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Thread: Did I handle this wrong? Drugs use by stepson

  1. #21
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you all need counseling to learn how to get along and the teen smoking weed needs some extra help to learn to get along and how to live his live without weed. Nobody should ever hit another person, regardless of gender.

  2. #22

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    To answer some of the questions - it was pot he was smoking, we have always had a no drug policy but I think between her ex and her sons keep drilling in her head it's no big deal it's like the beer of today - she fell for it - esp since she doesn't want to lose her child and have them live with their dad where he doesn't care. My wife has not hit me before - I think it was an effort to stop me from talking but still it was very shocking - I like why are you hitting me? I think cause she felt she lost control etc but no excuse - I didn't touch no one. the kid has a side job where he gets money here and there and remember pot is cheap - yes I agree that I suppose to sit down and explain to the kids it's wrong and the rules of the house blah blah blah - I say it like that because that was all done before - I had those conversations - I left it to my wife to handle the situation with her son and that he needed to stop many times - this is why I felt I had enough and needed to not stand by and let this happen in my house and with my kids there - I'm not saying my kids have never done pot - they might have but never smelt it on them or while they are with me. Anyway - yes I could of handle this much better and just told the kid it was wrong and to go to his room etc - but this was a big build up and my wife should of back me up - it was wrong - I think she put herself in a spot by working a side deal I knew nothing about in which he could smoke just outside the house - I did not know about this and unacceptable so I think she was put in a bad spot that night because to back me up would go against him due to this side deal - this is a mess - she doesn't realize that if the police went by and caught him smoking I could be arrested - lose my job etc etc

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    If the OP was so threatened by her hitting him, he would have been the one to call the cops and leave the house. He didn't and stayed. Obviously he didn't feel threatened enough to react to her "hitting" him. I don't condone violence of any kind but I think calling a 17 year old a loser when he is clearly under the influence is not going help the situation and the OP played an active role in escalating the issues. I don't agree with the behaviour of your wife either, make no mistake, but these issues go both ways.
    Many women don't call the cops either when a man hits them or threatens them so I don't think this is 100% like that.

    And yes I'd leave this abusive woman and her drugged son to protect my children from this and protect myself too.

  4. #24
    Your rule of the house is very reasonable. Your wife's and her kids behavior is not. She is a flake and an abusive one at that. He is a loser (you're right about that). She wont ever wake up from the seriousness of her son taking drugs until he inevitably kills himself from it. She has no right to say that SHE might never forgive you, because you weren't the one that did anything wrong. Please get these people out of your life and just concentrate on raising your kids.

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  6. #25
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I donít think a 17 year old who smokes weed is a ď loser ď. He is a kid not a fully developed human being. Do I think he should smoke weed? No.

    Your wife should not hit you . No one should be hit.

    How long have you been married?

  7. #26
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    Both of you ed up.

    That wasn't the correct approach to take. You needed to sit down and have a rational talk with your wife about the seriousness of the issue. Decide what to do about it, and then confront the son. Then she would have had your back.
    Calling someone a loser is not a convincing way for them to understand your side of things. Explain to him the issue. Set the ground rules, and set the punishment...with your wife.

    With what already happened, the hitting, etc.. It's probably just best to move on. This obviously is not your and her first rodeo in the domestic violence department.
    He already said that she does absolutely nothing when it comes to her son. She's made it clear she loves her children more than him so she will never have his back.

  8. #27

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    That's what I'm thinking Ray - and here's the thing - she knows she has to got to therapy - she got names 3 months ago and has nothing - why? - it comes down to it's not a priority for her - she can say she is busy etc - but too busy not to work on herself and our marriage? I gave her another list this week - if nothing is done soon - idk I'm going in a couple of weeks for myself to deal with this and the anger over this building up - I would of been past this weeks ago - my belief is we are to forgive and move forward - but she keeps bringing this up and keeps this alive which pisses me off - that she won't be able to ever forgive me etc

  9. #28
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    What you are coming up against is people protecting their respective children. People will protect children over a spouse .

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    sorry, i don't care whose son he is, but since he is under your roof, you have every right to forbid drug use. maybe you and your wife should have decided what the consequences were way before hand - ie if any of the kids bring drugs in the house you both agree that x should happen. But honestly,i would have hit the roof if anyone had drugs in my home. Apparently his father did nothing to guide and discipline him, so you suffer the cosequences. You know, he *is* a loser. If you called a kid a loser for getting a C in their hardest class once, that would be uncalled for, but even though you should have bit your tongue, you are on the money here. I would go to counseling with your wife if she is willing - otherwise, if this is your house, then i would throw them out

    I disagree, everyone should strive to help others, especially their own family members. Even if he isn't my son, I'd treat him like one. You don't know what this kid has been through, but some help in his life could go a long way. He didn't have proper guidance at some point. The domestic violence could explain his drug use.

  11. #30

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    ~ Seraphim ~ yes you are absolutely right and that's what I'm dealing with - in this case its' not protection from something like me being abusive to him or violent or anything like that - she is being protective because she doesn't want to lose her relationship with her son - she is protecting his drug abuse and disrespect - this isn't something good to be protective over - also what about me as a husband an equal in the house - protecting my kids from this - what a mess this is - if she wont' work on the marriage I don't see hope here

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