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Thread: ADHD & Marriage

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Even with exercise my husband was never calm. He played ooddles of sports, hockey ,baseball ,swimming T-ball ,soccer etc etc. He ran everywhere he went . He would ride his bike 50 km just on Saturday and he was still running everywhere. He had troubles trying to concentrate . I remember him in university laying in the middle of a field sobbing because he couldn’t concentrate long enough to finish anything . He changed his trade in the military 5 times. He changed at least 10 civie jobs. He changed his major 3 times. He was very very frustrating for me because he couldn’t stick anything out .

    I will say though as he got older he slowed done wn enough now to walk with me instead of being 10 miles ahead of me . He has stuck with the same military trade for 10 years even if he has discussed changes at least 15 times. I just no longer engage these conversations because they are just mentally thinking out loud .

    He treated his GAD and OCD.

    I think I have learned how to handle him.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I've had ADHD my whole life. I was diagnosed in the early 80s. I was on Ritalin when it was still experimental. I can't believe how this thing has taken off. People act like it's the root of all evil. I've even met people who are ashamed to 'have' it.

    Honestly, I think it's a scam by the pharmaceutical companies. Who else would fund a website like the one you posted? Always take these things with a grain of salt.

    I was diagnosed because I couldn't sit still and couldn't pay attention. Well, I had a lot of energy (still do) and school was BORING. I couldn't wait to get outside and play on the monkey bars and flip around.

    People are so sedentary these days, hypnotized by TV and now devices. Instant gratification everywhere--we're obsessed with ourselves and no longer know how to just 'be.'

    Back when there were no electronics, no TV, people were active. They didn't need anything to calm them down because they were naturally tired by the day's activities.

    Yes, Ritalin did help to calm me down, but it was a drug. When my mom realized it was still experimental, she took me off of it and instead reduced the sugar in my diet. That helped with my energy level. So did exercise and so did activities that interested me.

    Most helpful to me have been introspection and self-awareness, realizing that I am not the only person on the planet, and accepting that I do have control over and am responsible for my own behavior. Falling asleep in a meeting is unbelievably rude and unacceptable unless I am a narcoleptic or (in the case of one of my former coworkers) extremely diabetic.

    I still stay away from the drugs because f*ck the pharmaceutical industry. They have too much power over what people think.
    I'm not narcoleptic. But sitting there, I have to fight extremely hard to stay awake. Or I have to stand up and walk around, which sadly also tends to be frowned upon in a meeting. Even caffeine does nothing. I'm not even talking about an hour long meeting either. 15 minutes is often torture.

    It's not like I say.. Oh..I'm going to take a nap. I fight it.

    It's clear you don't understand, but that's ok. I've read it affects people to different levels.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Do not diagnose yourself as you are not a trained medical professional. Go see your doctor.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    It's clear you don't understand, but that's ok.
    No, I don't understand how having ADHD means that a person doesn't have control over what they do. I find that notion offensive, actually.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    No, I don't understand how having ADHD means that a person doesn't have control over what they do. I find that notion offensive, actually.
    That is also clearly not what I said. I stated my other option was to stand up and walk around. Otherwise, yes, I have no control over falling asleep no matter how much I fight it. Offensive? Be offended by the truth if you wish. Being called a liar is not something I am fond of.

    You act as if I used it as an excuse to fall asleep or that I have no ethical compass. I did not and I would never.

    But it is very clear you don't understand the severity of the issue as you haven't been there.

  7. 03-29-2019, 07:48 PM

  8. #16
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    But it is very clear you don't understand the severity of the issue as you haven't been there.
    Your self-diagnosed ADHD? No, I do not understand it. I wish you'd find something else to blame.

  9. #17
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I wouldn't call it concerned. Just kind of a holy cap moment with something that I found normal and couldn't understand why most other people didn't seem to relate. My mindad never slows down..but it's not always anxiety. Boredom comes so fast in most situations.
    I know a few people who are ADHD and the upside is they can multi-task well, they're very productive and industrious types. Sometimes boredom is a good thing because it forces you to do something instead of waste time and energy doing something else.

  10. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's best to get to a doctor for a complete physical and a referral to a therapist. Many many things can mimic these symptoms from lack of sleep to mood disorders to personality disorders to metabolic disorders.

    Many distressed people read those articles subjectively when going through a crisis and of course think "wow, that's me...this must be the problem". However so many other things can cause any number of these of vague ubiquitous symptoms such as "difficulty concentrating" and so forth.

    Also divorce is not usually due to mental or neurological disorders and most often due to lack of communication and compatibility which goes unaddressed and continues to snowball from resentment to contempt to seething hatred.
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    Today, I may have learned that I have ADHD. I had never truly researched ADHD before. I had always just attributed the disorder to kids who can't stay focused or sit still in class.

  11. #19
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    Decided to get out of the house on Saturday night to take my mind off of things. Ended up having a lengthy discussion with a psychiatrist who works for the state.. He spoke with me and a couple of my childhood friends over 4 or 5 hours of shooting pool. One of my friend's is engaged to him, but I had never met him before.

    We were talking about my current divorce when I found out his occupation, and then I casually asked him about ADHD. He believes I have ADHD, and said I should schedule an appointment to do some psychological testing at his office.

  12. #20
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    untreated adhd can strain a marriage, for sure. Much publ8shed on this topic; trust ADDitude magazine as a resource.
    .
    I was diagnosed in my 40s; much more reliable friend and worker as a result, and my relationships are healthier too. It is important to learn how to love your skills and your limitations and learn new skills that draw on your strengths.

    Good luck.

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