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Thread: Should your sister really be your best friend?

  1. #1

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    Should your sister really be your best friend?

    Hi! Gonna try getting this as short as possible. I will really appreciate all input. I've been best friends with my sister a big part of my life. But a few years back she just quit answering my calls, text, and would never call back. She got a new friend (which I was happy about, no bad feelings because we had an unbreakable bond) and it was when she started seeing this new friend she dissapeared on me. A few months later my life got really difficult because of my anxiety getting worse. I fell into servere depression.I would tell her how I felt and I how I just wanted some support and someone to talk to now and then. But she couldn't understand, she just said she cant help me, that she has her own life to live. That she just didn't feel like talking and that was that. She realized her ways when her friend then used her and was straight up mean to her. And told me she was so sorry she weren't there for me in my worst times. I'm still depressed but not as severe and she got a boyfriend a few months back and the same thing is repeating. Stopped answering calls and text, would never hear from her. Even if I said I felt like and just needed someone to talk to. When I tell her she now turns it around on me for being needy. That calling once a week is too much, that she dosnt like small talk on the phone but when her boyfriend calls she answers immediately and shes always on her phone. I'm really independent and I learned to be that even more from when she dissapeared on me last time. To depend on me and me only. But I'm human and i just wanna talk with my bestfriend when I'm sad. I would drop everything, if it meant making her happy. When she is sad and calls I do all I can to make her feel better, even if it means putting her needs in front of mine. I'd litterly take a bullet for her. So I'm wondering what should I do? am I just needy? Mind we rarely see eachother anymore. I'm a bit of a loner and she has practically been all I have all my life. All I care for. What should I do? Forget about her and move on with life? Am I too needy? What am i missing? It all feels so toxic as she would never do for me as I for her. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
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    You can't control people but you can control how you react to them.
    Leave her to live her life and work on making your life better for you. If you are sad and depressed evaluate your surroundings and situation and make a change a little at a time. I've been through similar things with family that brought me down to the point that I felt like I just had a depressed soul and no one really cared about me but now that I have let all that baggage go I am happier than I've ever been.

  3. #3
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    Clearly, your sisterís priority is her boyfriend. Which is ok. The issue starts when you cling to your sister and you donít let her go. You cling to her so much that you suffocate her. She even told you that she has her own life to live, which is fairly true. She has to form a new family now with some guy etc.

    Life is a process. In the course of their lives, people change and so change the relationships they have with others. Your sister has changed. Your relationship with her has changed, but you remain stuck into how your relationship was in the past.

    Give your sister space to breath. Surround yourself with people who meet your needs. Those people may change in the course of your life, because life is a process.

  4. #4
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    No shoulds just because you're related. My sister is one of my best friends and we adore each other to pieces. She barely spoke to me -or civilly if she did- till I was about 13 years old (she is about 5 years older). And we had some rough spots along the way. But I never felt "should". Neither did she. We're very very different. Sometimes I feel so frustrated with her I want to tear my hair out and I love her to the moon and back. Both are true. But not because we're related. Yes I personally feel more responsibility/obligation because we are related and we make sure to keep in touch with our mother and let each other know that she is ok if needed - but as far as obligation to be close? No.

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  6. #5

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    Thx all. I really appreciate you taking the time! A bit eye opening even tho it's almost obvious and still not. I just want to make clear that I wouldn't agree with me being clingy. Or I guess that depends on how you see it. We have always had our separate lifes, but always helped eachother when needed, I didn't ask for more than a talk, just as she did when she needed someone, but she just couldn't do that back for me when she found someone else that could be there for her. Life is truly a process and it's easy to forget I guess.. I just always thought family was the ones that would never leave. thx again!

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Recam
    Thx all. I really appreciate you taking the time! A bit eye opening even tho it's almost obvious and still not. I just want to make clear that I wouldn't agree with me being clingy. Or I guess that depends on how you see it. We have always had our separate lifes, but always helped eachother when needed, I didn't ask for more than a talk, just as she did when she needed someone, but she just couldn't do that back for me when she found someone else that could be there for her. Life is truly a process and it's easy to forget I guess.. I just always thought family was the ones that would never leave. thx again!
    I used to think the same thing until I was showed differently. You just have to do the same and put your needs before hers.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's not wrong to miss a sibling. They are the closest people to us anyway and often the only people who've known us from our childhood in its entirety. I have no sisters at all but close female friends that have been like surrogate sisters. I have two brothers and I have also felt similar feelings as what you've felt early on when we went our separate ways and began to have different commitments.

    I'd say maintain your distance and leave the gap inbetween fluid and easy-going. No one likes to feel like they have to keep in touch with you because they have to. You mentioned you are independent. So am I but yes, I have missed my brothers at times too. Try to make peace with the fact that just because you have your own lives it doesn't mean that you all love each other any less or forget that you have blood ties or are loyal to each other as a family. Feel blessed and confident in that. Things will also even out as you get older.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Recam
    Thx all. I really appreciate you taking the time! A bit eye opening even tho it's almost obvious and still not. I just want to make clear that I wouldn't agree with me being clingy. Or I guess that depends on how you see it. We have always had our separate lifes, but always helped eachother when needed, I didn't ask for more than a talk, just as she did when she needed someone, but she just couldn't do that back for me when she found someone else that could be there for her. Life is truly a process and it's easy to forget I guess.. I just always thought family was the ones that would never leave. thx again!
    I don't think you're being clingy. I think in movies/ certain books there are notions of family being this idyllic relationship where people never leave. In reality it just depends- all it means is you are related in some way by blood, marriage, adoption, whatever. It's nice if you're also close and have things in common but I find it's much more realistic -and not cynical -simply to see family as individual people who are related to you in some way. As with everyone you may have things in common with some and not others.

  10. #9

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    Wow, this has helped me understand so much more than I thought It would. I now see it in a completely different light. Very grateful for all of you taking the time to answer, really helped me. I will try to find some more meaningful relationship where what's given will be replicated back. And accept the notion that life changes and so does people no matter if you want it or not. Baah as I said, it's so obvious but still I didn't realize. She will always be my bestfriend and sister, just not in the ways it always has been. Much love to you all ❤

  11. #10
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    OP, do you have any other friends apart from your sister? It seems you're relying on her too much? I understand the bond between sisters, but that doesn't have to automatically mean that they have to be there for us at every turn. She's also got her own life to live and not just a life which revolves around her sister.

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