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Thread: ADHD & Marriage

  1. #1
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    ADHD & Marriage

    Today, I may have learned that I have ADHD. I had never truly researched ADHD before. I had always just attributed the disorder to kids who can't stay focused or sit still in class. I wasn't even convinced it was real...until now.


    Just happened across an article. I never knew that ADHD came with the symptoms of hyperfocus, inability to get started on anything that doesn't interest me, jumping from hobby to hobby, and need for over-stimulation (high action video games, high risk activities, etc.) I'll literally fall asleep in a meeting, no matter how well rested I am upon entering. I get bored with hobbies and jobs (my career) very quickly, but when I pick up a new hobby or job, its always hyperfocused and I go all in for a month or two. All or nothing all the time. There are piles of old hobbies in my closet and garage.

    The more and more I read, I was described to a tee. I'm debating seeing a doctor for an official diagnosis to be certain, but if I really am ADHD as I believe at this point, it's actually a relief to know and understand why I am the way I am. I'm just devastated that I didn't know it sooner. I have no desire to go on any medications for it, but knowing helps.

    I always thought I was just partially OCD, and didn't realize that so many symptoms of OCD actually overlapped with ADHD

    Then I came across this article which also seems to VERY accurately describe the end of my marriage (I have a separate thread on that):

    [Register to see the link]


    Maybe understanding why I am the way I am will help in the future. I just don't know how I am 30 years old and never had a clue about any of this.
    In some way, I wished knowing this now would let me rebuild my relationship with my cheating wife, but it seems that ship has long since sailed.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You may also not be feeling fulfilled or intellectually stimulated in any one area of your life. I'd refrain from self-diagnosing or latching on to an online idea of what ADHD means.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    My brother was only diagnosed in his 30's during his 7 year old sons visit to the doctor. Seeing it runs in families the doctor turned his attention to my brother. Everything added up to his challenges as a child.
    Long story short my brother started med's in his 30's. I can't say he still takes them today but he was very relieved (at the time).
    I would see a doctor for a diagnosis.

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    I've tried a million things with the same results. Felt the same way through my whole life. This just seems to explain so much. I thought it was just being human.

    I did say I was considering going for an official diagnosis for objectivity's sake.

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't have any experience with ADHD(don't know anyone and also don't have anyone in my family with it) so I'm least equipped to help you. I hope someone else with more experience won't feel too shy and will lend some support like reinvent. I hope you find peace though and some kind of remedy that helps you feel better about yourself if this is bothering you a lot.

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    My husband was diagnosed at 30. He is almost 50 now ( in a few months). As a child he was WILD. His parents had him in every single sport imaginable.

    When he was younger 20-38 he was very very unfocused and our marriage was very very difficult.

    Now , even though he is still high energy he is more focused as he ages. He does exceptionally at work and is highly intelligent. At home he more unfocused though because once he gets home he is “done”.

    My whole house is neuro diverse though so I am used to it.

    We will be married 25 years next month and together for 30 years.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I've known a few adults who were ADHD as children, some outgrew it and others did not. However, they've always been nice to me.

    Since you're concerned, go to a doctor and receive an accurate diagnosis.

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    I wouldn't call it concerned. Just kind of a holy cap moment with something that I found normal and couldn't understand why most other people didn't seem to relate. My mindad never slows down..but it's not always anxiety. Boredom comes so fast in most situations.

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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I wouldn't call it concerned. Just kind of a holy cap moment with something that I found normal and couldn't understand why most other people didn't seem to relate. My mindad never slows down..but it's not always anxiety. Boredom comes so fast in most situations.
    That is because the ADHD brain requires variety and excitement and it wants it NOW.

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    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    I've had ADHD my whole life. I was diagnosed in the early 80s. I was on Ritalin when it was still experimental. I can't believe how this thing has taken off. People act like it's the root of all evil. I've even met people who are ashamed to 'have' it.

    Honestly, I think it's a scam by the pharmaceutical companies. Who else would fund a website like the one you posted? Always take these things with a grain of salt.

    I was diagnosed because I couldn't sit still and couldn't pay attention. Well, I had a lot of energy (still do) and school was BORING. I couldn't wait to get outside and play on the monkey bars and flip around.

    People are so sedentary these days, hypnotized by TV and now devices. Instant gratification everywhere--we're obsessed with ourselves and no longer know how to just 'be.'

    Back when there were no electronics, no TV, people were active. They didn't need anything to calm them down because they were naturally tired by the day's activities.

    Yes, Ritalin did help to calm me down, but it was a drug. When my mom realized it was still experimental, she took me off of it and instead reduced the sugar in my diet. That helped with my energy level. So did exercise and so did activities that interested me.

    Most helpful to me have been introspection and self-awareness, realizing that I am not the only person on the planet, and accepting that I do have control over and am responsible for my own behavior. Falling asleep in a meeting is unbelievably rude and unacceptable unless I am a narcoleptic or (in the case of one of my former coworkers) extremely diabetic.

    I still stay away from the drugs because f*ck the pharmaceutical industry. They have too much power over what people think.

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