Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23

Thread: Should I tell her boyfriend?

  1. #1

    Should I tell her boyfriend?

    My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me out of the blue 2 months ago. I thought we were very happy and he was very loving. It turned out he had kissed his best female friend and had feelings for her.

    I had often been suspicious of his best friend. They've known each other for 5 years and in the past year she had repeatedly said very strange/over dependent things to him. He'd always been honest with me about this though and told me what she had said. He assured me she was just very unhappy and he saw her only as a friend. During the break up he was very, very honest with me about their situation - perhaps too honest - so I know an awful lot of details. He told me a few days after it had happened and has told me many of the thing she has said to him and he has said to her.

    She, on the other hand, has a boyfriend and although she has told my ex she loves him and they've agreed they want to be together, hasn't told her boyfriend anything about what is happening. The worst part is, her boyfriend is a close friends with my ex.

    I'm incredibly anxious and conflicted about what to do. I am so glad my ex was honest with me and feel really guilty for not telling her boyfriend. There are circumstances which make it difficult - her father has just died and her and her boyfriend live together - but my confusion over what to do has left me so distressed I was sent home from work the other day due to a panic attack.

    I hate the fact that her boyfriend trusts her, just as I did my ex, and is oblivious to what is happening.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,703
    If I were her bf, I would want to know. I know that many on the forum will advise against this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,850
    What is your honest motivation? You want to "help" her boyfriend or you want to "punish" your ex for hurting you?

    Honest motivation. Not what you think is the "right" answer.

  4. #4
    I think there is definitely and element of wanting to punish the girl - I'm not as angry with my ex as he was so honest with me.

    There is a sincere despair at the idea of her boyfriend having this done to him though. He's already asked her if she's in love with my ex and she said no. My ex and the girl and her boyfriend are spending time together socially - I find it very difficult to watch this happen knowing what I know. It's making him look a fool and I feel horrible for him.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,545
    Gender
    Female
    Oh for pity's sake be honest. You want to take revenge and punish this chic and wreck her relationship the way she wrecked yours....except that she didn't. YOUR bf chose to do what he did because he isn't loyal. Focus on the real culprit and do yourself a huge favor - remove these toxic people from your life and stop following what your cheating ex is doing with whom. Be free of the drama and move on to a better life. Revenge might make you feel good for a second, but I guarantee you that the fall out will make you feel awful for months after. It's a poisonous pill.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,850
    Originally Posted by SarahJayne19
    I think there is definitely and element of wanting to punish the girl - I'm not as angry with my ex as he was so honest with me.

    There is a sincere despair at the idea of her boyfriend having this done to him though. He's already asked her if she's in love with my ex and she said no. My ex and the girl and her boyfriend are spending time together socially - I find it very difficult to watch this happen knowing what I know. It's making him look a fool and I feel horrible for him.
    So you think she took advantage of your poor innocent boyfriend? SHE "deserves" punishment but he doesn't because he was allegedly "honest" about betraying you?

    I thought as much...you're less concerned with her boyfriend's feelings than you are about getting revenge. Remember, revenge usually backfires onto the person seeking it.

    And I agree, why are you "watching" the three of them? HOW are you "watching" them?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,177
    Gender
    Female
    Why don't you tell your ex that you have it in mind that if he doesn't tell her boyfriend what is going on then you will do it for him and then block and delete and quit talking to all of them. Its time for you to distance yourself from all of it if you're so involved in other people's goings on that you are having panic attacks over it.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Age
    38
    Posts
    214
    Gender
    Female
    [QUOTE=I hate the fact that her boyfriend trusts her, just as I did my ex, and is oblivious to what is happening.[/QUOTE]

    He broke up with you.

    You are hurt.

    You want to hurt her, bottom line

  10. #9
    Yeah you're all probably right. This helps. I think I need to let them figure it out for themselves.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,703
    Originally Posted by SarahJayne19
    I think there is definitely and element of wanting to punish the girl - I'm not as angry with my ex as he was so honest with me.

    There is a sincere despair at the idea of her boyfriend having this done to him though. He's already asked her if she's in love with my ex and she said no. My ex and the girl and her boyfriend are spending time together socially - I find it very difficult to watch this happen knowing what I know. It's making him look a fool and I feel horrible for him.
    I never get this. He cheated on you. He should have come to you, much earlier. . You said that this has been going on for a long time. He was not "honest" with you.

    The relationship was with him. HE is the one who betrayed you!

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •