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Thread: Should your sister really be your best friend?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Recam, Siblings just like friends are at different stages in their lives. Also, just like people we have our own set of friends and unique dynamics with parents.

    Like you, I too prefer to have a close sister relationship with my sister but some people including sisters simply do not want to be bothered. Yes, we're deemed needy, clingy and insecure. It's a sad fact of life that often times siblings drift apart to the point of becoming only mere acquaintances at best, only get together for traditional, major holidays if that and develop their own separate lives.

    I think you should back off and give her a wide berth. Your sister wants to focus on her boyfriend so give her time and space. Either she'll come around someday or you'll have an acquaintance in your life for holidays only just like me.

    What you should do is to get a life of your own with your own friends, perhaps be close to your mother, immerse yourself into focusing on your physical health (exercise daily), diet and concentrate on your life. This is what I do. If you have time for hobbies, do that. Become your own person. Become secure within yourself and you won't feel the need to be close to your sister just like how I feel nowadays. You ought to try it. Eventually, you'll feel numb and 'blah' regarding your previous longing and yearning for a sister relationship. I'm at the point where I couldn't care less which means I've since built self confidence, high self esteem and security. At first, it feels lonely but over the course of the next several weeks, you'll feel good enough about yourself where you won't need your sister in order to feel complete or whole. Since you are really independent, take it to a whole new other level and be comfortable within your own skin.

    Enforce healthy boundaries with your sister. You be in the driver's seat and you steer the ship in the relationship. You be in control of the relationship because it feels quite liberating and gratifying. Reduce electronic communication to the bare minimum, remain polite, cordial, well-mannered and respectful but don't get chummy. Why do you think acquaintances get along so great? It's because there is no communication intimacy which can backfire. Keep your correspondence light and polite. Back off a lot and don't bother her. Don't make yourself too available otherwise you'll either sound like a nag or you'll bore her. She will take notice that you are secure when you learn to enjoy your own life without her in it. Sure, be nice once in a while but maintain a safe distance. Your security will show. It's beautiful thing.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    No matter if it's a boyfriend, best friend, sister, etc., if you make that person the sole center of your social life, they will feel smothered and escape your grasp. If you have anxiety and depression, talk to a therapist. It's okay to share pain and sadness with a friend or family member now and then, but if it's overdone, the person will get tired of that subject matter and avoid you.

    I never label anyone my best friend, as I know of the evolution of friendships and they sometimes fade or end. Try joining a club to meet people who share a hobby/passion with you, because as the cliche goes, never put all your eggs in one basket. When you have a handful of friends, if one friend walks away, it won't be devastating because yo will still have a support system with other people in your life. If your sister sees you enjoying life and the company of others, she might be drawn back into your life since she can share in your joy and not be the sole reason for your joy. Take care.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    If your sister sees you enjoying life and the company of others, she might be drawn back into your life since she can share in your joy and not be the sole reason for your joy.
    Love this part. The key concept being ..sharing. Sharing joy. Perhaps even adding to and sharing that joy together. What's better than that?

  4. #14
    Do you have any other friends? How old are you? :) Your sister is just living her life as she should that's all. No matter what she'll always be your sister, but you've got to live your own lives separately...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Standing ovAtion for Andrina! I'd like to highlight these parts:

    Originally Posted by Andrina
    No matter if it's a boyfriend, best friend, sister, etc., if you make that person the sole center of your social life, they will feel smothered and escape your grasp.
    So true. You cannot guilt anyone into WANTING to be with you. People run toward pleasure, and away from pain. Suffocation is painful, and trying to embed another person as your lifeline is a suffocating thing to do.

    My sister and I cycle in and out of one another's lives. We've built our own social circles, and while there may be occasional overlap, most of my friends only know my sister in passing or have never met her.

    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I never label anyone my best friend, as I know of the evolution of friendships and they sometimes fade or end.
    Yes. With maturity comes diffusion of our focus on any one person. Our days of hoarding a bestie are over in grade school unless you're an evolved child who never did that to anyone. As adults it's up to us to form different kinds and degrees of friendships that meet different needs. So your tennis friend might be lousy at conversation, your movie friend might only be able to talk about films, your workout friend might not share your politics, and the person in whom you confide most might hate crowds and never go to parties or events with you.

    It's all about respecting the limits of others and finding one shared piece of ground on which you can form a lightweight bond. Most friends will remain acquaintances, while a few might evolve over time into a larger scope of simpatico. This is why there's a saying about being able to count true friendships over a lifetime on one hand--and even those closest to us will go through cycles of evolution where our paths diverge for months or years until we reunite again on more solid ground.

    Originally Posted by Andrina
    If your sister sees you enjoying life and the company of others, she might be drawn back into your life since she can share in your joy and not be the sole reason for your joy. Take care.
    Bravo! Build your own life so that sis won't regard you as a dependent to escape. Over time, she'll grow proud FOR you as you grow proud of yourself for building your own life beyond her. This will make it easier for her to start including you in her life, because she won't fear that you'll stick to her like glue with no other sources of enjoyment or other outlets for your sorrows.

    Allow for cycles. Sis is busy building her own life, so let her serve as a model for you as you build yours. Over time this will make you happier and less of a threat to sister's happiness.

    Head high, you can do this.

  7. #16

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    I dont, im a introvert who keep my circle small. I have a hard time connecting with people. And among my small circle not many of them lives here anymore or have gotten boy/girlfriends. Ive never felt lonely, until now. I love playing my games all the time, but now i have noone when i want to socialise. Your right, it seems I have been relying on her to much.

  8. #17

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    I'm 24. I dont, im a introvert who keep my circle small. I have a hard time connecting with people. And among my small circle not many of them lives here anymore or have gotten boy/girlfriends. Ive never felt lonely, until now. I love playing my games all the time, but now i have noone when i want to socialise.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Recam
    I'm 24. I dont, im a introvert who keep my circle small. I have a hard time connecting with people. And among my small circle not many of them lives here anymore or have gotten boy/girlfriends. Ive never felt lonely, until now. I love playing my games all the time, but now i have noone when i want to socialise.
    If you have a small circle and some people leave, then add another person. You say you socialize, so you are capable of friendships.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Recam
    I dont, im a introvert who keep my circle small. I have a hard time connecting with people. And among my small circle not many of them lives here anymore or have gotten boy/girlfriends. Ive never felt lonely, until now. I love playing my games all the time, but now i have noone when i want to socialise. Your right, it seems I have been relying on her to much.
    My best friend and the one I talk to every day is my husband.
    I have been done wrong by so many people that I keep my circle small purposely. You need to find a true friend to take your sister's place, but only put faith in yourself and God(if you believe in God).
    People are human and some can be outright evil and take all they can from you. Avoid those type of people at all cost.
    You may be better off without your sister in the end. You are a great person with emotions and feelings your sister don't understand.

  11. #20
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    So my short story is, I lost my girlfriend to cancer. Since then, I've been meeting women, looking for a new love of my life. I haven't found that yet, but two women I have met in the course of dating, have become my BFF's! And I still get to date other women in a effort to find love.

    Get more friends, more best friends (you can have more than one) - heck, you could even throw a boyfriend in there if you want to!

    Don't rely on just one person to be your world.

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