needed.

  4. #24

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    Originally Posted by Annia
    Without even having met the person and all so new I'd step back and think "me first". Have I had been in a consistent relationship in person for a reasonable amount of time then I'd maybe make an effort to make things work.

    BUT in either situation whenever a person says they need space, you should always respect their wishes.

    PS: I'm not intolerant against mental issues as I struggle with it too and so do some very close family members, but having a choice and when starting something new, I always prefer going to people who seem not to have so much issues. I'm not at a stage where I know them enough to make sacrifices and endure hardships for them. I've met guys on first dates who were very honest to me about their mental issues and I respect that. But I had to politely decline a second date.

    You don't know him in person to create such an attachment in which you'd be considering going through this with him or not. Meeting through a screen is not enough to make life changing decisions like moving close or enduring a relationship with a person with so much issues.
    I appreciate what you're saying. That's why we plan to meet a few times to determine whether we're gonna go through with it or not because we know that it's not enough to just know each other over the phone.

    That being said, I believe people with mental illnesses deserve love too. Relationships are not about winning or losing or who comes out on top, it's about loving someone for who they are and experiencing life with them. i like that you openly rejected those guys with issues - that's your decision. If it ends, it ends. At the end of the day, I will be able to say that I loved someone else wholeheartedly.

    Besides 1 or 2 weeks is a good amount of time to wait and see what happens. In-person relationships also end whether you see each other everyday or not. Either way, it's about the true feelings of the people in the relationship.

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  6. #25
    Originally Posted by GracePeace
    We are both in our 20s with age difference of about 2 years. He was deployed to multiple places. He is telling the truth - I have seen the proof.
    Even if I am naive, it's better to hope than to live a bitter distrustful life.
    Can i ask what proof he gave you? Anything can be falsified these days (photographic/documentation) I think Sarah is right that in such a sort space of time and that fact that you haven't even met yet, that you really don't know each other. She's not being hostile, just trying to get you to consider that he might not be who he says he is. You are just trusting his word that he is.

    A few years ago a colleague and friend began an online relationship with an army veteran who too claimed to suffer with PTSD. He was good looking in his pictures (wearing his uniform and everything). Sent her photos of himself in this uniform regularly. Told her he loved her and wanted to marry her. Out of curiosity, i ran a reverse google image search with a few of his pics and it turned out there was a guy using these pics of a genuine veteran. He wasn't the guy in the pics. He was a con man who gained the affections of women to extort money or whatever out of them. It was all for fun and for his benefit. This was actually in the news and that the real veteran was made aware of it. Of course i told my colleague and she reported his twitter page (which is where he mostly talked from).

    No one is going against you here, or being hostile. We're just trying to help you.
    Last edited by RayofLighten; 03-29-2019 at 09:40 AM.

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    Can i ask what proof he gave you? Anything can be falsified these days (photographic/documentation) I think Sarah is right that in such a sort space of time and that fact that you haven't even met yet, that you really don't know each other. She's not being hostile, just trying to get you to consider that he might not be who he says he is. You are just trusting his word that he is.

    A few years ago a colleague on friend began an online relationship with an army veteran who too claimed to suffer with PTSD. He was good looking in his pictures (wearing his uniform and everything). Sent her photos of himself in this uniform regularly. Told her he loved her and wanted to marry her. Out of curiosity, i ran a reverse google image search with a few of his pics and it turned out there was a guy using these pics of a genuine veteran. He wasn't the guy in the pics. He was a con man who gained the affections of women to extort money or whatever out of them. It was all for fun and for his benefit. This was actually in the news and that the real veteran was made aware of it. Of course i told my colleague and she reported his twitter page (which is where he mostly talked from).
    No she's being hostile and trying to rub off her bitterness on me. I have already received valuable advice so I really don't need her hostile input.

  8. #27
    Originally Posted by GracePeace
    No she's being hostile and trying to rub off her bitterness on me. I have already received valuable advice so I really don't need her hostile input.
    She's not being hostile. You have taken great offence to her asking some questions that you seem quite evasive about. You haven't answered mine about what proof do you have that he is who he says he is.

  9. #28
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    Unless and until you meet in person and assess your real compatibility, you should not be making any future plans.

    At the moment, you love the idea of him. But you donít know him well enough at all to be in love with who he is, as a person. Maybe everything heís told you is true. Or maybe heís exaggerated or completely fabricated some details. The point is, you should
    never pin your hopes on someone you have never met in real-life. Itís just not wise.

    Iím sorry OP, but I think heís going to disappear from your life because he doesnít actually intend to meet you. Needing space is the beginning of the fade.

  10. #29

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Unless and until you meet in person and assess your real compatibility, you should not be making any future plans.

    At the moment, you love the idea of him. But you donít know him well enough at all to be in love with who he is, as a person. Maybe everything heís told you is true. Or maybe heís exaggerated or completely fabricated some details. The point is, you should
    never pin your hopes on someone you have never met in real-life. Itís just not wise.

    Iím sorry OP, but I think heís going to disappear from your life because he doesnít actually intend to meet you. Needing space is the beginning of the fade.
    Read my response to Annie. About 3 comments ago. That sorta covers this.

  11. #30
    Originally Posted by GracePeace
    Read my response to Annie. About 3 comments ago. That sorta covers this.
    Doesn't look like he had any intention of going through with these plans to be honest. Your relationship hadn't even started yet and he called time on it saying he needed space, but space from what exactly?

    What was the proof he gave you? Your avoidance to answer this question is making me inclined to believe that there is no proof, or not the kind of proof that is 100% solid.

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